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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

35 weeks and partner bringing friends round to drink.

40 replies

user1484383294 · 14/01/2017 09:00

Hi,

So I literally only just joined mumsnet to rant about this because I don't want to tell my family because they'll hold it against my partner.
Basically it was my partner's birthday yesterday and he went out drinking at 5.30pm and to see a local band with friends. I'm 35 weeks pregnant and struggling but I made an effort and met him in the town at 8pm. It was already obvious that he was drinking a lot more and a lot faster than all of his friends. I left at 10 and he said 'I presume you don't want anybody coming back to ours?' and I said obviously not.
He'd already invited one of his friends to stay the night at ours which I wasn't happy about but seeing as it was his birthday, I didn't want to be the pregnant hormonal bitch.
I got home and made sure everywhere was tidy and did the washing up and then got into bed at 12. At 1 I got woken up by the door going and people coming in. My partner came in and said that 2 of the guys he was out with have struggled to get a taxi so he said they could come back here whilst they tried to get hold of one.
I managed to get back to sleep but can't have been asleep for more than 20 minutes when he came back in and asked if they could stay the night. He ended up coming back in to ask more things at least another 2 times before I told him that if he opened the door again I was going to cry.
I couldn't get back to sleep after this as they was playing music and I had heartburn that was radiating through me so I got up and went to sit in the living room with them. It was 2am at this point.
I have no problem with his friends but my partner was so drunk that he was struggling to keep his eyes open and his friends said to me 'Thanks for letting us come back, we're going to call a cab soon' so they hadn't even tried to call a cab and that was just bullshit. Already so angry but not saying anything infront of his friends. The two that came back left around 3.30am and then I stayed up until around 4.
I've just been woken up again at 8.30 and my partner is still drinking, still not in bed, still playing music. Today he's taking my uncle out to the football and he's meant to be meeting him at 12 and he's a complete wreck. I had to have an argument with him to get him to get into bed whilst his other friend just laughed.
I don't know if I'm over reacting but being this far gone and having him act like a child has pissed me off. I don't know if I'm expecting too much but I really tried to keep my cool throughout the whole of last night and now I'm exhausted. What would you guys do? Do I have the right to be angry?

OP posts:

RubyGoat · 14/01/2017 12:31

My dad was (and still is, TBH) a functioning alcoholic. I never saw him rolling drunk but TBH I probably rarely saw him sober either, not since I was quite a young child. His first instinct on waking was to get a coffee, usually with a drop of something in it, & he'd always go straight for the alcohol as soon as he got home. We never had any money, secondhand clothes only, school trips only if school would pay, no birthday parties, mum was always sad, the house was always cold, etc etc. We nearly lost the house. I have ongoing MH issues, which I believe are at least partly as a result of this, both directly & indirectly. I wish my mum had left him. He hit me occasionally if I got in his way. He was constantly grumpy. He had a major brain haemorrhage a few years ago, which we all thought was yet another alcohol induced migraine, nearly didn't survive. He's got brain damage now & is disabled permanently. He still drinks. She finally left him. If she'd done it sooner, sure he might have carried on drinking but it might have shocked him into quitting. He used to be a good dad, from the little I remember when I was very young. He still has crippling debts, I could easily buy a house on what he owes.

Don't make your kids grow up around an alcoholic. Please.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 14/01/2017 12:40

Cut your losses now. He will be a big let down for his child.

cherrytime · 14/01/2017 12:50

He sounds really really selfish and awful.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/01/2017 13:17

Do not make either your son or your as yet unborn child grow up with an alcoholic parent.

You need to walk away from him now, cut your losses and get this individual out of your lives asap. He has not been a father figure to his son nor a decent partner to you. You would be all better off apart from this drunkard.

normastits5 · 14/01/2017 14:23

You poor thing I feel for you & your kids as it sounds to me that he's an alcoholic. I grew up in an alcoholic household and wouldn't wish it on anyone least of all my DC. You need to have a serious talk with him about how you feel and decide what you are prepared to put up with. Take it one step at a time and stay calm as much as possible. Good luck op

ohfourfoxache · 14/01/2017 14:39

It would have been bad enough if he'd done this and apologised, but to try to turn this around on you is fucking ridiculous.

He isn't going to get better

Original poster

user1484383294 · 14/01/2017 15:41

Thanks everyone. I've had a long bath with a face mask and painted my nails to make myself feel a bit more human and I'm going to talk to him when he's home. This can't carry on.
Little one wasn't here last night, was having a sleepover at Nanny's, otherwise I would have gone full psycho on him. Still doesn't excuse his actions though.

OP posts:

glassspider · 14/01/2017 16:07

I completely agree with Attilathemeerkat. He's abusive as well as selfish, irresponsible and childish. I would get rid. Xxx

cheesydoesit · 14/01/2017 16:21

Glad you are feeling a bit better in yourself. I noticed in your OP you wanted to rant on here rather than let your family know and I understand why but I think you should talk to them and unload if you can. You might need their support down the line and he doesn't deserve his reputation protecting when he is behaving so selfishly. Good luck

Violetcharlotte · 14/01/2017 16:33

I wouldn't be happy either and I really do sympathise... but... it was his birthday. If this was a one off them I'd cut him some slack. If it's typical of him to be this inconsiderate then that's different.

JigglyTuff · 14/01/2017 16:36

Violet do RTFT. You look like a tear otherwise.

OP - he won't change. I can guarantee that the stress of a newborn will see him off on binges for days on end. Kick him out.

JigglyTuff · 14/01/2017 16:36

Twat, not tear

Violetcharlotte · 14/01/2017 16:46

Really Jiggly no need to be so rude, sounds like you're having a bad day!

Sorry OP, I hadn't read the whole thread when I posted ( not a twat, just busy!) Doesn't sound like a great situation at all, take care of yourself x

JigglyTuff · 14/01/2017 16:57

I'm not having a bad day. I just think it's unspeakably rude not to bother even reading the OP's posts before giving the benefit of your advice. And a total waste of your time. So I'm thinking of you really

Violetcharlotte · 14/01/2017 17:09

Well aren't we all lucky we've got you as thread monitor?

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