does this sound like pmt & over reaction or just a useless partner ???

[frumpyfred]

on a couple of occasions dp has stayed out all night with no phone call/text - this began in pregnancy - upset me alot then and caused alot of stress and arguments ( i probably should explain we had only lived together for about 3 weeks when i fell on - a planned baby in the sense that i felt dp was the 'one' and at 34 was more than prepared to take the risk and suffer the consequences.)....... altho it probably sounds untoward i know there is nothing dodgy goin on but he works long shifts in a hotel , winds down some nights by drinking with pals , going clbbing and just 'forgetting' to contact or not realising how long he has actually stayed out .
I now feel like we have gone round in circles discussin this - he thinks i do it to control , i explained it is a matter of mannners and respect and i KNOW it would not be accepted if i came home when i felt like it .....
around oct/nov was last time it happened , after much discussion he promised to try harder and always sent a text or made a phone call (neither one bothers me as phone is on silent and can get msg when i wake up ( which i do often even when ds is fast asleep- but thats anothr problem!)
ds is 8.5mths old (i.e how long this has gone on) and when we came downstairs this morning dp was on sofa , just in at 6ish , pissed , sleepy , smelly and all he had to say was i had a bad shift
i plan to leave tomorrow when he is at work , luckily i hav a house i can go to for 3weeks max even if just to give him some thinking time - am i being unreasonable (his argument is if you know i'm on a late shift why does it matter waht time i come in?

My husband works shifts and is regularly late off but he knows his life is on the line if he doesn't let me know.

Being late he doesn't see as a problem because I'm in bed asleep and feels its silly to wake me just to say I'm going to be late but after several ear bashings from me we have agreed to disagree and he does text - like you my phone is on silent so I can pick up the message when I wake.

I think your partner is being unreasonable and still thinking like a 'singleton' rather than a man with responsibilities.

I do hope it all works out OK for you, big hugs

Hi frumpyfred, how does he behave at other times ? Is he good with ds ? do you talk ?

You say that you KNOW it wouldn't be ok if you did the same. If I was in your situation I would do the same and when he gets all worked up about it just remind him that this is what you have been talking about the whole time.

If he doesn't like it, why should he expect you be happy about it? One set of rules for everyone - not him doing what he likes whenever it suits him.

bensmum4 , he is pretty amazing with ds apart from being a bit anal about poo and messy feeding but will do it , we talk when i have literally pinned him down , removed all remotes and even then can be hard work ,like chipstick he has had maybe more than several ear bashings , i cant b bothered any more , and as 4 playing him at his own game have thought about it but not really enough energy to go out at mo (suppose could just stay at friends) , i am not telling him i am going today , he will find out whatever time he gets in from work tonight , he will probably guess where i am but this guy needs a large wake up call

Sorry to be blunt but he sounds like an idiot to think that this is okay. Would it be okay for you to say 'kids are yours for the night, see you whenever' and then bugger off all night? No? Didn't think so.

He does understand that he has chosen to be with you and those you choose you should cherish (that's cherish not take for granted and crap on from a great height)

Sorry, perhaps I'm a tad hard here....no, no, I'm not, he's being a git....do you have a heavy bottomed frying pan to hand?..........