Moving, do or don't?

[MrsWobbly]

I've not posted in a very long time.
I've got a lovely DP, and we are planning a wedding. I'm a student midwife and qualify in just under 19 months. We live separately he has his own house around 1/2 away. We split our time between our houses (he owns)
I have DD aged four and was a single parent from birth. Since then I've had two houses both rented. Today I got notice on the one I'm in, lady is selling. I have to be out in April.
My partner would like us to move in with him. I have not much to keep main my area, it would mean in sept DD can go straight to a school in that area without waiting until the following year and changing. It would mean until September , our £900 childcare bill would be slashed as my in laws would help us out. Things would be tight, but I'd try to work more than I do now and we could get by.
This is the thing, it would be a 1h 15m each way to commute for lectures on a good day.

Property where I live now is far and few between and is extortionate, I would struggle for a new deposit and as I get a little help towards it despite working and studying too landlords don't really want me as a tenant despite references.

It all seems positive but I just don't know if the commute is making is a really stupid idea?

Given all the positives, a 1h15 commute isn't much of a negative!

How long have you been together? That's a pretty crucial detail.

Oh gosh no I think it would be wonderful and I love driving (love the time to think and sing!) it's just I don't know anyone else with such a commute that's all so I wasn't sure if it was reasonable to do

OP, BumDNC hasn't said anything out of order, at All

If you have been with your DP a short time it is absolutely fair to say you shouldn't rush into moving in with him, nor into having your "in-laws" (really?!) helping care for your daughter. You are rushing things, and your DD is the one who will suffer if things don't work out down the line.

Official for a year in may, unofficial a few months longer

I can assure you I'm considering all points

Ignoring all the other issues (although I think that other posters have raised utterly reasonable questions which are important), 1h15m commute three days a week for a time limited period of under a year is something that a lot of people I know would dream about. Given the advantages of moving, the commute definitely shouldn't be an issue.

The commute I personally wouldn't do although I know a lot of people who wouldn't bat an eyelid.

You have only been together since May? I think that's too soon for him and his parents to be looking after your young child while you are not there.

I don't understand why I am forbidden from raising the fact you have been together for only 6 months.

I would go for it op, seems to make perfect sense.

I did an access course to get on to a specific degree course, and there are very few unis in the region that offer the degree course. Luckily I only lived 45 minutes from a uni that did the course, but others from the access course have ended up travelling for 1.5hrs +, and they have managed it. Actually thinking about it, I had to travel for over an hour each way to do the access course, while I had a dd in nursery as a single parent, and it was manageable. It's not that long term, 2018 will be here before you know it, so I think you can do it.

A year is not long at all to make such a big move IMO, driven by difficult housing and financial circumstances. Until you're married you'd still be in a precarious financial and housing position should you break up, since the home is his, and you wouldn't get back any financial contributions you make (eg rent paid to him, home improvements) unless you had a cohabitation agreement.

Think of the long-term effects really. If you can handle the commute for now, but be totally ok to enjoy more time together later, then there is no problem I see with moving.

The petrol will cost a bomb. Also, long journeys by car combined with shift work could be draining and even potentially dangerous. A friend of mine was injured in a car accident caused by negligent driving by a midwife coming off nightshift.

I'm sorry but I think it is totally pulling the piss to ask an older couple to do unpaid childcare 3 days a week for a kid they've only known 6 months.

I don't care how nice they are - I would never ask them in the first place. They are not her grandparents.

Ok so you have really not been together long enough. I do think the correct and practical thing would be to move, but on the basis that it's not even been a year, I would look at getting yourself a place and then when you qualify you can move

Wow, was that the idea? For the in laws to look after their GC-to-be? Even if DD is in nursery, it's asking a lot of them, and you'd be really stuck if for any reason they (or DP) suddenly couldn't or wouldn't.

I think that the in-laws would be her DD's father's parents.

The petrol will cost a bomb. Also, long journeys by car combined with shift work could be draining and even potentially dangerous. A friend of mine was injured in a car accident caused by negligent driving by a midwife coming off nightshift.

But what's her alternative? She can't afford to stay living in the area she does as she's been given notice to move out.

I read it that in laws are new boyfriends parents

So did I (hence my "really?!" at calling them in laws - they are her boyfriend (of less than 1 year's) parents - bit premature to refer to them in laws in order, and never mind expecting them to mind the DD 3 days a week )

Been doing a 75 minute commute for 10 years with 2 DCs. Not every day as I'm out and about alot but roughly 3 days a week. Its do-able.

Can you look for some car share websites, so you can share the driving commute, cost and if needed sleep in car ?

It is not that long for a commute, lots of other people commute further daily

You have until April to find somewhere closer to rent, does your uni have places to rent that they can suggest eg where landlords are used to housing students ?

Why don't you find somewhere local and concentrate on finishing your studies - midwifery is tough and you will be taking on a lot by moving and managing the demands of new relationship and dd adjustment to all of that alongside studies. Allow yourself time - if this relationship is going to last the course he will be supporting you to focus on studies. You may Compromise all of that by moving in hastily however attractive because of your situation. If you hadn't been given notice you woukd have on,need to see out your studies in your home, no?
And your relationship is new - I know that's not your prime reason for posting but it is a factor and more so with a daughter. 6 months and we are all in our best behaviour.
Good luck with studies and relationship!

A 1.15 hr commute here could turn into 2 quite easily with roadworks, traffic accident or weather. And I don't know a out you but I know that kind of commute for me woukd be a stuggle on top of other things. But I'm old and knackered:)

Would moving in now though have repercussions study and finance wise? Once you are living together, you will lose your single parent tax credits. You could also lose some of your grant or bursary I think as his income will then be taken into account for your third year finances?

Officially you have been together only six months. That's a very short time. In all honesty I would look at still living alone, but tbh if you're getting married next year you're jumping that gun anyway?

So that's officially just over 6 months ?
Can't see that Bum has said much wrong TBH.
Who are the 'inlaws' - your DD's grandparents or your new partner's parents ? That will make a big difference.
I wouldn't do it OP. Too soon.