Christmas was crap...

[user1471548678]

My Christmas didn't go well. In brief I'm divorced and have been having my ex for Christmas Day since we separated 3 years ago. We have 3 kids and he lives close by. I do everything for Xmas and cook, prepare, wrap, organise, etc etc as most women do (I know some men do too, but I'm generalising)
This year I was exhausted before Christmas due to my own health issues, my youngest (3) being ill for 10 days and sleeping badly and the usual rushing around organising angel costumes, teachers gifts, presents etc. One of my kids has special needs (ASD and ADHD) and really struggles with the disruption of Xmas so he was extra difficult too.
My issue is what shall I do next year?
I've tried to discuss my feelings with my ex about how I do everything on the day and he walked off and then ignored my carefully worded calm email a few days later. Also, he won't make any financial contribution to Xmas. He did buy one present though.

Interesting to hear how others manage and the challenges we separated parents have to deal with. I'm obviously not alone on this!

And following on from what Rainbow Queen said I often feel really guilty that the kids have a rubbish Dad as when they are with him I can't be there to fill in the gaps and compensate for his crapness. He spends 90% of his time on his phone. People have said that when they are older they will make their own decisions and probably not want to spend much time with him as he doesn't make much effort with them and is very lazy.

He's also very dismissive of anything he doesn't like / care about. 'I've hurt my finger' or ' my socks are wet' in my 3 year old is ignored or she's told 'it's fine'. So by the time she comes home to me she's often very unsettled and tearful. As is my other daughter. Neither of them want to go to his house.

I guess his failure to engage with them is the underlying reason why I've accommodated him at Christmas so they don't suffer his crap parenting.

I'd stop all that OP, you are just aiding his shitness, they need to see what he is like and will soon cotton on how crap he is.

How anyone can turn up to someone's house for Xmas where his children live and not contribute is the lowest of the low, never mind all his other negative characteristics, just don't do it anymore; let him come see them but I'd not be feeding him and making his day pleasant, what a loser of a man.

I have met someone else but my ex won't have any contact with him at all or allow him to be around at Xmas if he's there too. My ex is a bit hopeless and quite selfish.

I don't understand - why does your ex have to have contact with your new partner? Just have new partner for Christmas and tell XH to fuck off.

Establish a contact arrangement which involves contact only outside your home. If he doesn't stick to it there is nothing you can do, but I wouldn't carry on as you are.