What do you to do to make your LO feel special?

[jiggeypokery]

I'm rubbish at this. I was bad before the kids, except for couple of expensive weekends away. I lack the creativity and the soppiness. Since the kids, I can barely look after my own needs never mind his. He is good at this and I think feels let down and a bit unloved. We both have a lot to handle. His job, which he does so well he's just received an award, takes him away half the week. He feels guilty at what I have to shoulder on my own (we have a feisty toddler and a child in year 1 at a special school). I haven't felt able to go back to work since my second child, so he worries about money, although he's doing really well. I had health issues before the kids, but now I'm ill a lot more and for longer. He does a job with early starts, long days and lots of stress and then he tries/has to provide me with some respite at the weekends. I'm down with a bad virus this weekend and I've been let down by our respite carer so no break for him from even one of the kids. I'm just wondering what are the little things I could do to make him know he's appreciated. He buys flowers and leaves notes. How does your partner know you love him when the days are long but the time is short?

Do you mean DH?

My dp works long hours and has also been looking after me and the house although my dc are older than yours.

I just make sure I tell him I appreciate everything he does. I tell him that I love him daily. He clearly loves you and as long as you tell him that you love him and appreciate all the things he does then I think it's fine that you can't actually do anything to show that. Just a cuddle when he's not expecting it or a hand hold can be lovely.

I did mean DH. Thanks, that's helpful. I get the feeling other people do hearts and flowers stuff, but I'm not sure what.

I can't do soppy but I try to leave my OH little notes. If i pack his lunch I'll pop a Post-it in with something daft like 'you've got a fine ass' or 'i love you, but I like your beard more'. He gets the idea without me being all mushy!

I also try to do little daft things that don't cost anything. If he mentions he wants to listen to a new album by a band he limes I'll pop it on Spotify to listen to while we have dinner. Makes him realise I am taking notice of things he says and that I want him to enjoy his down time.

My unimaginative brain is going 'we don't do dinner with Spotify, I don't make him packed lunches', but I like the notes and listening ideas and will try to think of ways to incorporate them. This is exactly the stuff I'm crap of thinking of, thanks for bothering to add them. I'm stuck in a to do list.

It isn't the big whisk you away for a romantic weekend, it's the every day tiny stuff, sometimes as simple as a cup of tea.

Dh and I have been together 20 years. It is the touch of a hand as you walk past or a cuddle, a foot rub. Things that make them feel better. Dh is amazing at producing a chocolate bar from his pocket that I wasn't expecting when I am feeling shitty on my period

The children also run to the door when Dh walks in to show him he is more important than their computer game/tv. They are boys aged 13 and 10. It's getting off my arse to greet him in the hall to show him how glad I am he made it home safe.

Leaving post its on mirrors or in their favourite mug. It is showing that you are thinking about them despite all the chaos in your life.

verity that post is beautiful

I think one of the things I've noticed on here about relationships going wrong is that people often just aren't nice to each other. You particularly notice if they want to then have sex later that day when they've been either plain nasty or remote in the evening.

Little notes and things are nice, but nicest of all is feeling that someone really likes you, is glad you're there and shows that both by the way they talk to you and look to you and by the way they touch you. The whole point about having a relationship is feeling that your best friend is there with you, day after day, and has your back.

I think it's crucial to understand what the other person thinks constitutes 'caring'.

DH likes giving and receiving gifts, so I try to get him some favourite sweets, or pick up the round at the pub, or put a treat in his bag for lunch.

I don't care about gifts. I feel he is being attentive when he sends me articles to read about things in which I am interested, and also when he does household chores that I would normally do.

There's a load of stuff you could do, but you have to make sure that they are things he would recognise as acts of love and caring.

I think just sometimes making time to sit and watch a half hour programme on TV together, holding hands or snuggled up. It's very easy to get into a rut of just taking someone for granted or getting swept away with everyday grind and stop appreciating that you swore to love the man/woman you are with forever.

Dp and I have spent the last few hours on the sofa, just watching a couple of films, cuddled up and enjoying our time together. It's rare to have that time, we normally have both dc down here so because they are both occupied we really enjoyed just having time on our own.

I am not a flowers and hearts type person. I appreciate a cup of coffee first thing in the morning, him doing the washing up. He appreciates me cooking his favourite food and making his packed lunch. Not because neither of us can't do these things but we do it because it shows we love the other person.

Take an interest in their lives - notice when they are feeling down/ worried/ ill. Show concern. Be non critical. Listen to them. Ask them how they are.

This is lovely, thanks, everyone. I actually do do some of this, although probably not enough and I would love to have the time to cuddle up in front of a film, we've been trying to do that for weeks. I think I'm going to show him the thread. It might start a conversation, but whatever I want him to know I'm worrying about it.

On second thoughts not going to show him the thread as I'd like to just up my game and hopefully he'll feel a bit better over time. I will take to him about cuddling in front of something we'll both enjoy though. Thanks all xx

HeyMicky,
Did you read the five languages of love by any chance

I second this, find out what makes him fee good, texts in the middle of the day, make the tea before he gets up and bring it to bed, find a movie you think he might like to watch, think about things he might like to read and send him links to the articles... these are al quick and free and make him realise you are thinking about him... that's all we really need

Ok, going to look that up, thanks!

Oh no! Just realised LO means little one not loved one. I meant DP or DH. I also got my username wrong. I'm sorry everyone, I have a virus and I'm on a cocktail of drugs. Thank you for all your advice (I'll get my coat).

Jiggerypokery !

Keep warm and hope your are better soon!

Was coming on to suggest the five love languages. For dh it's spending quality time so he loves us to just sit and have coffee together. For me it's acts of service so l love my coffee handed to me or a nice fire lit so l can relax after the day. As you can see its the little things.

Op it's fine, we know what you meant!

And we have had the DVD's for over a month and not had a chance to watch them so getting that time together was really lovely.

Glad it's not just us. I've looked the five love languages up on Wikipedia and plan to read some of it, but already get a bit of the idea. It does sound really useful. Got a feeling my DH is a gift giver which I feel badly about for him as gifts are something I have all kinds of issues with. It might explain a lot (I'm really picky, I hate waste, I hate being expected to lie and say I love something).
Those of you who read it, what made you read it and did you know you and your partners primary and secondary immediately or did it take some ferreting around? Was it just interesting or did you genuinely learn more about yourself and your partner?

I read this at Christmas, I have yet to give it to my newish partner of 18months but I can say without a doubt that his language is acts of service, he does small things every day for me which tells me how much he loves me, he is a man of few words I on the other hand am a physical touch person, so a lovely cuddle can put right a long tough day in an instant.
It's not too long, you don't both have to read it and it's not too heavy going either, good luck

Sex. My OH knows I'm mad about him because I want to have sex with him a lot. He likes the notes and Pringles, but nothing makes him (or me) happier than a really good, enthusiastic, session between the sheets. Set aside time to do things you only do with him - time is more important than stuff.