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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

sore and uncomfortable

26 replies

sharry · 22/06/2004 20:57

Married for twenty years and am not a prude, but during love m, my dh made a genuine slip-up and ended up in the wrong place. Feel frightened about further intimacy.

OP posts:

Branster · 22/06/2004 21:10

has this just happened?

Branster · 22/06/2004 21:11

because i would think you'd need to let him know v quickly if you're uncomfortable with such things. are you feeling OK?

AussieSim · 22/06/2004 21:12

It probably hurt him nearly as much as it hurt you. I am sure you will both be more careful in future and you shouldn't be frightened I don't think.

Branster · 22/06/2004 21:13

and after 20 years you would understand each other (i imagine/hope). it would be terrible for you to be worried about being intimate with dh after such a long time, especially if you have felt comfortable with him before.

derriere · 22/06/2004 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

sharry · 22/06/2004 22:52

This is exactly why i didn't discuss this with friends, i know it may sound funny but i can assure you it wasn't! I don't believe i am the only person this has happened to. I do trust my dh, but feel shocked apprehensive and a little anxious.
I am being honest! but now feel stupid! Thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

sharry · 22/06/2004 22:53

OP posts:

maisystar · 22/06/2004 22:55

what a horrible post derriere

hope your ok sharry. (i think it has probably happened to most people, or nearly has, don't let it spoil what you and your husband have)

mrsflowerpot · 22/06/2004 23:02

you mustn't feel stupid.

can understand why you are upset. your dh is probably feeling awful too, the last thing he will want is to hurt or frighten you. have you talked about it with him? you probably need to give each other some reassurance and lots of hugs.

bottomsup · 22/06/2004 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

sharry · 22/06/2004 23:20

After being married for 20 somthing years and being open minded have discussed this before,both mutually being of the same mind.(didn't fancy it)
I guess i just didn't expect it to happen. However it was a genuine mistake, i do luv dh, but cried as i felt violated, it was a bit of a .
(I know i'm a wimp)

OP posts:

lou33 · 22/06/2004 23:23

Can I ask why you didn't just tell him to stop?

spacemonkey · 22/06/2004 23:26

I'm sure if it was a genuine mistake it won't happen again sharry, so I wouldn't worry too much. Do you think he might have done it on purpose?

Original poster

sharry · 22/06/2004 23:30

Oh i did! It didn't go full length just the first 1/4 i would imagin. Due to the fact we have a lack of space and three DC we don't get much privicy so much of our intamacy is opportunist.

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Original poster

sharry · 22/06/2004 23:33

Initially spacemonkey i did. but we had discussed this priviously and dh was dead against it, he is quite homaphobic so i don't think so, and after twenty years i'm sure it would have happened befor.
Do you think?

OP posts:

spacemonkey · 22/06/2004 23:36

You don't sound very sure sharry - I guess if you were you wouldn't have posted about it. What are your concerns?

no1 · 22/06/2004 23:43

this has happened to me with my dh, he thought it was what i wanted! i do not believe i gave off such signals, but we laugh about it now and i do not believe he will try it again!

Original poster

sharry · 22/06/2004 23:43

Well spacemonkey, i don't really have a concern as such, just wanted reassuring that i am not that unique!

OP posts:

Branster · 23/06/2004 10:02

hi sharry! i hope you're feeling better today. i left the thread last night with a bitter taste as a result of derriere's posting and with the view of not posting on MN in the future. i'm glad the message has been deleted (i couldn't work out what the acronym meant which added to my uncomfortable feeling). you must talk to dh about it to get reassurance from him so feel at ease with him again. as you say, it was a genuine mistake and he must feel emarresed by it himself. as for him actually wanting to try such a thing, it may or not be true. after all everyone has some sort of curiosity but it doesn't mean they would go through with it even if the circumstances were ideal. having anal sex with a woman is pretty much different than sex between 2 men and the only reason for it being viewed as something pleasurable for the man i can only think it's because it's a bit...ahem...tighter there than in the other place. but even so, i don't think he's into that sort of thing, you'd have known by now. and he respects you too much not to feel embarrassed himself about what happened. just talk to him. all the best.

tolly · 23/06/2004 11:51

A slip up??? Come on. You could have stopped him, I mean there is a hell of a difference between the "places" as you quaintly put it and it's not the easiest thing to do for the first time.
It is not as uncommon as you think, probably not many are prepared to admit it happens in their intimate moments.

Toothache · 23/06/2004 11:56

I am as confused as Tolly here... my DH has, in error almost entered there, but I clamp up in a second and it would never actually happen. Surely it took a bit of time.... even just a few seconds to actually penetrate enough to hurt you???

Easy · 23/06/2004 12:05

This has happened to me, many years ago with an in-experienced boyfriend. It can happen quite easily in 'certain positions' especially if you're using additional lubrication.

Look love, if you love each other, and you trust him, then just try to forget it happened. Think of it just as you do when you realise you've said something really tactless to someone. You didn't mean to hurt them, but it's done now, can't be undone.

Does he know how upset you are? Has he said sorry? Have you apologised for your reaction (you may have put him off too you know) ?

Cuddle up, take a few days off love making, then go for a different position until you get your confidence back.

Hey, accidents happen

lou33 · 23/06/2004 12:59

I think derriere was thinking along the lines that a first time poster , posting on such a delicate subject could be a troll, which would be an easy assumption to make.

Slink · 23/06/2004 21:51

Sorry girls dh and i love it think whatever but hey it's fun xxxxxxxxx

Original poster

sharry · 23/06/2004 22:22

Thank you for all your reassurance. Yes it was very quick, basically because we were in a tricky position on the edge of the sofa.
We had both had a few glasses of wine too!
I guess this has made me realise that this isn't exceptional.
I am novice posting for the first time, because I knew friends would find this funny and I'm quite a sensitive private person, and wouldn't want this known within my village.
Thanks again!

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