Ive left and im very anxious

[cocoface]

Can someone hold my hand

Ive left my dp and moved in with a relative until I have sorted out somewhere more permanent to go. Our relationship was struggling for quite a while but it reached fever pitch las week. He is unable to save anything - he will pay what he absolutely has to ie rent but anything else that can be put off will be. Food, heating, savings for rainy day doesn happen.

His ds had a landmark birthday last week and dp hadnt a penny saved for it - however he is drinking either out in a bar or at home 4-5 nights per week. He also buys himself gadgets clothes etc on a regular basis. Im suffering quite severe depression at the minute and this worry is making it worse.

Last week he stayed out all nite and had to cancel plans the next day with me and my children as he was too hungover.

When i object he tells me im boring, demanding, thst my depression gives me mood swings and he needs an outlet away from me - we do have awful fights and are horrible to each other.

I just had enough and said i was going
He verbally abused me- told me i was selfish etc.

I just want the strength to stay away -

Get your stuff out ASAP. Go round when you know he will be down the pub. If need be, take relatives or friends with you for back up.

This weekend, get busy removing your name from Council Tax, gas, electricity and water companies if you haven't done so already.

Monday morning, tell the school of your change of address. Put it in writing that he is in no way allowed to collect the dc from school.

Cut contact completely. You owe him nothing. He is not the dc's father so no need for any contact. Cut him dead.

He is only worried about how he will have enough beer money now that he hasn't got you paying the bills.

Focus on you and your dc. Be kind to yourself, lick your wounds. Do nice things with your dc.

Thanks so much - ive written all that down and will tick it off - he is now passively aggressively putting stuff up on social media sign posting stuff on gaslighting and narcissism and mental health 😣

Block him on fb and anywhere else

Just blocked him - why is he doing this?,😣😓😭😭

Everything he is posting is exactly what he is. What a waste of space he is. Your mental health will improve, I'm sure, as you eradicate him from your life and mind. Block, ignore. You are absolutely right - he's on a mission to make you doubt yourself.

Because he's a prize bellend?

Thanks for all your help - I know this is the hard part its just I feel so awful.😣 - Im incredibly hurt at his behaviour both before the breakup and now. He is clearly trying to spin a story where he is the innocent party - we live in a small community and he is obviously trying to have people thinking badly of me 😓😢

It's typical abuser behaviour. He may be so good at lying he almost believes it himself. He will know that you are someone who is really bothered by people thinking badly of you and he will tell them all manner of nonsense about you. But honestly, so what? Many many women on here have been lied about like this. I am one of them. People who really care for you won't believe him. People who fall for it...just give them a wide berth.

I suppose its that someone you thought loved you could do this? - last night my friend was having drinks in town - who arrives in only my exdp for a 'few after work" - normal friday then! - he really isnt bothered - how could I be so blind?.😣

Yes. It's very hurtful. In my case, I also learned about all the little lies and false inferences ex had made to other people about me going right back to the beginning of the relationship, creating the image of himself as hard-done-by and a saint to put up with me. Yes the gap between what these people say about their own suffering and how in real life they are just getting on with having a great time can be really shocking. It's pure manipulation.

I hope - and actually have been told - that Im known as a good person. I had a very tough childhood and I have confided that to him - i dont keep in touch with alot of my family due to my childhood - something he regularly throws at me - I can only imagine the stories he will spread with all that scandalous information.!

My poor dc - they dont deserve this or the fallout from it

Thanks karma - i keep reading what u wrote - i had such a bad day yesterday - crying panic attacks the whole lot. He is so charming - life and soul of the party! - i can just imagine the stuff he is saying.

He contacted me via phone to 'touch base' yesterday - also making comments about seeing me in town having a glass of wine witha friend - he had tried to call and i rejected it. Then the passive agressive texts telling me to have a good evening etc! - I responded basically saying I wasnt getting into any discussion with him and goodbye!

Ive blocked him totally now - on email fb etc - will have my things moved out soon i hope - friend of mine actually flying in to help me! Just wish this feeling that im the one who is wrong would go away 😣😭

Stay strong, you can do it.

I know cream its the attitude of him thats upsetting me - the whole ' you are over reacting - u are mentally ill with depression and Im getting the brunt of it Cocoface'

He must really have never loved me to be this way 😣