What to do when they won't change? (Always drunk)

[Frankelly66]

First off, aside from this issue, I'm very happy with our relationship, we do lots of nice things together, have lots of quality time (no children), financially we both do very well, we have a great life together etc etc however...... his drinking has been an issue from day one (don't judge, when you first meet someone I think you can be blind to certain things / you aren't living with it on a daily basis).

He is 37, I am 29, (not planning on children) he loves to party. He goes out drinking almost every day. Parts of it that I'm okay with: he's home early, I know where he is, who he is with, I'm always invited to join. What I'm not okay with: he's a prick when he's drunk! Even after a few drinks he slurs his words, he's impossible to have a decent conversation with, he's unreasonable, in a nutshell he repulses me at night! He's a different person. It is to the point that I am so relieved when he passes out because I don't have to put up with him until the morning when he's sober and amazing again.

The fact of the matter is, it's an issue that has been discussed over and over, he isn't ever going to change is he? What now? If other parts of our relationship were bad then I know id leave, but it's literally just this. Is it 'normal' to have one thing that drives you nuts about your other half? Do you tolerate it because the rest is so good?

If you are unhappy about this now, imagine 5-10 years down the line. Even if you're not planning kids, pregnancies happen and termination is not for everyone. Drunks make absolutely shit parents

I would leave. The good times will lessen but the drinking won't. If he says he'll get help, still leave. Then get in touch after a year to see how he's doing.

If you want to be helpful suggest he does dry January, if he looks horrified at the thought you have your answer that he is dependent on alcohol.

And yes, my OH annoys me with his sneezing too loud and passing wind in the house but he is strictly TT and a very caring partner and father so I put up with the above because the rest is so good.

Suggest to him a time by which you want to see him on the wagon. Explain why.

If it doesn't happen, leave.

And this is almost everyday? Do you really want to spend your life with a man who repulsed you almost every night?

Leave him. Honestly. You deserve better.

I didn't see it. For many years.
Everyone's right, it gets worse. The drinking, the dependence, the nadtiness, you detaching, hating, resenting.
I wish I had seen it this earlier like you did. It would have saved me 10 years of on and off misery.

You cannot imagine how lovely life is without an alcoholic around.

I don't understand how you are having a great life and spending quality time together if he works then goes out partying every night?

Do not put up with this at all. Underneath the veneer of this "amazing" guy is somebody who is nasty and vile when drunk and has deep rooted issues that make him drink (alcohol dependency aside).

You can either waste the best years of your youth on this man who cares little for your feelings about this issue / and cannot stop his drinking OR you go and find yourself someone who will be a responsible and loving partner who cares for you and his own health.

Personal experience of someone who has been married with kids to someone who is charming AF but a nasty drunk who has cheated on me and knocked me around the room a few times and who I will be divorcing. After wasting over ten years of my life. HTH

It's likely you will end up as a pseudo- nurse in 10 years, maybe less.

It may actually shock him into action if you leave and if he changes you can reconsider your position.

My aunt left my alcoholic uncle after more than 20 years. He wasn't violent but a depressive drunk and I can imagine that putting up with that day in day out is really tough. Her children are virtually teetotal now.