Money, inequality, unfairness, help needed

[bananamuncher]

Husband makes 10x more than me. I work part-time, look after the baby and do a full time post-graduate degree.

Husband thinks I'm being unreasonable because I think we should have equal access to money in the relationship.

He pays the rent, he expects me to pay for everything, and I mean literally everything else. I can't afford that, which he must be aware of, but he gets pissed off whenever I try to talk about money, says he "isn't making a huge amount of money" and "he didn't think I'd turn into this kind of person" (no idea what he means by that). He keeps telling me I mustn't "fritter away" our savings, but in the same breath he expects me to magically pay for food, electricity, gas, nappies, TV, Internet, etc with no where near enough income to cover it.

Surely in a marriage it should be more equal? Surely we should both be making decisions and deciding about money?

He tells me he will "never" let me have access to "his" money.

Feeling really shitty about this right now. Need advice.

So sorry OP but I think there's no hope here with him. The fact he can even think this way at all is enough. He's a waste of space and you're wasting your time trying to get him to change. My husband would rather eat glass than think for one minute he wasn't providing for his family. I'm really sorry, but you and your child would be better off without him.

And when you leave he will be forced by law to pay maintenance for his child. You have nothing to lose really.

I agree he will never change, so you have 2 choices, put up with it or leave him.

It's clear financial abuse.

Not sure how you could have a future with this strange, selfish man.

Where's the love and care?

Is the tenancy in his name OP?.Are you able to leave or kick him out? Posters are right, this is going to get so much worse.

Leave for sure. Or bill him for childcare

Wow what a prick. You need to put all your expenses on a spreadsheet and ask Mr Smart arse to work out how your low income can cover everything. Also remind him of the vows he took on your wedding day - for richer or poorer.

I was in a relationship like this once. Well, for a long time actually, much to my shame. I couldn't get him to listen either. He required that we both paid exactly the same into our joint account for mortgage etc, despite that being my whole wages ,so I had to put petrol in my car etc using my credit card. He just didn't understand how unfair and ridiculous that was.
One day, a lightbulb came on and I left. Fortunately not married and no children involved.
I'm the higher earner in my current relationship (wonderful! Married, expecting our first baby) and we each put a proportion of our wages into the joint account as I love my DH and wouldn't ever see him struggle.
Get out whilst you can - some great advice on this thread.

So from now on TV subscription is cancelled and the TV sold (keep TV licence and watch iPlayer on a password protected laptop.

Showers are timed with the water turned off after 90 seconds.

Food is very basic, value products. No treats.

Cut back on internet - giffgaff do a cheap data package.

Make him feel the consequences

Or just leave him. He sounds awful.

my other half earns ten times what i earn no children together, and i pay for the food we eat and he pays for every other bill in the house, we dont pool money but what i pay out of my wages leaves me more than enough spending money for myself, and him plenty of spending money for himself, if we do a joint venture like a motorbike rally or a gig we go halves on cost, holidays i pay half towards the holiday and he provides all the spending money and food and drink money on the holiday, and never once has he thrown it back in my face that he is the big earner and im not

He knows that what he's doing is unfair, he just doesn't care.

Time to leave him.