Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Any other age gappers out there?

51 replies

Lila16 · 20/01/2017 12:37

I've seen a few comments mentioning age gap threads and a bit of negativity but haven't seen the threads. Not sure what to achieve from this thread but interesting to hear from any other age gappers out there. I'm now 30 and my partner is 47. We met when I was 25. We have no age gap related issues whatsoever.

OP posts:
HelenaJustina · 20/01/2017 17:49

My DH is 21 years older than me, we've been married more than 10 years and have 4DC. He has no other children, and I've always been old for my years. It's working for us!

dotdash · 20/01/2017 18:06

I'm 10 yrs older than my DH. Been together 20 years this year.

No problems or comments at all!

jemmstar1980 · 20/01/2017 18:49

9.5 years between us (I'm 36 he is 45) no issues ever - although sometime I call him a grumpy old man!

BloodSweatToilAndTears · 20/01/2017 18:53

I'm 25 and DH is 37, we met when I was 19 and he was 31. Our first baby is due in September. Sometimes I joke that I wish he was even older!

IceCat · 20/01/2017 18:55

I'm 4 years older than him

Aquamarine1029 · 20/01/2017 19:44

I'm 12 years older than my husband. Been together 8 years, married for almost 6. Our age gap has never been an issue. We have a solid relationship based on trust and love. That's all that matters.

Thomasthetank456 · 20/01/2017 19:57

Dp is 9 years older than me. Met just before I turned 20 been together 17 years. Gap only really notices when you talk about the year you left school or started work

blueandgreendots · 20/01/2017 20:01

DH is 27 I'm 36, we've got two children. I only notice the gap when I talk about TV shows etc from the 80's!

Fireandflames666 · 20/01/2017 20:49

My partner is nine years older than me, we met when i was 18.

Lunawolf · 20/01/2017 20:55

DH is 51, I'm 32.

It was a concern for him in the beginning, however never been an issue since.

Chasingsquirrels · 20/01/2017 21:01

I'm 44, DH is 58.
We got together 5 years ago.
I used to think he was too old for me, but in reality the age gap was never an issue, other than occasional cultural 'of our age' references.
I did used to think he'd probably die before me, but didn't dwell on it as I imagined it would be many years hence.
He's now got cancer, which could of course happen at any age, and the prognosis isn't good.
I'm very very sad about things, but don't see it as an age gap issue.
I just wish we'd have longer together.

Marmalade85 · 20/01/2017 21:30

My sister married a man 26 years older than her. They met when she was 22 and he nearly 50. Been together 6 years.

Whathappensnowthen · 20/01/2017 21:48

Mintychoc makes an interesting point. My husband is 51, previously had long term relationships with women his age. Then got together with me - I'm 13 years younger. It all seems so lovely at first, being with someone older and wiser who knows how to treat a lady etc etc. But then, years down the line, the age gap becomes much more of an issue. Sometimes it can be old-fashioned views (mother's should stay home with the children for example), but there's also the fact that having a slightly "wild" youth will eventually catch up with you. It's me that's having to deal with that. And our children. The health issues, the "I'm too old to change" mentality etc. Even little things like having to pay much more for a mortgage because we have to have it over 18 years rather than 30 ish because of his age. And the ability (or not) to get health/life insurance because of his various age-related ailments. I am definitely seeing the flip side of the age-gap now and I wish I had listened to the people who warned me early on that it wasn't a good idea.

ExitPursuedBySpartacus · 20/01/2017 22:00

DH is 13 years older.

clumsyduck · 20/01/2017 22:05

No issue with age gaps at all

Think the negativity on here ( and for me personally ) is the late teens with much older men and a clear power imbalance

After that and you have two consenting equal adults of whatever age . Life is to short so if you meet someone you really love then go for it

NarcsBegone · 20/01/2017 22:18

I only see older men usually (last bf was only 3 years older and that was a disaster of epic proportions. 1st older man was 30 years older and is still a very precious friend. Then usually 15-25 years older. Exh was 12 years older and that was the biggest mistake of my life! I'm seeing someone 23 years older now and we have a very relaxed relationship but we are have been friends for over 20 years. I don't really fancy anyone my age. At the same time I'm not very good in the choices of men I make and I'm a bit shit within a relationship.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 20/01/2017 22:25

I'm 38 and DH is nearly 60. We have been together for 18 years and got married when he was 44 and I was 22. We have never had any problems.

My ex was 12 years older than me too. I have never fancied anyone my own age. I have been in a relationship since I was 17 though (only a few months between finishing with my ex and meeting DH). My ex was abusive but I don't think he wanted me just because he could control and abuse me, because his ex wife was his age and he was the same with her.

Original poster
Lila16 · 20/01/2017 22:58

Chasing squirrels, I'm sorry you and your husband are facing this. Hugs to you xxx

Thank you all for responses, so nice to hear so many out there!

Yes health in the future may be an issue, but you never know what's around the corner so you can't not be with someone because of what could happen in 40 years.

When I was 18 I was seeing someone who was 35 and looking back I just cringe now. I was so into it, but now I am older and wiser, I realise I was being treated like an escort really ! That was not a real relationship. YUCK mortified by that one. Live and learn .....

OP posts:
salopia · 21/01/2017 18:36

Same age gap between me and my husband , we have been married for 28 years, he is now 68 and although sprightly he's bought a cloth cap and I keep telling him him he looks like an old bloke , he says he is !!

Justaboy · 23/01/2017 22:42

Did have a 20 year age gap (she younger) but am divorced now but it wasn't the age gap that caused that!.

Alisvolatpropiis · 23/01/2017 23:30

My stbxh is 19 years older than me. The split isn't age related per se and it's true you can't help who you love but I'd actively avoid being in another relationship with a significantly older man in the future.

Ginkypig · 24/01/2017 00:08

14 1/2 years together and 14 1/2 years difference in age i only just realised that!

Our relationship works very well, we very rarely disagree. We suit each other and quite happily share our time together while also having independent friends and interests

No problems regarding age but both of us are under 50 so no age related illnesses yet.

I know I may end up being a widow but actually he is in better health than me so maybe not.

TheRealBarenziah · 24/01/2017 08:25

DP and I met when I was 29 and he was 41; we're now 30 and 42. There's 12.5 years between us. I'm nervous about how the age gap will impact us when, say, I'm 57 and he turns 70. His father is in poor health in his early 70s, so if DP follows that mould our last years together may be a challenge. But I love him, and I don't think that's a reason to sacrifice the 30 or so happy years we'll hopefully have together before ageing starts to take its toll.

dalmatianmad · 24/01/2017 08:29

My partners ex wife is 40 and her new partner is 81! He's also very rich Grin

BillyButtfuck · 24/01/2017 09:13

I'm 23 DH 36, we have two babies and are, for the most part, happy.