Are all military, ex military men completely nuts

[Blueglass]

My DH is ex mil and everybody i talk to who has had a h or p in the mil has had some sort of problems.

Mine is not all there either and we are having problems now.

Just not sure how to get around this

i think it depends on the man some view the millitary as their life and their family come second and others view the millitary as just a job and their family come first.

Sadly many ex-servicemen do end up with mental health problems, or in prison. Although of course far more are absolutely fine. But some people have great difficulty adjusting to life outside the forces.

My BIL, on the other hand, is ex-army and very sorted. FWIW.

The men I know in the forces are all very out spoken and don't acre who they offend.

Fits my BIL Northerner, when he does talk. But he tends not to!

Yes, I agree with that mum2sam. The people that I mentioned see the army as their life, and their families always came second. Maybe the set up of the army makes it difficult for the men to get life into perspective, and about what is important in life. The men who manage this, and see it as "just a job" are the ones who are sane.
I really believe some of them let it go to their head. I don`T know what they are told in the army, but I know that the people I know believe that they are more important than mere civillians (quite forgetting who is paying their wages through taxes, and who they are actually there for ). They expect to be treated as "special" because of their rank or whatever, but people out on the street (including family) just see them as they are (a bit arrogant and loud) and treat them accordingly.

Not quite vnmum but her husband instead, will people please, please stop saying civvies pay our wages through taxes not having a go directley at anyone but if you want to rub up a service man/woman that is one way of going about it, and yes the job does effect those who do it, it is far from being a walk in the park, ive been down the depression road and recovered a better person for it. the main thing is that alot of folk dont understand service life, take the time to listen and let it sink in before you pass judgement, i'll agree not all of us are perfect it's a minority that upset it for the rest of us

vnmum dh...surely men/woman in armed services are trained to obey orders and will also see, experience war zone, human tragedy, blood bones mayhem..way beyond the everyday experience of their families and civilians in general...

its no surprise to me fighting killing witness of etc makes people go a bit nuts..then gases, modern weaponry and warfare etc ...

i wonder how many of them really consider 'the life' before they take teh queen's shilling...

A mate of mine reckons that there is a higher than average incidence of undiagnosed ASD amongst mil men since one of the attractions to the lifestyle is the requirement for conformity. From personal experience, I am inclined to agree [runs for cover....]

Why on earth would it upset someone that their wages are paid through taxing of the population? Does it upset teachers and doctors as much? Why don`t military men want to be reminded of this fact? I had no idea that some people felt like that.
I just said that the people I know would be better to be reminded of that fact when they appear to act all self-important towards people on civvie street. Its one thing to act your rank in the army, where its appropriate, and quite another to demand that people respect you based on your rank, while at the same time showing a lack of respect towards others.

this is actually vnmum,

there are some loud and aggressive types, and beleive me they annoy you when you can hear them shouting all the time at their kids etc as my neighbours do but there are also the one like my DH who cant stand this type of behaviour. he calls it small man syndrome, where they have to still feel in charge in their own home.

there are husbands and wives who cheat, i hear the stories off DH and see the wives at it in local nightspots when the lads are on tour. again not every marriage is like that.

sometimes i do think we are in the minority in how we deal with our relationship and children as most of the other families around us are abit chavvy but thats probably our regiment. having said that we choose not to socialise with them and avoid any organised functions etc like the plague for this reason.

i think i am lucky that my DH has a good work balance, yes he likes his job and wants to do well and get promoted, but if it were to start to affect me or DS detrimentaly then he would look to come out. i ma also lucky that we have survived the last year when DH was depressed and have got a better relationship for it, although at times i did want to walk due to lack of support from the army environment.

there are advantages to the army lifestyle too, like travelling, a fairly decent wage compared to qualifications achieved and if your lucky to have a permanent posting then it can offer stability.

i do wonder if some of the problems with marriages when the person is out of the army is to do with the fact that you are not used to being around each other all the time, you are used to them being away periodically which can refresh your relationship

I am a civilian working at an Army trainig establishment. The men (and a very few women)who come on our course are Late Entry officers in their late 30's, early 40's who have done their 22 years and have usually been Regimental Sergeant Major and similar before commissioning.

