Please bear with me, I'm new, but have no real life friends to talk too about this.
My ex is a lower league football player. We'd known each other for a few years before deciding to make a proper go of it. It lasted about 6 months & we were both mad for each other. Everything fitted well. One day a "fan" of his on social media clocked onto the fact we were dating & decided to cause issues between us. By issues I mean message him & ask for an autograph, then push him about his love life. As my ex didn't mention me she then moved onto me and sent me a barrage of abuse saying he was denying me and that he didn't care etc. Anyway, long story short. He ended it. Citing the fact we can't be together all the time with his job. I was heartbroken, even though the relationship was short Id actually fallen hard. We stayed in contact on & off and I met up with him when I could. In October time, he ended it again saying that it wasn't fair on either of us, as my feelings came back pretty hard. I knew he cared, but I'd fallen again.
Over Christmas he got back in touch and I agreed to go to see him a few weeks back as I'd a few days off work. (After being told id taken my son to one of my ex's games and hadn't seen him. He told me he was 'hurt' by that fact I'd been and not stayed to see him.)
The beginning of January we had 5 days together, and honestly it was great. One of the nights we got horrendously drunk & he told me he still loves me etc etc.
The day after when I left him he asked to see me again when he was playing a team close to me (which is this weekend coming) I agreed and left on a high. A few days later he messaged and said he didn't think it was a good idea to see each other again. Obviously I was confused, hurt, upset. It turns out this girl found him on a dating site he was active on and told him a load of lies about what he'd said to me in a bar when he was drunk. He obviously backed off me, but admitted that everytime he sees me he gets a load of shit off her and he doesn't want that he wants a normal relationship. Which i understand, but unfair on me!
Anyway, last night after not hearing from him for 2 days I decided to bite the bullet and ask what's going off as I'd made childcare plans for this weekend to see him. Even though he hasn't been in touch with me, he'd told someone he was seeing me again at the weekend.
We got into a massive message conversation and he said at first that (& I quote)
"The reality is I don't think we should be together or try even though we had a good week. I'd always have a good time with you but my heart Says no. despite what I said when I was drunk. It was all rubbish."
So I thanked him for his honesty, yes, it hurt, but I was glad to know. Then he started saying all about the girl that got involved and how she is "just crazy not normal and I hate it". So I said i hate it too as what she'd said about me destroyed my self esteem and my want to date again. He then said "This situation has nothing to do with you yet it happened because of who I am. I don't want you to be hurt about any of it!"
Basically it was left last night with him saying "We can be friends but that's it. I can't deal with that shit and move on as much as I want to try."
This morning after no sleep last night I decided to message him a whole massive paragraph about if it's just to do with her then that can be sorted, but if it's to do with anything else then I'm walking away now because I deserve better than that. He read it 6 hours ago, and obviously no reply. I'm now stuck. I know he doesn't want me because of this girl, but I'm willing to fight for it where he seems like he slightly might be, or is it just an excuse?
Thanks for reading.