When I was 20/21 I had a very intense brief relationship with a completely unsuitable man.
It was volatile from the start, we argued a lot, he was very jealous and protective. He actually went to prison for assaulting someone who he perceived was hitting on me and despite everyone in my life telling me it was a bad idea I stayed with him and as we lived in a small place l where his name was known, when he came out we left to start a new life together elsewhere.
As can probably be predicted, he became emotionally and physically abusive as time went on. I was obsessed with him though, I kept taking him back time and time again. He developed a cocaine habit behind my back, his behaviour become worse, he stopped coming home at nights etc. We eventually broke up for good and I found out he had been cheating on me for some time.
I was devasted and moved away from the town we had been living in, but not back to where we were from as I couldn't face that either. I moved to somewhere completely new where I had some family, got through a very dark period of depression, rebuilt my life, got a career, met my wonderful husband, had my amazing DS.
I'm in a really good place in my life, although I do have some periods of depression and suffer from anxiety and related insomnia.
Anyway, It's 15 years down the line and I feel like I'm not fully over it all. I still think about this man a lot, I still feel the pain I felt all those years ago. I have dreams about him from time to time and spend the rest of the next day feeling low. I had one last night and have felt low all day (hence writing this) when I go to my home town where he has subsequently moved back to I still keep half an eye out for him (although I've never seen him since)
I found out years ago he married the woman he cheated on me with, I felt devastated, even though I was happy with my (now) DH.
I can go months without thinking about him and really am happy with my DH so I don't understand why I feel this way.
I really don't want him back, he's an awful person.
Is this normal? What can I do to get past it? I feel like such an idiot.