So tired of how competitive people are

[darknessontheedgeoftown]

This seems to be getting worse and worse. People putting in ever longer hours at ever more stressful jobs, raising the bar if expectations for everyone else. People competing over how academic/funny/sporting their children are, why they have/don't have children. Facebook is essentially a competition for who has the most, best friends and the best life. All social media is bullshit, people take the piss out of others to enhance their own relative status and then, especially in the UK, hide behind humour "it's only banter/a joke". I'm beginning to wonder if we are getting close to the Black Mirror dystopia where everyone has a social popularity/success score and spends their whole life obsessed with raising it. Why can't people just calm down a bit, not work so hard, let others catch up and allow a bit more happiness for everyone.I'm really down and fed up about this.

darkness, I am wondering, do you live in the South East? I grew up in the home counties and worked in London for a bit, and now live in the north. I do feel that that mentality is far worse in the SE.

Having said that, I know a few competitive parents who I like in many ways, but I sometimes have to have a break from spending time with them as the pressure gets me down. I've just been talking to DH about this tonight, about how we don't care what the DDs do in life as long as they can get by and are reasonably happy. I think happiness probably springs mostly from being comfortable with where you are and what you're doing and not constantly striving for something just out of reach.

Can you make an effort to avoid the people who make you feel like this, and seek out the people who don't compete all the time? And also feel comfortable enough with where you are in life that the mad people don't bother you so much?

Yanbu. I loved Black Mirror but it frightened the shit out of me.

I think things have gone a bit mental too. I was listening to Radio 4 the other day about education cuts. A headteacher or assistant headteacher came on to complain about them and she sounded a bit demented tbh. All the talk about excellence, vibrant, standards, hard-working professionals blah blah. I think she needed to calm down a bit. But - sometimes I wonder - if this is the kind of "kick ass" or "passionate" culture everyone has to aspire to.

I don't like the competitiveness I see amongst teenagers. Girls of 13 vie about Victoria Secrets underwear or Mac make-up and boys seem very image concious, which I think is OK - up to a point. The whole branding thing Adidas, NIke blah blah oh that annoys me bigtime.

Maybe I should stop here.

And have a cup of tea.

but yeah, just being happy and average and enjoying life and smelling the roses ... you can still be unique and blessed in many ways ...

you just don't need to scream it from the rooftops

she sounded a bit demented tbh. All the talk about excellence, vibrant, standards, hard-working professionals blah blah. I think she needed to calm down

That's how I feel about EVERYONE in my profession. But that's what 30 years of war on teachers does. Everything is our fault now and one little fuckup means Ofsted and job loss. They pretend that kids learn and make progress in a predictable linear way and completely ignore the fact that the best indicator of a kid's educational prospects is their home life. But nobody ever got elected by having a pop at parents.

It's absolutely 100% not worth it and parents should be SCREAMING about the insane exam-fodder culture in schools now, but they so rarely do. I guess cos we're all the same now: resigned to this insane treadmill. GetgoodgradesgetadegreegetagraduatejobmarriagebabiesCONSUMECONSUMECONSUME and then post about it on Facebook. We've had three generations of enforced rat race. Parents now think it's normal.

GetgoodgradesgetadegreegetagraduatejobmarriagebabiesCONSUMECONSUMECONSUME

When you put it that way its quite scary really ...

The self and dignity and joy lost in the process ...

Ellisandra says it how it is

All of you talking of editing and fakeness, and being derisory about Facebook have ignored her perfectly factual post in favour of responding only to those sharing your own views. That's exactly how Facebook works too! It's self serving.

What you see on Facebook reflects your interests and friends you choose to like, respond to, and follow. So if you're getting a load of crap in your newsfeed then that's down to how you use Facebook, not because Facebook is at fault. Perhaps you need to do a more regular Facebook cull and check and update your settings.

As an example, i have loads of anti Trump things show up because that reflects me. I've had no articles or personal posts in support of Trump because I only follow groups and are friends with that I actually care about and like to socialise with. If I thought Facebook reflected reality, Trump would have dropped out early on in the primaries rather than currently being president. If only my Facebook feed was reality.

