Broke up with my husband last month, now having a wobble

[StephenKatz]

Been with DH (or is it exDH??) for many years, since we were very young. I haven't felt that 'spark' for the past two years and have tried to recapture it. But I couldn't do it anymore, and last month we broke up. He was understandably upset but has very much taken it in his stride. I moved out and we're sharing custody of our young children. Things are currently quite amicable.

Last night I just had a massive wobble. I really missed him for the first time. I missed his humour and I missed his thoughtfulness. I feel so low this morning. I daren't say anything to him because it's unfair to mess about with his feelings. I'm blanking out all the things that irritated me and pining for him and my life with the children.

Is this normal? I'm loving living on my own for the most part, I've never done it before. But I just feel so tired and depressed this morning and I just want him to be here. I miss my friend.

If you have been together a long time you will survive some time apart. Something good may come of it especially if you open up some dialogue about your relationship. Even if it is just that you remain dear friends. Don't panic, your feelings are natural but you owe him the respect not to give in to your understandable longings. He sounds like a good one and maybe you could try asking yourself what it is you need to make your own more fulfilling? 'Spark' seems like a shallow commodity in a long term relationship - but hey, obviously I don't know the whole story. Be patient and good luck.

After my break up i felt a lot worse before i came on. Could you have PMT? Sounds like a silly thing but i always started pining a bit then after my period i was fine again and stopped feeling sad/missing him x

Very normal. You have had nearly your whole adult life with this person and were probably good friends, just towards the end without the benefits.Its not enough for a happy marriage but in my case, I missed the friendship and the ease of it (we had the same sense of humour, the shared jokes no one else would get etc), and the adult company.I still do sometimes.But not enough to put up with the things that were wrong.
Additionally there will be a bit of underlying nervousness about life on your own and missing the security that being married can bring.Plus guilt about the kids...
But there is a good reason you broke up. You didn't just do it on a whim.Time will tell you that you have made the right choice and will decrease any feelings of regret-or that has been the case for me anyway. (With additional fuck wittery from ex to help me in that process but that's another story!)

Eek. It could be that you were both so tangled up with having young kids etc that you neglected your relationship and the spark went, which is very common.

How long have you been together and what was it like for the majority? Was it the spark or other things that drove you apart etc? Did you try anything to save your relationship?