I'm a long time lurker and so many of your posts have helped me in both making the decision to leave the emotionally abusive relationship I was in and to start to get over it. Luckily the relationship was only a few months old and I started to see a lot of red flags very early so I got out quickly but that doesn't seem to have made it any easier to move on from (its only been a few weeks though). I think the fact it was still the early stages of the relationship meant that for at least 60% of the time he was the man I was falling in love with so I'm missing that 'nice' side of him and the man who I connected with and who said all the right things. I can't stop wondering whether the next woman he pursues will get only the good side of him and not the jealous, irrational, angry, emotional blackmailer who I luckily walked away from??
I know it's crazy for me to think like this and writing it down is helping me to see that but can or will an abusive man ever be different with a different woman? Can he get into a new relationship and be only the good side of him or will the abusive controlling behaviour always come out eventually? As far as I know he's done nothing to try to change his ways in the form of therapy etc and one of the reasons I left so early on was because of the way he talked about his exes and I got the feeling that he'd treated them in many of the same ways that he was starting to treat me so clearly he has been like this for a long time but I think he always used MH issues and a 'bad childhood' as excuses. I'm hoping this post makes sense. I think I just want peace of mind that I made the right decision and in a way I'd like to know that the next woman he starts a relationship with is someone who I should feel sorry for and not envious of. Eventhough I ended the relationship and chose to walk away which I know was the right decision for me I almost feel like the next woman might get lucky and if this time he learns from his mistakes then she will only get the good bits and not the bad??? Crazy I know but can a different woman make the difference by itself or will an abusive man always be abusive unless he undergoes extensive therapy??