Verbal abuse

[namechangerequired22]

I don't want to go into lots if details but I suppose I need some perspective. I grew up in a volatile and violent house as a child.

My husband looses his temper, whilst not violent, he is very verbally abusive. He massively overreacts and blames it on work stress. He is very stressed and I understand that. But in front of my 7 month old baby today he called me a cunt several times and told me to fuck off and to shut up. He hasn't apologised for this, I don't know if he will. I cried and cried and I said to him, you don't treat someone you love and have respect for in this way. He just said he was stressed. He may come back later and apologise, but probably not. It is a regular occurrence now. I don't want my baby witnessing this, especially as he gets older. So I am guessing I leave. What else should I do? He thinks he is a brilliant Dad but I don't think doing this is front of his son is particularly brilliant. I have talked to him and he makes empty promises, but this is the one thing I never wanted my child to witness. I witnessed my Mum being abused over and over.

Ask him how he would feel out shopping somewhere with your dd and his first word is cunt and he starts shouting it?? Would he feel proud or thoroughly ashamed?? He need to start being a good role model or expect to be a part time dad.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. You're right it's NOT OK & you're right to recognise this & to not allow him to speak to you like that. Stressed or not, he needs to be able to control himself & not abuse you.

Do you think he would agree to anger management /stress management counseling etc?

If he can't change, then you need to break the cycle & get rid of him. Your child should not be witness to that abuse at any age.

Best of luck.

Hi OP sorry to hear you're having a shit time. My husband is the same although there was a time when he was violent too but it feels like he now just verbally abuses instead! I put up with this when the kids were smaller and we did split up for 2 years although stupidly I believed him when he said he had changed and we got back together. I am divorcing him now as he recently started saying things to our 10 year old son. He knows that I hate the kids being involved so he does it more and now calls me a shit mum in front of them... my advice is don't make excuses for him or let him bullshit you, my husband doesn't treat others in his life like this as I am sure yours doesn't either. Sort it now before your child is old enough to understand.

He wouldn't call his supervisor at work a cunt.

You know you can't bring your DD up exposed to this. You don't want her to have the same childhood that you did and you can only avoid that by not bringing her up in a house where her father verbally abuses her mother then blames something else for his actions.

Sorry, DC, not DD!

He is disgusting and he's not a good dad, good dad's don't verbally abuse the mother of their child; instead of crying, you need to toughen up here and tell him you will not tolerate this or your child being exposed, abuse is abuse, there is never an excuse for it, especially blaming it on stress, absolute crap, we all suffer stress; he does it because he wants to and he gets away with it.

No-one protected you from what you saw unfortunately and you grew up seeing similar in your parents household. It affected you markedly and this has played a role in you being with someone like this man now. We after all learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents, look at what yours taught you. Do not do that to your child now.

He feels entitled to act like he does (as your own dad felt as well when it came to your mother) and these men do not change.

Protect your child, make plans to leave this man before your DS becomes really affected by this as he surely will be in later years.

Womens Aid can and will help you here; 0808 2000 247.

I know I have to leave. The one thing that got me through my early life was the promise I would never ever do this to my kids. I can be self sufficient. There is no point in counselling etc, it takes motivation to try and change. I used to have a short temper, I have gained complete control over this now, but I knew it was wrong and I knew I had to change. I was never like him though. I keep sitting thinking about what to say, how to say it, writing things down. But I really don't see any point. I suppose part of me doesn't believe that there are relationships where this doesn't occur. I know that isn't true, but it feels that way at times. I cried today because the reality finally hit, it is over.

Can I call womens aid for verbal abuse though?

Yes you can call them.

There are absolutely relationships where this doesn't happen.

Children who are exposed to domestic abuse do not develop as emotionally healthy as those who don't. Their brains develop differently, this is proven. Research is available on the web.

I don't think you realise how extreme being called a cunt over and over in front of your child is - of course women's aid is for you!

That simply does not happen in non-abusive relationships.

I have to commend you though for resolving to get out now whilst your child is still so tiny. Its much harder as they get older. Whereas now of course if you leave your child will grow up never seeing what you had to see.

Walk away

Please call women's aid
You and your child deserve better