To not get why people cheat

[wonderingsoul]

I just dont get it.

I know things are not black and white and can actually understand some reasons for wanting to.
That there are fuck up and making mistakes once in your life but to contine and not to learn from it

Why would you want to hurt some one.. even if you dont love them no more.. why disrespect some one who you like at least a little bit.

Its not the sex that troubles me.. i get why people would want to wnjoy that with more then one person.. its the lies and distespect ... i just dont get it all. It really bothers me.
Theres a few situatutions in real life happening around me at the moment. Wirst being a friends best friend has been sleeping with her husband for the past 11 months... its common knowlage we have tried to tell said friend but she doesnt belive it . To the point where the friends husband has kicked her out and she is now living with friend and her husband

Its horrendouse to watch and my heart breaks for he.

I didn't go looking for the man I am currently seeing. We met and thr attraction (mental rather than physical) was overwhelming. Ex then assaulted me and was arrested the following week - coincidental as I hadnt slept with DP at that time.

Years of abuse has taken its toll on me and my views of relationships and DP is incredibly patient and understanding.

However he is still technically married and shares a mortgage with his wife.

Judge all you want- i didn't plan my life you be how it is. I didn't intend to love a married man. I didn't intend to be in an abuse relationship for 2 decades

Maybeldo - mine are 4 & nearly 7.
To everyone else bar a few very close friends we have a great relationship. Everyone else thinks I have everything. Disgusted is a word I have used. Even if I explained to people what my life is like they would still be on my Husband's side even without knowing about an affair! All I get is 'he is so good, aren't you lucky'. Yeah, really lucky

Lacking I still feel guilt though and worry about how my marriage might be over if my husband found it but it is not enough to stop. I find it addictive now

May - I'm only on the early days but can imagine the longer it goes on the increase in guilt and chances of getting found out. But also the further into a relationship you are with everything that brings. Can I ask how many years you've been seeing the OM??

The longer it goes on, the more the guilt eats away at you and the more you will hurt when it ends. I speak from experience. I thought I could handle it but when I ended it I almost had a full on breakdown. He on the other hand, just moved on to the next one.

I am on my second man, I saw someone in 2014 for a few months but it didn't last. I was really in love with him. It gave me a taste of wanting more then. I met OM in July last year so about 7 months.

The thing I find hardest is that I get emotionally attached. I fall in love. It gets worse and harder the longer it goes on. It has brought me happiness but distress at the same time. I can't do one night stands though, never been able to. I guess I want a boyfriend who I date and have a physical relationship with. I know it's completely unrealistic.

Just be careful. The feelings start to get quite overwhelming.

That is my fear Sweet

Lacking, it really fucking hurts. I couldn't eat, felt nauseous all the time, constantly on the verge of tears, started smoking again. It really fucked me up.
If you are early days, my advice would be to walk away. If you want someone else, get your shit sorted first.

Maybeldo, I have not been married for nearly as long as you...but what you said completely describes my life. I do feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

When your husband ignores u, belittles u in public to work colleagues. Gives u little or no physical attention.
No one goes out to have an affair , I found someone who thought I was amazing . Everyone needs to be loved and wanted .

Mame the other thing I feel is that a woman's higher sex drive is not taken seriously. My husband says you are not a teenager any more. He does belittle the fact that I want more sex. I went to him first about this issue. I even humiliated myself and cried over it. He says he will make more effort but it is just false promises. He is a brilliant man in many ways, just not sexually any more

In my opinion, A lot of men who are still in the age range where libido would not decrease dramatically and who go off sex, and had a reasonable sex drive previously, could be controlling and using lack of sex as the control mechanism, using porn excessively, suffering from depression and have had their libido suppressed by this or have lost interest in you and don't have the bollocks to do anything about it. Some of them are probably playing away too. It is rare for men to just lose interest unless they had little in the first place.

Mame - it's cosy in between the Rock and the hard place with us all in there isn't it!

Sweet - you talk much sense. I think it would do the same to me. I let my emotions rule me at times. I'm not good at detaching if I have time to dwell. It's bad enough now. I think things might be taken out if my hands as I fear the OM has got cold feet. He knows us as a family and it looks like he may have more morales than me

It could be the best thing Lacking. The complete head fuckery I've experienced over the last month or so, I honestly wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Him getting cold feet should be a wake up call to you both.

We never wanted the other to leave, there were no romantic delusions at all. We both knew we were using each other to fill a gap in each other's relationship. But ultimately, after months of constant messaging, meeting up, the L word creeping in, I got sucked in further than I ever thought I would and he dropped me like a fucking grenade when I freaked out with guilt and ended it. Couldn't get away fast enough, and also couldn't wait to tell me about the girl from work he got off with, a week after I finished it.

Having to take a pregnancy test this morning because I had convinced myself my contraception had failed, not knowing who the father would be and gearing myself to start researching the nearest Marie Stopes clinic was the final piece of misery in my affair. Thank fuck it was negative, and I came on about 3hrs later, but the utter relief was overwhelming.
I came so close to completely destroying my relationship, my child's family unit and my mental health (as I know an abortion would have tipped me over the edge). Whatever little thrills I got from OM was definitely not worth all the heartache.

Sorry for that outpouring, I think I needed to get it all out.

Ah Sweet, I'm so sorry. But please don't apologise for letting go here. I think the worst thing is having to keep it all to yourself without showing how much you hurt. Do any of you RL friends know?
Having to do a pregnancy test is horrendous and I can't imagine how you were feeling. Hugs to you.

You have given me lots to think about. I think what makes me sit up most is how I am with my beautiful children when I am feeling down myself. I'm not the happy mummy they need and that's not fair. It's not their fault.

BUT there is something that has been awakened in me that I didn't even realise was there! I know the sort of man I need in my life and I have time to find him. I don't need to rush.
I watched Eat, Pray, Love last night (probably not my best idea whilst I was feeling low but never mind!). There was a line that went 'Never allow someone to love you less than you love yourself'. Now that's a bit hard for me as I realise that I possibly don't love myself as much as I should, but it's a very true line.

Living in a marriage with no affection or sex for years and being spoken to like shit I ended up meeting someone in the same position and we clicked and started talking. I was stuck in a marriage I saw no way of leaving. I suddenly felt brace enough to. A month later I started a new life with my children and started things slowly with OM.

Ten months on I have no regrets apart from wishing we had met years ago.

I have one friend who knows everything Lacking, and she told me I'd get hurt back in June. I wish I'd bloody listened!

The OM definitely isn't the type of man you need in your life. The grass was NOT greener for me!