Don't want sister (and her kids) in my life...

[anon223344]

I really cannot stand my sister!
I hate seeing her and sometimes it's really hard to pretend that I like to be around her and her kids! I don't want to pretend anymore, I had enough!
We both have kids, so this will be hard for them.
I know this will break my parents heart and not too sure what will happen when they find out about my decision.

But how do I do this? Do I just tell my sister I want nothing to do with her and her family?
Anyone been in a similar situation?

If you see her at your parents' every Sunday, will going NC deprive your children of their grandparents as well? I think that update complicates things significantly.

Could you go see your parents on another day?
Or have them round to visit you?

Thank you for all the replies, I really appreciate it!

I don't think my sister will care if I cut all contact, lately she only contacts me if she needs anything! Unfortunately she is fake, she will twist everything and make me look like the bad one! Perhaps I should stop caring about what people think of me and do what I feel is right!

Again thank you for all the replies!

LostSight and ratspeaker I will have to see my parents another day, that is something else I need to think about!

Could you have some sort of project that means you aren't free on Sundays for several weeks, then invite your parents over to yours on a Saturday for lunch and a catch-up (maybe making Saturday your day to see them)? I think at some point you are going to have to tell your parents that you need some time without seeing your sister, but you don't need to present it as being final, just maybe that you need a break from her.

anon my sister does the same. She's the eternal victim. It used to bother me a huge amount but when I realised that whatever she says doesn't affect what is actually true it became a lot easier for me. I also realised that people who were sucked in by her lies aren't worth me worrying about. The bollocks she spouts comes undone with the tiniest bit of scrutiny so the people who believe it aren't really worth bothering with as they're unwilling to examine things.

I'd urge slight caution though as if she twists everything she will probably start a smear campaign. I found the best thing to do with this is not engage. Tell the flying monkeys that you aren't willing to discuss private matters. Eventually they go away (for a while).

I don't think u are being unreasonable to cut contact with your sister - especially if she has done something bad which has upset you. However you have to be prepared to deal with the fallout from that as obviously it will be upsetting for your parents and both your and your sisters children will be missing out on seeing their cousins.
Myself and dh unfortunately had to do this with my dh's brother and sil. It's not easy and they're not even my blood. I feel guilty when the kids ask about their cousins, but it had just become too upsetting to try and be friendly and involved and keep getting it thrown back in our faces. You can't keep on putting yourself in the line of fire.
As long as u are prepared for the fact your sis may blame u for the estrangement (it takes a tough skin to know the family are talking about you negatively behind your back) - you will be ok (and it sounds like there's really no love lost)!

So your kids don't miss out, could you drop them round for Sunday lunch and pick them up after. Obviously you will need to be honest with your parents.

SwearyGodmother Thank you for your reply. I find it frustrating, she is always the victim, she is always so nice (and fake)... problem is people actually believe she is this amazing person.

Thank you for your reply and all the best to you!

are you sure this hasnt got its roots in jealousy?

Why does it have to be all or nothing? Seems an extreme reaction, just contact her less and see her when you have to. Less drama hixh can surely only be a good thing?

Bushymuffmum Yes I know it's not going to be easy. As for being prepared to get the blame, I actually don't know how I'm going to react, hopefully I will be strong enough to move on and ignore it.

WallisFrizz That wouldn't be an option. I don't want my kids around my sister at all, unfortunately that means no contact between my kids and her kids too.

Could you just go low/minimal contact. I.e. Presents and visits on birthdays and Christmas.

Animosity that's out in the open isn't fair for the children who are cousins and some years down the line will probably be adult friends .

This helps me when I worry about my sister's behaviour. It might help you anon

I'm low contact with my sister and it works but there are times when I do feel guilty or miss her.

But it's so reassuring to learn that others don't see their sisters as despite the things she has done to hurt us, and the clear incompatibility of the relationship, I still have times where I convince myself I am a terrible person.

My parents know about what happened and I think if I had decided to cut contact at the time, they would have been ok with it, but now I'm not so sure, as it's been a while.

I don't know what your relationship is like with your parents, but in this situation, I suspect I would talk to my parents first, explain that this is something you have never really managed to get past and that you'd like to try seeing them at a different time for a while.

Personally, I wouldn't make any big announcement, but would just try to quietly avoid for a while and see how things progress. Announcements can follow later, if necessary.

NC is not something I would use lightly, but if I felt I, or worse, my children, were being damaged psychologically, then I would indeed do whatever was necessary to protect myself/them.

Good luck. I hope you can find a way to preserve the relationship with your parents.

Make a big point of only spending time with your parents when she's not there. If they hope for Sunday lunch, it doesn't work for you. If they push for a reason, invent one, kids going apeshit afterwards, you finding it impossible to prepare for work etc. if she susses and you can't face telling her to fuck off, make suggestions you know won't work for her, eg " I can see you on Wednesday at [awkward location] at 10am, is that OK?"