friendships

[bigblobby]

Hi everyone, a very long story of past horrific childhood abuse, then 2 abusive marriages - dont really want to go into too much detail here. But because of this I fail at every relationship - with men and with friends.

Suddenly had a light bulb moment on here a little while ago whilst reading someone elses thread about toxic relationships.

I find it very hard to make friends and seem to go through life picking up people, then dropping them when they dont live up to my expectations or after knowing them for a few months, realise that I dont like them.

This is a never ending cycle which at my time of life is going to be very hard to break. But I want to do something about it.

Ive recently met what I thought was a nice lady on a Walking Group. We clicked instantly, had so much in common. Few weeks into this relationship I realised that she wasnt so nice after all and was talking nastily about several friends of hers that shes known for over 25 years.

She has used me numerous times for lifts out and free meals (Im a mystery shopper so that wasnt at my expense) and when I asked for a lift somewhere recently, I got a very caustic reply and was told no because it was out of her way.

I tend to mother people, because Im a very caring person, and I like to do things for people, but enough is enough. Im sick of doing all the giving and caring and always getting nothing in return.

How do I break this cycle?

I want to break it off with her and I want to tell her why so she doesnt contact me again. I dont want to make the friendship work with her, because shes a toxic person. Ive given all I can to it and have now seen her true colours.

Dont get me wrong, Im not perfect by any means, but Im too soft, attract people that use me and then I get annoyed and want to get rid of them.

Is is better to be alone with my own company than with people who are like this?

I belong to a walking group, not one person in that, ever asks how I am or anything about whats going on in my life. Even though I do to them.

Its all very wearying.

Why are people so rude, thoughtless, have no basic social skills or manners?

Help someone please and point me in the right direction to change this.

look for the quiet people, the observers, as they are often the shy people who are actually more interesting ad better people once you get to know them.
I am quiet and shy, it takes me a while to come out of my shell, so to speak. a lot of people I meet find this a bit odd or are the complete opposite and are overly loud and in your face, which I personally don't like as it can sometimes feel a bit intimidating and overbearing, I find it hard to meet new people, I don't really go to any groups or anything and my job is just me doing it so don't meet through work either.