Using depression to cover up narcissistic behaviour

[Jellymuffin]

I posted this on another thread but felt like I was hijacking. Here goes!
Just out of interest, does anyone else's mum use depression as a smokescreen for their narcissistic behaviours? My mum seems to use it as a 'get out of jail free' card to ensure no one questions or criticises her behaviour while having no empathy for others (I had shocking PND and when I tried to open up to her about it she tried to trump it by blaming a previously unmentioned suicide attempt on myself and my husband). She takes no responsibility for any of her life choices and is unhappy. I feel like it is my job to make her happy but now I have a 3.5 year old and work full time, I just don't have the energy for it. She is also now a horrendous reverse snob (despite being a real hyacinth bucket when I was growing up) and sneers at the 'middle classes' and tries to belittle all my choices and friendships based on this. It's exhausting.

Yes! Mine does this too .., that thread has been an eye opener for me... I thought I had realised my mum's narcissistic tactics but spending the weekend under her roof was like playing 'narc action bingo' ... she provoked a fight then had a big sob about how everything I ever got in life was 'due to her sacrifices '...

But I digress : yes, depression, sobbing on Xmas day that her adult child (me) is not with her every weekend like my siblings...

Lots of illnesses/depression/anxiety... I could go on for days

This link from the other thread was amazing:
parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html

I think they also flare up when you stop low-towing to them ... worth having a google of narc grandmothers to know how to protect your child from getting dragged in ...

Depression can make people present as very self-centred and self-absorbed, so I think you need to think quite carefully before deciding how to respond.

Many narcissists genuinely suffer from depression. Life as a narcissist is actually quite shit, I imagine.

My litmus test is that narcissistic people generally won't seek or accept 'help' because its not them.

I had an ex-boyfriend who I suspect had some narc tendencies covered up under 'depression'. I kick myself about not dumping him sooner.

Thing is there are so many people out there who use the depression card as 'I'm depressed therefore it is a free hand to be a complete douche.'
There was also a former acquaintance who did similar too - however although he had the energy to spend other people's money and hang around in bars it didn't extend to personal hygiene.

Imbroglio - I think you are spot on about narcissistics not wanting help: it's because they don't want to change

That has been v characteristic of the narcs I have known (my mum, an ex) who even when in a crisis didn't want counselling/therapy: they want the outside world (and especially the people in it) to conform to the way they want it, not to change themselves to live better in a world where other people are free to do their own thing

The gift thing was a revelation too!