DD broken relationship with her dad

[BackToBasics1808]

Hi all, need your advice
DD sees her dad every other weekend. Last summer he met someone else - she has kids originally they all got on fine but since September last year their relationship is breaking down - his new gf calls her names, calls me names, he puts her kids in front of his own DD, says he cant favour her, she has told him she feels left out and pushed away. I've told him how she feels also and all I get is that he has to move on with his life
DD has decided that she doesn't want to see his gf (after a recent argument where she grabbed her and told her she ruins everything) she still wants to see her dad but not around her. he's basically said that he is now living with her and she needs to be her friend
DD doesn't want this to the point where she says she doesn't want to go now as she 'doesn't want to spoil his new family'
Our break up was very hard and luckily I have moved on with a lovely guy so in no way do I want him to be alone but cant get over the fact he is putting this new gf above his daughter and its breaking my heart to see her so upset.
Do I get involved or do I let her choose her own path with him - she's 12 so able to make her own choice
Either way they will blame me for it but I want to shake him to see what he's doing to her or what he's at risk of losing but appears this new gf is calling the shots
Any advice for my DD or me to help get through this??

Oh OP, it sounds awful. Your poor DD. You're definitely doing the right thing to support her choices. But I would say that if your DD is ok with the idea, counselling is a good thing. My dad and I are no longer on speaking terms for various reasons and counselling is proving very helpful to find a way for me to be ok with his behaviour. I'm finding it really hard in my 40s, it must be horrible as a teenager

chloesmumtoo she gets on great with my dp, they are very close and he thinks of her as his own. They got on fantastic from the 1st time they met - he is one stepdad that has certainly stepped up.
In a way I think exH is jealous of this as he has tried to destroy their relationship as he has claimed he's hit her and DD was afraid of him (this was a long time ago well before this new gf came on the scene) I think he hoped DD would have the same relationship with her which unfortunately isn't the case - it was forced early on and think thats part of the reason it is so bad now
I am speaking to her about counselling as even if she goes once or twice it might help her understand her feelings and help her deal with them

BackToBasics1808 thats great, glad she has your dp and that they get on well, that will be a good stability and roll model for her. My dp has been great for my ds too and is his dad even if not biologically.
I don't know much about the counciling side but worth a shot, can't do any harm if she is happy about going.