Ex spying on me via neighbours....

[silkflowers]

I left my abusive ex a few months ago. Still in the house; he is not. He went to see one set of neighbours the other day for ages and then today he fired questions to me: asking me who my babysitter is and why workmen were here etc. He threatened to report me to social services for having a "stranger" babysitting the DC and said I am being watched "all the time"

WWYD? Police have issued him with a harrassment warning but tbh I am really cross with neighbours for giving him all this info. They know it is a messy split and police have attended a few times (which they will have seen).

Any advice gratefully received x

I will discuss this with the police when I speak to them because ex has a lot of detailed information, including how I left DC with babysitter to go out... I mean, wth?! Are they watching my every move? Ex took my car as well without warning (neighbours know this) so I am car-less and he is witholding the money I put towards it until various stuff has been agreed via our solicitors.

The one thing I am wondering (as he mentioned SS to me yesterday) is if he's spun them a tale about me being an unfit mother etc and to keep tabs on me so he can report to the SS...

I'd say let him report you - if you've left the kids with a babysitter the aren't going to be interested are they?

If you have work done - so what?

SS look at he children their environment and speak to school about any concerns - if you are looking after them and treating them week you have nothing to fear - let him rant!!

I've been in a very similar situation. My ex had told the neighbours a ton of lies about me. They believed him and were passing information to him. I would hope that the police would warn your neighbours about the potential for them to be charged with harassment. You should live your life with total disregard that you area being spied on and log but never respond to his messages. Why are you so sure that there is no surveillance equipment in place? Presumably neighbours could have kept watch while he accessed your home.

I doubt he would report me - I think it is just scare tactics, essentially him trying to control me still. It's just something I don't need right now with everything else going on, including his ongoing harrassment.

I don't think he has had any surveillance installed, Kitty, but presumably the police will ask him where he got this information from and he will need to answer that question? Sorry to hear you have been in this situation - I hope they are not still your neighbours?

I would be tempted to tell the neighbours that if they persist in helping him to break the law then they could be arrested themselves. It may well shut them up. But it does mean them knowing even more about you and they obviously enjoy sticking their beaks in.

It would just never occur to me to even 'chat' about someone with their ex. Isn't it the social norm to keep things neutral and say 'um-hm, nice weather today' if their ex comes up?

Talk to the police. Then talk to your neighbours, and tell them that the police may be calling them to question them about their conversations with your ex. That should put paid to their gossiping.

House was sold silkflowers, it was in the period between ex moving out and house sale going through. If anyone came or went there would be a text. The neighbours seemed surprised when they waved at me recently in the car and I ignored them.