I thought I'd have a look now for the last 5 status updates on my fb feed.

1. Friend who emigrated wishing everyone a happy Australia Day. Good that fb has helped us keep easily in touch

1. Friend sharing something funny her child said. Just funny, not boastful. Made me smile imagining it.

1. Friend sharing a photo of a good anti Trump sign from the marches - what's not to like?!

1. Friend sharing a link to artwork relating to sexual abuse. Thought provoking.

1. Friend sharing a photo of a mutual friend bringing her new baby round for first time - looking like any mother of a small baby might - bloody tired, but happy! Loved seeing it.

Never seen anyone posting photos of a car that isn't actually theirs.

I'll say it again - there are normal people out there! Look for them, and don't invest your time in people that are not a good fit for you - in life and on Facebook!

People also increasingly use FB for pointless political posturing and virtue signalling. Its very tiresome and I know many people who have fallen out of this nonsense .

over this nonsense.

I don't use social media, just not interested. I don't give a fig what people think of me. I think/feel very similarly to you OP, but I haven't given up on people, yet. I would prefer to surround myself with animals. I have 3 pets, and would recommend their company every time. Of course, there are lovely people out there, but I don't interact with them on social media, so have no idea or feeling of how it feels to be involved with that.

Take a lot of time out from FB etc, and see how that works for you.

you have the wrong fb friends - defriend the lot of them!

Just out of interest I also just looked at the first 5 posts on my Facebook page and was pleasantly surprised:

1. A male friend sharing an anti/Trump

article. Interesting.

1. The same friend sharing the sad death of Mary Tyler Moore. Sad.
2. My oldest friend copying a moving letter from a lady with anxiety and depression to raise awareness on her behalf. Touching.
3. A school mum posting a photo of her son on the school's Viking Day. Sweet.
4. The wife of the first poster sharing & criticising a sexist Daily Mail article. Insightful.

All lovely people & great posts. About 5% of my FB friends are competitive, but their posts are so few that they don't bother me.

I agree with arsenal. Plenty of annoying people on Facebook but actually usually a minority if you look properly (though they may be loud enough not to seem that way), and if they really are a majority for you, you need to look at your friends list and needed settings....that's really on you.

And I generally find, like arsenal said, that I'm really only sensitive to the boasting (as in upset by it and not just bored) when I'm dissatisfied with something in my own life.

Well, after reading this, I popped over to Facebook and the first post on my page was so excellent and appropriate I am sharing it with you - remember yesterday was Burns night:

"While Europe's eye is fix'd on mighty things,
The fate of Empires and the fall of Kings;
While quacks of State must each produce his plan,
And even children lisp the Rights of Man;
Amid this mighty fuss just let me mention,
The Rights of Woman merit some attention."
Robert Burns, 1792

Agree with others who have said it's down to how you use FB.

Start by following The Poke, The Onion and NewsThump. And maybe Totes Inappropes, she's very funny.

My top five posts from friends rather than pages I follow are:

• A discussion about the merits of different kinds of vegetarian haggis (turns out people feel strongly about this, who knew?)
• An mad conversation started by a friend who lives in the US making an innuendo-laden comment about trimming her bush. The Brits on the thread are all making tongue-in-cheek comments about Mrs Slocombe's pussy, the Murricans are talking gardening. The Brits are wetting themselves, I think the Yanks are completely baffled. It's hilarious.
• Some pictures of alpacas from a friend who's moved to the country to start a smallholding. Some of her local friends are conversing about their livestock's various ailments. Sudocrem features a lot.
• An article on Nicola Adams shared by my dd, who is very into sport
• A beautiful landscape shot of southern Spain, shared by a friend who has retired and can go on holiday during term-time. Yes, , but she's not boasting, and I'm not jealous much.

I think you need to adjust your FB algorithm, and hide posts from people who just use it to boast. Follow the right pages and put together a good group of mates and it can be like a drunken evening on MN, with pictures but with less shouting.

