Is there something wrong with me

[Pollyanna9]

Went on a date Sat night.

Prior to this we’d been messaging and getting on REALLY well – kinda spookily well iykwim. Coming across as genuine, thoughtful, all good things really as well as a good sense of humour.

Come the night – all good, got on absolutely fine, had lots of fun.

He wants to see me again and I’m kinda up for it but we both were rat arsed on the night, me way so more than him, and we had quite a barmy evening however he still wants to keep on seeing me.

So this is my dilemma if you like.

I do like him – but then I like lots of people, I can get on with anyone, I can chat to anyone, dance with anyone – and then if I never saw them again it wouldn’t bother me one iota. It’s the level of ‘attachment’ at this stage from him which I guess I can’t fathom. Yes, we’d been getting on very well prior to date night, yes we largely had a very good night out on the weekend – but the level of angst when I’m expressing to him that I don’t know if we’ll see each other again seems disproportionate to how long we’ve known each other – we’ve only been texting for about a week/10 days and been out for one date. Neither of us can know if it has legs for the future anyway even if we’d had the best date ever, but it’s almost as though we’ve been together for six months and I’m now breaking it off.

And then that worries me because what if in six months, I DO want to break it off?! I’m almost worried that I’d feel trapped and unable to end it! What kind of reaction would we have then if he’s having such a strong reaction now?

Am I just not giving it a chance? Am I not giving it a chance because it was a good night out and a decent person and all that but I didn’t feel a massive spark? Have I just become frozen to the potential? Am I afraid of letting it develop? I honestly don’t know.

On the one hand I want a great big spark but at the same time am also terrified of it as I had this with my last partner and it was a terrible, terrible relationship. So I want it but I don’t want it if that makes any sense!

As I say, I got on with him great and on paper it could work well (eg in terms of distance, situation, he’s a good person etc) but I’m 90% walk away and I guess what bothers me is I feel so ambivalent.

Has anyone else experienced this?

dont analyse or second guess, why not have another date if you are not sure you want to stop contact and then decide. It could be your 6th sense telling you he going to be too pushy and leave well alone or it could be you being nervous and not wanting to get too excited about where it could all go.only you know the answer, however I don't know anyone who knew their life partner was going to be that on the first date. Good luck

So in simple terms - you can take him or leave him, he took a good night out to mean a definite second date. Not really a big dilemma. Nothing inherently wrong. You seem to be overthinking. Lots.

Do you know about his dating experience. I have a male friend who settled down very young with his first girlfriend . 15 years later he was single again and told me how he had never done dating before and when he had a date he genuinely liked the woman and couldn't do the 'pretend I'm not that bothered thing' people do. Just a thought.

Did he say "hope youve had as great a time as me, let's do this again! Where shall we go?"

Or

"Will your people be buried with my people?"

It might work, it might not. You don't owe him anything.
I am intrigued by what you began with:
we’d been messaging and getting on REALLY well – kinda spookily well iykwim
Did you feel unnerved by how much you clicked together, and apprehensive when you actually met, as if it couldn't possibly last?
If you felt this was too easy and want to back off just tell him.

I wouldn't say someone who enjoyed your company and shows keenness to see you again is weird or needy. If you feel things are moving too fast, put the brakes on or just call it a day.

Lol Twinkle!!

No Donkeys I didn't feel particularly spooked - it was really nice messaging back and forth. I almost think that maybe that part of it was better than the actual meeting in person (if that makes sense)?

If as a friend, your date came to me & asked honestly, what I thought. I'd say run a mile.

This is way too complicated

I think I've only just about got my head round this....

No. Actually when I think about it it's too complicated

quote OP I can't quite get why I'm the one over analysing!

followed by 5 paragraphs of

that's your answer OP

So, you went out, enjoyed yourselves, you told him you didn't want to see him again and he seems surprised and is pushing it? Is that what happened? I think the confusion came from your OP sounding like you'd not told him whether you wanted to see him again or not, but telling him you might not want to, which would be confusing and unfair on him, but now I think this is not the case?

Maybe he was just over the moon to find someone like you and expressed it in such a way that you felt scared it is developing too fast. No to offend, but you sound like the person that would break a hole through the door when told of a relationship potential with someone new and I think he did just that. I do believe that he is maybe a bit needy too, because there is a way to communicate things. I mean I get that he had fun on the date and all, but according to you he was convinced that things would develop and that you two had a future together. What person would be so sure of this on the first date ??

Why don't you just get to know him a bit more and then decide for yourself? Obviously, this overthinking at the moment is not going to solve anything. I say if you really care about him as a person, from what you have gathered so far, invest in a little more time with him. If you already feel weird about his needy act and you cannot get yourself to invest in this person any longer, then by all means cut the effort. Just stop overthinking it :)

I think you are put off by his keenness. I'm the same, if someone starts with all the 'it's like we've know each other for ages' bs after one date, or if they are just way too OTT at the beginning, it puts me off, I think 'what's wrong with you? Why are you so eager to force a relationship and intimacy so early?'

You sound like you built him up in your head as being one thing and then when you met him, you felt a bit meh, fairly despondent and now you're confused about your feelings.

Sack this one off, you'll end up hurting him as your heart just isn't in it. Don't force it.