Can anyone tell me about mediation please?

[Bitlessbahhumbug]

Can anyone share their experience of mediation? I'm absolutely dreading it. We don't have a good record of resolving things so I cannot see how this will work - but that must be common to all who are divorcing!

My ex will be reasonable (and charming) and won't try to intimidate me in front of someone else so I do see the benefit of a mediator. Presumably she makes sure everyone gets a chance to talk. Is that pretty much it? how does it start?

Can I meet alone with the mediator first to get a feel for it or does that defeat the purpose - that it should be impartial and collaborative?

Yes you can meet the mediator alone.

You can even do "shuttle" mediation where you and he are in separate rooms and the mediator shuttles, but that's slow and pricey!

Mediators are trained to spot power imbalances and try to neutralise them, but some don't succeed, inevitably.

I enjoyed mediation immensely, I got to shout my head off at the ex, which was most therapeutic as I'd never done it before. We made some progress, which was good too.

Thanks MrsBertBibby

My recollection from encountering mediation in a work capacity 10 yrs or so ago was that it wasn't for everyone, was only successful because the people who tried it were by the nature of that choice able to reach your agreements. I recall that agreements reached in mediation were more likely to "fail" later than those reached in court. Obviously things have moved on a lot but leaves me sceptical.

Pointless thinking, no choice and of course it's best to avoid court. Difficult for good co parenting relationships to come out of that. And our finances really do not justify high cost of legal process.

I still dread it though. Mediator I think we'll use looks good, as much as you can tell anyway. Meeting with her first might shift some fears because starting from a negative position won't help.