Reading through their pen pictures, a huge majority have been happily married for years on end and seem to be really happy family-orientated men. There are the odd few who are real arses and have a real "don't you know who I am" attitude but I can honestly say that the majority of the guys I meet are real gentlemen who seem very sane and very committed to their families.

There will always be "completely nuts" people in any given large group of people.

My husband was in the army for 6 years. All I see are benefits. He irons his clothes and makes his bed. He doesn't have any mental problems.

sakura, i think my DH was upset about the wording in your post as it implied that only civvies taxes paid their wages and they are only there for civvies when in fact soldiers etc all pay taxes too and they do their job for the country and the people who live in it.

My DH is very proud of his job and does get bothered by the criticism and lack of respect they sometimes get from the media and the general public and it just puts him on the defensive.

i do beleive that all members of the forces deserve respect for the job they do, the lives they risk in doing it, regardless of wether people agree with what they are doing eg Iraq, after all they do not get a choice, they get told they are going and if they refuse they are classed as deserters. i do think you are right about the rank thing though, rank has no bearing on civvie street and some people find that hard to deal with

Dh is in the RAF and is totaly sane and rational. Very kind , loving and gentle, and exceptionally clever. We have an exceptionally good marriage, as do many of our mates who are in the milatary. We have been very happliy married for 20 years.

You get good and bad in all jobs. Wrong to make generalisations I think

Yep mines ex mil and can definately say he is nuts and his social interactive skills are shocking

Neanderthal comes to mind with the teenage grunts for communication in fact a teenager is exactly what he is(he's in the dog house at mo)

I work for local govt as well as dh being in raf, and I HATE it when people say 'my taxes pay your wages' as it implies that they feel they own you. I always say back 'well I pay my taxes too, for it to be turned into my wages, for it to be taken as tax, so I'm kinda here for nothing' that usually shuts them up (or at least makes them think.) Sorry for the soapbox moment, that's one of my pet hates!

On another point - we must remember that these guys are trained to kill so it's easy to understand why when they leave the military (often with no support) they find it hard to adjust and end up in crime/prison or mentally ill. I think we (as a society) really need to understand this and support such people accordingly. I also think mental illness affects so many (is it one in three?), but the military mindset does not acknowledge this and it's often seen as a weakness rather than an illness.

I love a bit of sweeping generalisation.....

All mums are sick-stained nagging harridans who etc etc etc

'there will always be nuts in large groups''

mis quote i know.,
.but surely ARMED SERVICES gives you a clue that its no 9 to 5;
shut up dont think obey shoot & kill....

Sorry, my last post sounded harsh. I have nothing against men in the military, and I know that it is a difficult job and the men probably arenT given the emotional support they need. One of my uncles was flown from Iraq to his dads funeral, then 2 days later flown back to Iraq again. I dont know what that does to a person. Also,Im against the war in Iraq, but I have always separated my political views from the way I view soldiers who are doing their job.
But, its just unfortunate that I have come across this "small man syndrome" that vnmum is talking about. And of course I know not all men in the army are like that, but because this thread is about mental health and men in the army, I thought that what I`d seen was relevant. I do still wonder whether it was the army that made them like they are or whether their disposition was like that beforehand. Probably the latter, because otherwise there would be more men like that if the army actually "changed" your personality.

Look, the title of this thread is about military men, not people, and the majority of people in the army are men. Nobody is making generalisations that "men in the military all have mental health problems". No, but it stands to reason that there are occupational hazzards specific to this job, that you dont find in other jobs. The lifestyle is <span class="italic">very</span> unique, and for whatever reason, the people I know who are in the military, <span class="italic">do</span> seem to have mental health problems. There are people on this thread who work in the field of mental health and they say that many of their patients are ex-servicemen. Instead of pretending this isnt a problem, if I was in the army or an army-wife, I would be addressing it, and making sure that help was getting to the people who need it, even long after they`ve left the army.

my bf is in the army and he is lovely

totally unaggressive, v laid back

he has done his tours in iraq and sierra leone, among others , so obviously seen some bad things, but it hasnt adversely affected him.