My problem isn't so much with people boasting (in fact I don't see that at all because I'm not friends with twats) but more FB showing me irrelevant shit like "so and so liked this photo of SOMEONE YOU'VE NEVER FRICKIN MET".
Anyway. I sacked it off. Happy with my decision.

Hazelbite, I just wanted to say that my friend is a train driver for Great Western and he earns goood money. He's also the union rep which helps, but I'm often jealous of his job and his ability to have time off. I think it's a great job!

Like others have said, fb works for me because of the people I have on it. Never a day goes by that someone doesn't post something really funny or interesting like a video or article.

I think FB needs to reflect your friends - your real friends - if you're using it and concerned about competitiveness and oneupmanship. When I first joined FB I was friends with everyone and their dog. It was very depressing as it seemed like a window into lives that were totally different - and far more glam than mine!

I did a mass cull about 3 years ago and defriended everyone that I didn't actually speak to IRL with the exception of online friends who I chat with online on a regular basis. It's been much nicer and quieter as a result! My FB feed yesterday was buzzing about:

• Burns night and where to get the best haggis;
• Speculation as to whether Michelle Obama will run in 2020 or not;
• Moaning about dog poo on the pavements (local FB group!)

I have one FB friend who is renowned for hashtagging everything and filtering the fuck out of her photos - #soblessed and all that shite. But she can also be quite amusing and I know that IRL she's nice and normal, so I let it go.

Social media is a highly edited version of events. It has its place but its not the be-all and end-all of things.

If it's getting you down, cut down the time you spend on it or leave it obviously.

Or join groups/pages that share things which you like and are interested in. I'm a wildlife (and portrait) artist. So my feed is filled with art from art groups I'm in, and uplifting wildlife photographs from my favourite wildlife photographers and spring/autumn/winter watch etc.

I'm interested in politics and feminism, so I see that stuff, and I often see interesting parenting articles or discussion from some groups and pages with parents.

WRT personal photos/updates from family and friends I don't find too much boastful, and some people share things about mental health and autism which I have an interest in.

I think it can be down to interpretation too. One person's boastful, is another person sharing their holiday photos with far flung friends and family. Someone saying they feel blessed could be otherwise struggling and using their facebook status as a gratitude journal to try and feel better about their lives - not in a show off way but to improve their mental health.

I don't post often mine. Finished artwork, landscape/birding photos, the odd one of my son, sharing interesting articles or nice quotes, and big news. I ought to get better about updating my business page, but that again would be mainly artwork/art supplies.

Getting back on track, which is about how competitive the world is, I would auger this:

I have had great jobs all around the world in a professional field. I've worked with celebs and the world's best companies, often putting in 12-14 hour days as routine. I walked around with my shoulders round my ear-holes, I was so stiff with stress. It never made me happy.

I would say the job that gave me the most job satisfaction & happiness was working as a waitress at a very popular pub in Montreal. The pub was packed all the time, day and night, and the tips were amazing. I could make $1000 on a really good 8-12 hour shift. I got a good workout on the job, I got to socialise with customers, bond with my co-workers and go home with good money. It's no wonder the other waiters at that pub had worked there for 20 years. I never took that job home with me. I sure wish I did that job now. Sadly, those tips don't exist outside North America..... but waitressing is great. You keep so fit, as opposed to sitting on a fat-assed desk all day. Boo.

Yes Vagabond I agree!! I sometimes think now I would like that kind of job. One you can leave behind at the end of the day; go home and forget about it til next morning. Plus, even better, getting exercise while working, and being active. Not to mention, plenty of social interaction.

I used to be a teacher. The amount of times I thought to myself when I was working at home in the evening/weekend - 'what I wouldn't do to be waitressing now'.

Obvs only works if you have a nice workplace to be in :)

I know a mum who is lovely in real life but her fb posts make me want to hurl.
Its all #family goals, #love, # girlsquad, # babyfun, # mywonderful man and worst of all... # winningstlife! Aggggggrrrrr!!

If you were winning at life you would not use hashtags... or Facebook!!