Don't know what to do *sensitive*

[CheekyNandosChicken]

I have a friend called M. We became friends as a result of regularly bumping into each other locally. She's from SE Asia and has a dd one year younger than mine. (They are teens) She is married to an English guy who I exchanged pleasantries with and he seemed friendly.

So far, so good.

However, Facebook suggested the husband as a friend. I had a peek at his profile and it is beyond disgusting. It is dedicated to condemning abortion and has horrific pics to go with it. He has formed a group with other men and they discuss the topic.

M is not on FB. She's not very computer literate (I've seen her struggle to answer a FaceTime call from her dd on the iPad) Since the revelation about her husband's attitude to women, I'm struggling to relax in her company. Do I need to broach the subject so I can decide whether or not to be friends?
If she has the same view I really can't be friends with her.

The topic of abortion has never come up when we've hung out so I have no idea on her opinions about it. (I realise that it's not the 1950s so she can have a different view to her husband)

Wannabe - indeed!

FuckOffDM - the family vs friend point I had already part made. I would not quiz friends to identify whether they adhere to the same positions as mine. Another matter if they start pushing their ideas I find truly offensive onto me - I d probably challenge them though rather than just ditch.

Thank you for the replies. I've decided not to ask her for her opinions but I will try and suss out if she knows what her dh's FB is like. She treats me well and respectfully.
I have friends with different religious and political beliefs and get along fine with them. Racism, homophobia and misogyny in this manner isn't ok at all.

I am going to change my username now in order to leave this post behind.

I've taken a different view to everyone. I'm worried this woman is with an absolute nutter. I would stay friends with her to ensure she's ok.

I suspect his views towards the opposite sex are related to why he married a lady from South-East Asia (of course some men who aren't chauvinist end up married to women from 3rd (and '2nd') world countries) ... but many men who are have purposely sought out a woman from a culture they believe to me more 'traditional' and less liberal.

There are internet forums and youtube videos packed full of guys like that talking about how western women have been ruined and infected by feminism etc.and a man's only sensible route is to get a wife from a 3rd world/not yet 'feminised' culture.

Agree this lady could do with help & support but I think you're only going to end up being more and more uncomfortable with aspects of their relationship & life; and she will probably not be open to leaving him so it will just be frustrating and unpleasant. drop friendship back to acquaintance-ship perhaps?

I'm with any fucker.
I can tolerate different opinions to mine, in fact I welcome open debates.
However I could not be friends with any man who was petitioning to prevent abortion.
I find it on a par with racist, mysoginists or others who think they can control other groups of society.
He gas gone far beyond having an opinion if he is part of a group posting on fb.

I assume he never eats meat and doesn't support violence against any living thing . Oh hang on, no probably not as that is HIS right. It's only scummy females who shouldn't have rights.

I also assume that he doesn't believe in contraception as that prevents the creation of human life.

I would broach the subject with her.
She might need your help one day to deal with this mysoginistic twat.

To those posters likening it to having different political views or tastes, this is more like finding the DH runs a English Defence League page. You might agree to disagree with someone who makes un-pc jokes, but if they were actively promoting something like that, then I imagine you might rethink associating with them. It's one thing to be prolife on a personal level, a whole other ballgame to be an active campaigner.

And for me, reproductive autonomy is a basic human right. So, a hill I would die on.

"OP, why can't you be friends with these people who hold disgusting opinions?" (Head-tilt).

I wish MN had a facility where the first few posts on any topic could be quarantined. They are usually the wankiest...

I feel pretty uncomfortable re abortion. I am a Catholic. ( Not a very good one) Abortion was always seen as a wicked thing as I grew up.
However, a few years ago a close family member had a crisis in their life that meant that they were likely to choose an abortion. It really struck me that you need to walk in someone's shoes in order to appreciate their point of view.
I still feel uncomfortable with abortion but I would never judge anyone for having to choose that option. I would hate it if anyone should judge me for my discomfort.

I don't understand how anyone on MN has any friends given the amounts of people they couldn't be friends with because they may hold X or Y opinions.

Abortion is a pretty emotive topic. Not everyone is comfortable with the idea that abortion is pretty readily available, and while I certainly wouldn't advocate activism over it an opinion is just that - an opinion, and as long as those opinions aren't thrust in someone's face I don't see what the issue is.

The OP said that this woman is pretty pleasant. The only reason she even knows that her DH holds such views is because she went looking at his FB profile. Personally I would find it much more difficult to accept someone as a friend who was so narrow-minded as to think that a friendship should be dismissed on the basis of the views of said friend's partner than I would be of a friendship where the friend held certain views which they had never actually expressed and therefore it couldn't be known for certain whether they even held those views.

People are entitled to hold what ever opinion they like.
It does not mean that anyone has to agree with them.
It certainly does not mean that their opinion cannot be challenged and dissected.
I am pro choice full stop.

However, I refused an amino test precisely because I knew that I would keep my baby regardless of any negative result.
That was my choice and thank god I live in a society that allows me that choice.

I do know couples who have chosen to abort the baby because of a negative result.
I haven't fallen out with them.

I would however not be friends with the husband of the ops friend.
Posting on an Internet forum is not private.
It is broadcasting your opinion.
At worse it is demonising women who, for whatever reason, chose to end their pregnancy.

But there is a difference between holding a view which you make publically known and which means that people may choose not to engage, and holding a view in private which you choose not to make public which people feel they have a right to know so they can decide whether to be friends with you or not. Or worse, for your partner to hold a view and people needing to feel that you should clarify your own stance on said view in order that they decide whether to be friends with you.

Well my colleague is applying for a job within the police force.
She will not be working with the public.
She will not be a police officer. She will merely be employed by the police.
On her application form she has to sign to say that she is not a member of the bnp.
With this in mind I'd have to disagree with you.

There are no ifs or buts. Anyone who holds that view will not be employed.
They don't even have to have publicly said or done anything racists or illegal.
They don't even have to have said anything.
The bnp is a legitimate organisation.
What's the difference between this and being a member of a group which holds mysoginistic views?
Is it ok because the prejudice and hatred is directed only at women?

If you hold the view then You believe it.

You are honouring hatred towards members of society who are doing nothing illegal.
There only crime is taking control of their own reproductive organs.

I don't have any issue with anyone choosing not to have an abortion, read my previous post. I personally would not have done it.
Nevertheless I stand by the fact that others have a fundamental right to choose.

The hypocrisy of it all boils my piss.

The most ironic thing is that often these fanatical pro lifers eat meat!
They actually encourage and promote the killing of life for their own selfish greed.
Quite often they are pro the death penalty too.
Oh and for extra hypocrisy they have sex outside committed stable relationships.

No I really couldn't be friends with that.