When I spoke to my mother last week (I called her, she never calls me), she told me that her cousin Esther had died. She was very, very upset about this. I am 50, I have never, ever met Esther (or her children), despite the fact that she only lived about 20 miles from my mother. She and my mother used to talk on the phone, without fail, every Friday. Yet despite the relatively short distance, they hadn't met up for at least 50 years.
This got me thinking. My mother has two other cousins, Christina, who lives in the next town, whom she also speaks to every week. She last saw Christina when I was 15 (I went with her). She won't go and visit her, although it is just a short train ride. But they speak every week. It would be easier for my Mum to visit Christina than vice versa, because Christina is disabled. I've offered to take my Mum to see her, but she always comes up with some excuse. They used to see a lot of each other when they were younger and Christina's daughter is the same age as me, but I've only met her a couple of times.
She also has a cousin who lives in Switzerland. Same thing. My mother has the means and ability to go and visit, and has never done so (she wouldn't go without my father, he didn't want to go, said she should go on her own). She last saw Joan over 30 years ago - Joan doesn't visit UK any more because her parents and brother are dead and sees no point. Joan still would love my mother to visit her, but she won't, but they still speak on the phone every week.
She has one brother left of her siblings, hasn't seen him for three years, yet he lives about half an hour away on the train. He has a holiday home, and drives virtually past the end of her road to get there. He never calls in. They speak on the phone several times a week, yet seemingly have no urge to see each other.
This is weird, isn't it?