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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can I trust him on snapchat?

44 replies

Tictock123 · 22/01/2017 18:21

Hi everyone,
I need advice about a message I found on my boyfriends phone!
It was on snapchat and was meant to have been hidden, it was a message from a girl saying 'what if I send one and you dont' and my BF said 'we both won't have it cos we don't screenshot'

I confronted him and he told me it was about showing each other their tattoo's .. his is on his belly and hers on her shoulder (don't understand why she would be concerned about screenshotting that or getting one in return!)

I am hesistant to believe it's about a tattoo, what do you all think?

OP posts:

Tictock123 · 22/01/2017 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 22/01/2017 19:43

He's not a grown up

Time to move on

I hope you have a paper trail for that 5k

CinderellaFant · 22/01/2017 19:46

He's sending nudes. Sorry op

RedastheRose · 22/01/2017 19:54

Sorry OP not good for you as everyone else has said he's lying. Keep quite while you get your ducks in a row then LTB seems the best option. Sort out where to go and get any papers you need to try and get your 5k back organised.

LesisMiserable · 23/01/2017 01:19

Oh its really starting to annoy me now, adults risking their real life relationships for the juvenile shit. Depressing.

OP , he's an embarrassment.

ShatnersWig · 23/01/2017 08:26

I wouldn't be in a relationship with anyone who used Snapchat. I can see see no other reason to have it than to send nude photos or messages that you need to disappear - in other words, fine if you're young and single and silly but otherwise the only reason to use it if you're in a relationship is that you have something to hide.

Gingerbreadlass · 23/01/2017 08:35

I like snapchat as it also allows you to follow stories and keep up with some of people who are not on my FB or Instagram. I follow and equestrian event er and a couple of other businesses. It's not just nudes on snapchat.

However, the USP of snapchat is obviously the fact that messages disappear.

OP I'd focus on getting proof of your 5k in there and lining up your departure. I think in your heart of hearts you know he is lying to you and staged that conversation. I am sorry.

Original poster

Tictock123 · 23/01/2017 08:58

Thanks guys..
I asked for his phone last night, I wanted to message her pretending to be him to find the truth, he gave me his phone with little fuss, maybe this is a good sign?

I said I wanted to leave him, but he wants to fix things and has said he will delete all social media apps, is it worth a go?

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 23/01/2017 09:05

We've already told you what we think. Not sure what's to be gained by asking us again.

Will you be able to trust him again? Will you always have a voice doubting him?

SparklyMagpie · 23/01/2017 09:08

No its not worth it. Did you message her? Considering they staged the messages could you actually believe her when she'd tell you it was innocent? Because I know I couldn't

And now, he knows you're going to be onto him, so he'll just be more careful and cover his tracks.

Why would you want to stay in a relationship when you know you'll worry and have to keep checking his phone and making sure he has no social media?

Get some self respect, he's playing you.

TempusEedjit · 23/01/2017 09:25

He'll have handed his phone over without fuss because a) he'll have deleted anything else on there and b) he'll already have warned her to go along with the game for the next week or so till you've calmed down.

Offering to delete all social media is actually another big red flag. Massive overreactions like that tend to indicate guilt, if it's all innocent he would be looking to reassure you in other ways rather than delete his entire online social life (by the way they don't delete, they simply get a second phone and reopen all their accounts making sure to block you from them).

I know we sound overly cynical but cheaters follow a predictable script which we've seen so many times before. Does he have any previous form at all?

Gingerbreadlass · 23/01/2017 12:03

This is probably not his first time being sneaky. Snapchat has a PIN coded feature which lets you save snaps you send and receive or stories you post as FOR YOUR EYES ONLY. So there's not a chance you'll catch him out easily.

If the relationship has hit a stage where he's requesting another girl to send nudes and put himself out there by sending pics of his private parts then you need to start with the underlying issue if you want to fundamentally change his behaviour.

Ask him to be honest what he is missing in this relationship and see if you can both work on this together or draw a line while you can still both be amicable and call it a day.

AnyFucker · 23/01/2017 12:17

If you have to micro manage him and ban all social media like you would with a 10yo, then no, it's not going to work

The whole point is that you should be able to trust him with all manner of communications. But you do not and he has given you good reason not to.

mrsaxlerose · 25/01/2017 16:24

fight fire with fire. I had this problem for a little while. my partner had snapchat on his phone and was sending pics to other women. I put it on my phone,told him I had and then told him my phone was now out of bounds to him. I put a lock on my phone and waited. 1 week later it had all disappear off his phone and he no longer did it. What's good for him is good for you. you will find he doesn't like it so if he wants you to stop he has to . you never know you might make some good friends out of it

Huskylover1 · 25/01/2017 22:01

mrsaxlerose you are insane. So, your husband was sending nude pics to other women? Your solution was to get Snapchat yourself. You believe (ha ha) that he then deleted snapchat...and you made friends with who exactly? Fucking hell!

mrsaxlerose · 26/01/2017 08:36

SIGH forgot how judgemental people are on here. My opinion, worked for me END OF IT

LesisMiserable · 26/01/2017 10:03

Love it. Shutting down an open forum discussion with "END OF IT". We're not your kids mrsaxel😜

SparklyMagpie · 26/01/2017 12:35

lesisMiserable

imnotfussy · 03/02/2018 21:32

snapchat seems to be a sneaky medium anyway so I'd be wary.

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