Valentines approaching

[Porffor]

My birthday is in just under 3 weeks, and valentines approaching.

it's bringing forth the issues we spoke about before xmas and DH's comments that my xmas card 'cut him like a knife' as I couldn't say the things I normally say.

I've got a real sense of foreboding that valentines is approaching. We don't touch, kiss, or anything and had a painful talk before xmas that we needed to 'get through xmas' for the sake of our DD's.

I'm on the verge of telling him I spoke to someone about a house today that is being re-decorated then a possible new home for me and for shared custody of our 3 DD's. I need to find the courage. I bought myself 2 tops and told him they're coming through the post from the girls to me for my birthday, I'm hoping he doesn't buy me anything before we talk. It's impossible to get time alone. or the courage..

Wish I could switch off holidays and special events at the moment.

I guess you just need to bite the bullet and tell him. Just do it. Don't wait for the right time as there won't be one.

Yup, think you're right. After 19 years it's mighty hard though.

I saw friends of mine go through the same thing. Life for both was so much better once it was done. It took her 18 months for her to tell him it needed to end. It was so awful to see the relationship sat stagnant in a loveless limbo. Initially once it was said it was painful but then over the following 6 months it changed and they became much happier and fulfilled people. Their kids are happier too as they could see it wasn't working.

We've been trying without vocalising it for years now. It was really hard talking before xmas but he must know that things have not changed and we've said those words 'if the worst happens' in terms of my preparing my finances etc for separation.

I might try and have a chat with him while we're on a walk tomorrow with the dog. Distraction while we're talking might help as we sat side by side to talk before xmas (in the car of all places - sat in a car park). it helped not seeing the hurt eyes etc I think.

Well I did it.. we had a talk last night and he's left a load of vital paperwork and pictures for me on our bed this morning.
We're talking but only just.

His reaction was to say 'the balls in your court' last night and inform me i won't cope on my own. Well we'll see - it won't be easy but coping and seeing my girls are my focus for now.