I don't want it to be over

[Chlandy]

Hi,

So I've wrote on here before and got some sound advice so trying again...

I nearly gave up with my partner a few weeks ago due to his lack of support, anyway after seeking advice I spoke to his family we had a big intervention a lot came out and he has PND. However, since it has come out he has been so supportive, still not 100% confident with our son (10 weeks old), but has supported me in other ways, getting baths ready for me, getting bottles, looking after baby when I'm with him to support etc.

However, past couple of days he's been less supportive then today he said he was going out for 2 hours to play pool with his dad... It's now been 8 hours and he's turned his phone off. We had plans for tonight, takeaway night and he was going to take our son off my hands as he's been quite unsettled last few days and I'm exhausted. Well he hasn't come home, isn't with his dad anymore and with his friend who is a massive bad influence. He's got our only bank card and left me with no food in as he was bringing the shopping home on way back (don't even have milk or bread, baby has all he needs tho as I keep stocked up). Now I've been strong and told his friend to tell him not to bother coming back as I'm sick of his selfish ways... Deep down I'm hoping and praying he comes back as I love him so much, but he is really selfish. He's 30 years old and he's just not grown up. I appreciate the PND but is this an excuse? Am I being harsh?

I'm so scared of being a single mum, but I don't think I can handle anymore. I need a happy home for my baby. So sad, how do I deal with all this?

Thanks for reading X

Is he back yet OP?

Yes he came back at 9 yesterday morning tail between legs. Told him it wasn't good enough and if he wanted to behave like that and live that life to leave as we're better off without him, a lot of tears shed and spoke a lot but still asked him to leave as can't just forgive that easily, I don't want to end it but think we need some space and him to think about what he really wants and didn't want a bad atmosphere for my son so he's staying with family at the minute and my mum is having my son tomorrow so we can meet and talk... I know I might sound like a mug, but I don't want to break up my family :(

You're not 'breaking up your family', you're protecting you and your son from the selfish behaviour of an adult. I seriously doubt the validity of your GP's PND diagnosis but without treatment his depression will not improve and neither you or his family can make him access or engage in treatment.

You need to get practical and stop letting your love for this man get in the way of your responsibilities. Why in gods name is there only one bank card and why is in the hands of someone so inconsiderate? He will either step up or he won't but you do you or your son no favours, by endangering your MH by putting up with his shit.

Time to take a step back.

OP you did so well standing your ground and asking him to still leave, takes a strong person to stick to that.

You are not a mug, and it isn't breaking up a family, I'm sure most of us can understand why you want to make it work regardless of him being a tool at the moment. Keep us posted xxx.

He is an arse.
What parents turns off their phone to prevent contact-what if the DS had been ill.
PND bollocks.
Selfish cunt more like who couldn't keep up the pretence anymore of being the perfect parent anymore.
He probably thinks he will get away with it--a wee slap on the wrists and an extended stay away with family. Then carry on as normal.
Do you really want to live a life like this, worrying every time he goes out is he going to come back ???