Found escort searches on laptop

[WienerDiva]

Hi Everyone,

I don't have time to change name or anything but I've found escort searches on the laptop.

Things are horrendous between us.

I told him in August I didn't love him anymore but due to external family members etc it's been messy.

I'm not wanting to drip feed but I'm on a time constraint.

I'm almost laughing at this due the way things have panned out in our relationship.

But what do I do I now?

[WienerDiva]

Oh my God Scoop! I've just burst into tears seeing a familiar name pop up!

Now you know why I've been quiet in our usual meet up place.

[WienerDiva]

Thank you for the other replies too.

I don't know how much longer, my parents now know I have met someone else - they are threatening to disown me.

Husband doesn't know that they know.

So is still trying to play that card.

It's definitely all steps moving forward though.

[Only1scoop]

Aww Wiener....your lovely self and your razor sharp wit have been missed. Come back soon....

Horrible situation for you to be in

[WienerDiva]

Thanks Scoop. And I will do x

[TatianaLarina]

I totally understand how galling it must be to have him and your family pressurise you into working things out, while he's sniffing around sex workers.

The whole thing stinks.

On the plus side your family disowning you is win win.

I would make 2017 the year you get shot of the lot of them.

[WienerDiva]

Thanks Tatiana.

I think what makes me hesitant to do that is that I feel within myself that "how can they all be wrong and I'm right" type mentality.

[TatianaLarina]

I can sense that and I think the pressure to work it out is speaking to a small part of you that fears they may be right. But they're emphatically not.

They're all completely wrong and quite bananas by the sound of it.

[TatianaLarina]

That's why you're so annoyed by the hypocrisy - it's emotional blackmail in your weakest point. They're playing the morality card to try to control you and it's just pure manipulation.

[WienerDiva]

I know you're right. I think I need mister up some more strength within myself first, so I can deal with/handle the onslaught that they're going to throw at me.

I'm seeing my counsellor on Thursday, she seems great so I'm hoping she can give me some tools to get my head round things

[Costacoffeeplease]

What can they realistically do?

Go no contact with them if they can't be civil

[WienerDiva]

They will probably camp outside my front door! And get other family members to contact me

[Costacoffeeplease]

I'd just laugh if any of my family did that. Treat them with detached, slightly amused, contempt

[WienerDiva]

I am starting to feel that way Costa

[Costacoffeeplease]

I think it's the only way, it takes away their power if it all just rolls off you and they don't get a reaction

[WienerDiva]

I just wanted to add to this, I went to my parents' house (with husband) for dinner and my father asked to talk to me in his office.
Thankfully it was all very calm.

But I basically got lectured into staying with my husband for the good of the family.

I apparently have to think about how it will make them feel if I leave, how it will make my grandmother feel and the rest of the family.

Am I prepared to for them to never speak to me again?

I'm apparently also, ill equipped to deal with life on my own. That I haven't the necessary skills or qualifications to live anything but an impoverish life. How can I possibly do that to my daughter?!

My husband looking for paid sex and borderline pornography is my fault. And what I'm doing is worse anyway.
Father then proceeded to give me a biology lesson and said the first thing that needs sorting in my marriage is the physical side of things.

I'm fucking stuck as far as they are concerned.

But I won't let myself be.

[Sixisthemagicnumber]

Why are you going for dinner at your parents And taking Your husband when you are separated? You need to stop pretending to your parents.

[BitOutOfPractice]

I have to agree with Six the boundaries with your stbxh are very blurred. Most of all in your mind op.

Are you separated or not? You seem to want to have it both ways

[AnyFucker]

Op, I don't understand what you are doing

Are you separated from your husband or not. Why do you tolerate being called into your father's office like a subordinate employee ?

Have you told everyone he is searching for prostitutes ?

Tell them all to fuck off. This is your life. They cannot force you to do anything. What is their control over you fueled by ?

[WienerDiva]

I know the boundaries are blurred.

I'm saying quite clearly that we are separated. They however are all hearing "just having a few issues".

I did tell my dad that he's been searching for prostitutes, he said that that was my fault.

[WienerDiva]

My husband this morning has said to me that I can leave anytime I want to. But under no circumstances can I take our dd.
I don't want to go with that horrendous battle, I feel it would be best if I leave with his "blessing" as such

[Costacoffeeplease]

I can't quite believe what I'm reading

What's with the family dinner? Is your father the headmaster and you've been smoking behind the bike sheds

Is your husband above the law that he decides where your daughter lives?

Why do you allow them all to treat you like this? I assume you've grown up with this, but you're an adult now, you know different

[AnyFucker]

Never mind his bullshit

Call a solicitor today and start the divorce process

You need to start getting proactive here and stop engaging with all this crap

[Joysmum]

You may clearly be saying your separated but you are behaving very differently. It's no wonder others are confused when you are giving out mixed messages. They say actions speak louder than words.

[WienerDiva]

They aren't confused. They just refuse to accept it.

I go along with it because right now I don't know what else to do.

I'm calling a solicitor this morning, I've got the names of a few that will give me an hour for free.

They have controlled everything, from what gcse subjects and a level subjects to take, to what car I buy, even down to fucking colour.
Mum even stuck her nose in with how my daughter should be delivered (she paid for me to have her privately and was trying to discuss with my consultant what I should do). The decision in the end was taken out of all our hands.
However I've explained all of this to them and they don't see how they've controlled anything. I've explained that sometimes control can be as simple as their own reactions to something. If I can guess or be worried about what their reactions might be over something that has fuck all to so with them, I'm still governed by them aren't I?

[BitOutOfPractice]

I wasn't saying your parents are confused. I'm saying you sound confused.

If you're separated you have no interest in his liaisons. Neither would you take him out for family lunches. Or call him "my husband" etc. AF is right, you need to get proactive and put unequivocal measures in place