Last night my on and off ex officially ended it. (I need to say that we're 4 hours away from each other & both late 30's.) We'd been on & off for MONTHS. Stopped talking for weeks at times, but always came back to each other.
I started talking to someone else in December, (I'll call him S) and although it was just chatting it did put a smile on my face. Anyway, on New Years Day my ex called me and asked if I was prepared to give this one more go. He invited me to his and said we'd chat, iron out all the problems and move forward together. I agreed.
I spent last weekend with my ex, yes, it was good. On the night I got there we both went to a bar got drunk and he told me that i'm his world and he cares about me in a huge way. S rang to find out if I was in a bar in my town as he was heading there with a few friends. My ex answered the phone while I was in the bathroom and told S that he needs to back off as I'm "his girl" and he's not having anyone else talking to me.
When I left my ex, he asked to see me again this weekend. I agreed and drove back home feeling like we were back on track.
Anyway, long story short. My ex messaged me on Tuesday & told me that was it. We can't go any further. His heart is saying no & he's sorry if he led me on at any point during the weekend. Oh and what he said when he was drunk was 'all sh*t' because he was too drunk to realise what he was saying.
I left him alone for a few days and he messaged me yesterday. We had a text argument lasting from 1pm - 10.30 last night! It went on & on. He said he cares, but not in the way I want him too, he's moving on and so should I. So I told him I had, but he put an end to that! I sent my ex a message from S saying what my ex said on the phone to S. He said (& this is an actual message from my ex)
"Just stop going over things! Already told you that I don't remember anything so it's all irrelevant!!! Just shows you what he really thinks of you. He's a moron!!!"
We went around in circles for hours. But occasionally my ex would say something like "it's just best this way. That's all 😔"
At one point he said "I knew it was a bad idea!" (Seeing me)
So I put "YOU were the one who invited me to stay at yours. I would never have invited myself"
His reply
"Do it. You can."
S has now blocked me on everything and refuses to speak to me as he says that my ex was sober enough to warn him off therefore means there's still something there. My ex ended last nights messages with "you care too much about me, that's exactly why nothing can happen".
So now I feel rubbish about myself. I've blocked my ex on everything and deleted all social media. I just don't know where else to go from here? We've been backwards and forwards so many times now, but I'm actually really really sad that this time it's done for good.