Looks Like I'm becoming a single parent

[Porffor]

STBXH and I have been talking separation since early December, we've been seriously working it out recently - with me viewing a 2 bed flat and then deciding I should take his role as stay at home parent, I handed my notice in on Thursday. A month. With a view to him moving out and having 50/50 custody.

2 days ago he lied about a phone call - wouldn't tell me who was on the phone and flat out denied it was even a call. Also 'stonewalled' me and the girls yesterday. He was rude to our 12 year old when she tried to talk to him - she's a daddy's girl and was most hurt by his rebuff. I spoke to him alone last night and said that he can't treat us like this, it's not fair and he just said he was trying to stay for the month till I finished work then would be going.

I got a text a while ago while out picking up DD1 - asking what time i'd be back as he has a ROOM to view - it's local (I saw a page open on his computer - i shut it down so the girls didn't see it for 'spare room') so found it as he said it had an orchard garden.

Yep he's off to look at a shared house, one double room. So much for 50/50 custody the girls won't even be able to stay at his.

Looks like the ride is about to get bumpy. I told my boss everything so at the worst I'll have to ask to cover a rural office to work out my notice, or finish early.

Seriously disappointing that he isn't taking having the girls seriously though - the rent for this place isn't far off what it is for a flat. DD2 is going to be heart broken as it is. It's going to be tricky if he expects to come here all the time. I don't even know how he's going to move all his stuff into one room - he has a helluva lot of music related 'stuff' - yeah I call it junk / rubbish or plain hoarding.

Anyone else had an Ex go to a single room occupancy? How did you work around contact?

I understand your desire to limit the impact of your split on your children but your limited family finances will have a big influence on the practicalities of the split. The decision to split appears to be a mutual one but your main bone of contention appears to be his choice of dwelling. You say that a two bedroom dwelling isn't much more than a shared room but if the family finances currently can't support 'much more', than securing a two bedroom could be counter productive (ensuring instability).

There's probably a compromise here but you both have to be open to it and both be prepared to be creative with what you've got. And no, your communication isn't great, if you've found out about a change to an agreement about accommodation by looking at webpages/searches on his laptop.

Crunch the numbers because ultimately they will determine the options open to you.

Ok don't panic. So you're going to keep the flat and the kids, plus the adoption allowance, child benefit and child tax credit. If you can, working 16 hrs pw as a single aren't will be enough for you to qualify for working tax credit (assuming the adoption allowance isn't treated as income). You will also get some Housing Benefit and help with council tax (assuming you have limited savings.) Claim Job Seekers Allowance as soon as you stop getting paid. Look for 16 hrs pw of any work. And yes, look on entitledto.

Presumably the 17yo can watch the 7yo for a bit if you're not there?