So confused

[Roundincirclesagainandagain]

So basically I'm in the most confusing 'relationship' ever. I really don't know where to start but I'll try........
Known the guy for a lot of years.
He was with someone as was I so nothing happened.
Always had a spark.
He split up with ex, so did I.
My split was complete, apart from DS I had no contact with ex.
He still lived across the road, stayed at what was still his house at the time, to look after his DS, stayed with his folks otherwise.
Had the odd liaison with each other.
Nothing ever came of it? Not really sure why? He would go quiet.
Him and ex still very much in contact, even going on holiday together, albeit in a large group but I find it strange?
Saw them out shopping lots in the supermarket.
So late last year he buys a house of his own.
I tell him when he sorts his head out maybe look me up?
He contacted me late last year to say he's ready to commit and 'give things a go'?
Agree to see more of each other which we do kind of?
I just feel I'm still not part of his life? I've not been invited to meet his son or his folks, who he is close to.
I know he's not with ex (I know her) but I still feel really uncomfortable with their relationship albeit they aren't even on speaking terms right now.
I saw him at the weekend it was lovely, he cooked for me, we went out publicly hand in hand and spent the night together.
But then no mention of when we are seeing each other again.
I've asked him what he wants he says he wants to 'see how things go'???
What does that mean??
Every time I see him I want him more, I want to tell people we are together! Is that weird? I don't think it is?!
We are both in our 40s it's not like we are young and clueless. He had only had his ex (and a few silly flings) since he was 17, I've had s few more relationships.
I just want to know where to go next I feel it's consuming me?

This is why it's best to date further a field.

It's actually quite tortuous to read your posts - I can't imagine how much torture it is for you going through it

You want someone who loves being with you and wants YOU. He's not it.
You want someone who only has eyes for you and is keen. He's not it.
You want someone who respects you and wants to show you off. He's not it.

You want someone who is completely free to engage with you exclusively. He's not it.
YOu want someone who takes you seriously and wouldn't want to hurt you. He's not it.

You want someone who puts you first, not as a kind of option. He's not it.
You want someone who stays hot. He's not it.

imo he never will be. He's just not that interested, not when it comes down to it. You're a nice little pastime. But he absolutely isn't interested in anything else. And is quite happy to string you along, knowing this isn't what you want and makes you unhappy.

So, come on, take control of your life and your happiness. He - this 'relationship' (if you can call it that) - is making you thoroughly miserable, confused and desperate.

Springydaffs thank you. Everything you said is true. It's so hard tho as I want it to work but the phrase 'flogging a dead horse' often springs to mind........

YES!

come on girl, you can do it. Be brave. Cut this off and go find yourself some happiness and fresh air

When I say/ feel I want to see how things go I mean exactly that - take things slowly - its not a code.

You seem far too invested too soon & that's not good for you. Also too jealous of his ex. Are you ready for a relationship yourself?

I don't even know how to go about it? I sound really pathetic don't I? I don't mean to I'm feeling exhausted with it all? Do I yet again tell him I can't do this on these terms or do I just cut contact?

Cut contact. Block his number. You don't owe him an explanation - he ignores you anyway . Cold turkey will do it.

And get some therapy. There has to be a reason you'd string yourself out for so little (sorry that's tough )

Ocelot I'm jealous of the ex I just really don't understand the relationship they have? As recent as last summer he took his DS on holiday with his parents....... and she rocked up for a few days. We are talking abroad not Blackpool! They go on holiday every year, as I say always in a big group and he says he goes for his son???? Do I believe it? I want to but.......
I feel he hasn't let go of her? I called time on us about 3 months ago and it was HIM who contacted me to say he was ready to commit but I have real doubts.

Ocelot that's meant to read I'm NOT jealous of the ex!

You are jealous. Freudian slip I think.

Have to agree with Lesis I'm afraid. You wouldn't be unreasonable to be jealous.

ANYWAY. When are you going to do the deed? Dump his sorry arse, that is.

What did you think of the therapy idea? You didn't reply...

I would look into therapy.

I have no idea when or what is gonna happen but I think you've all given me really strong advice. It isn't doing me any good at all despite his protests that he's ready to commit, nothing appears to have changed?

Op it sounds to me like you both want different things.

You're looking for commitment, someone who puts you first, who wants you as much as you want him, more time together, exclusivity...etc

It sounds like he's looking to keep his options open, no commitment, dates far and few between so that he can get on with other things which he views as more important than your relationship. 'Lets just see how things go' sounds like an easy get out clause should he decide he's had enough.

It doesn't sound like a match made in heaven does it? I think you probably need to knock this one on the head. You have too much expectation from him (understandably I might add) and it's only going to lead to disappointment.

In therapy you'll - gradually - learn to be sure of things. Instead of asking lots of questions and being unsure of your own power to change things xx