Dh has been to look at a bedsit today so I guess thats it then our marriage is over.

[longwaytogoandabitfurther]

Dh had an affair 20 months ago and deeply regretted it, and since that time up until christmas he has constantly reassured me thats its me he loves and the family he wants.

Up until christmas that is when he had a fit, broke his shoulder and we discovered the fit was as a result of taking too many painkillers. Which incedentally he has been taking in exessive amounts for 11 years - although i have known over years that he has taken too many I always thought he stopped when I found out.

Any way since the affair lots of other things have transpired and he now says he doesn't love me, doesn't want me and the kids and is moving out.

Things have been up and down since Christmas and I suppose this is the end.

The thing is i'm afraid that this will be the end forever. I don't feel like I know him anymore. I feel that the last 11 years of our 16 yr marriage has been built on nothing but lies.

We have 4 gorgeous children and he's going to give it all up to sit in a bedsit on his own. what on earth has got into him..

Not a chance i have to do errands for him because atm he can't drive as he had a fit thurs before christmas bec of too much medication.

For instance tomorrow eve i have to take him to his counselling appointment and sit in teh car for an hour twiddling my thumbs because its too far to come home.He asks if I can take him/pick him up to the station for work as its about 1 1/2 miles.

Some things he's good at like he has done all the washing last night but then slept all afternoon because he was tired.

I know i'm still mothering him. But I don't know what else to do. If I don't do it then i;m gonna crack up its the only way I can deal with it atm.

He can get a taxi.

Stop mothering him - you're pandering to him by doing this. It's also not doing anything for your own self esteem.

GET A GRIP

And some self respect whilst you are at it.

Do you live on a Scottish Isle ?

If not there is public transport.

thw whole thing is very bizarre. if my dh were to leave me becuase he was bored with his life and wanted something more - leave me witht he children whilst he "found" himself.

i would kick him out on his arse - and whilst he was skidding down the road on his arse - i would be online banking transfering all his money to my account.

then i would ebay all his stuff. even for a penny.

anything not sellable i would break.

i would also scratch his company car.

would i speak a word to him?

no!

you should have thought about how brong and shit life is before you had kids mate - jesus where does your fella get off?

life is like a field full of cow dung. occasionally theres a pretty daisy but most of the time its just shit.

Well, to be soo malicious, custy, probably takes a lot of energy, which she says she doesn't have right now,and will no doubt be also keen to salvage what she can forthe sake of the little ones, rather than indulging in visciousness.

Oh - LWTGo - didn't know your full story until i read this thread and now I am crying again. What a mess eh? I don't understand how anyone can give up on their chance of being a real family to have absolutely nothing. If he was bored of his life before, how is he going to like living in a bedsit? Mad, mad, mad - what did we do? xxx

yes pann your right as always

Seriously, LWTG, if you treat dh like a child why are you surprised when he behaves like one? A mile and a half is not too far for a grown man to walk on his own. In fact, my 12 yo daughter walked about that far on her own today and took 6 yo ds!

I don't totally understand. But then I guess it's hard to press the stop button on all the things you are used to doing ... especially when you're feeling so hurt and vulnerable right now.

You will find the strength you need to effect the changes you needs to make (within this relationship or out of it) ...

I hope YOU are ok and looking after yourself through this crappy time

He's gone upstairs to tell the girls he's moving out. Although they do have an idea as my dm told them on the w/e. Not the way I or he would have wanted it but there we go.

I have had a laperoscopy today so am feeling pretty sore and tired.

So crap all this for you.

HOpe you are bearing up ... not sure that anything I can say/advise will help ... but thinking about you