Pregnant but still legally married to my ex....

[LeSquigh]

Hi all

Wasn't sure of the best place to post this, but it seemed best to start here.

I'm pregnant (16 weeks) by my DP of 4.5 years. I am still legally married to my ex, who is the father of my DS (6), mainly because I haven't got round to/haven't been able to spare the money to get divorced.

It doesn't bother me as such, and I'll get divorced eventually. My DP isn't any more bothered than I am so there's never been a massive reason to get divorced.

However, will it cause me any problems? I know I can name my DP as the father on the birth certificate etc but are there any other things I should be considering?

Right this is what happened to me. I was expecting and had 4 children with ex. Ex slapped a no fly order on me when I was living in Australia which meant I had to hand the kids passports in at the court and my children went on the no fly watch list at every airport. The baby I was carrying was deemed by the court to be a child of the marriage until proven otherwise which luckily was the catalyst for ex to stop being a twat and drop it all but if he'd carried on he could well have ended up with joint custody of the lot because the court wasn't going to split siblings up. You just don't need the hassle of it all. Get divorced ASAP

I was warned in that situation that legally XH would be seen as the father so it could create complications. Gave me the kick up the arse I needed to divorce the cunt for good.

When I had my first child I was divorced from my first husband and engaged to my partner (father of unborn child) but I obviously still had ex-husband's surname. When baby was born, the name band on his wrist had "Baby Smith" (ex-husband's surname) on it, rather than "Baby Jones" (new partner's surname). We had explained countless times to all concerned in the hospital, but because I still had ex's surname, baby's surname on the tag had to match my surname to ensure no mix-ups etc. I understood this reasoning, but my partner was devastated that our little boy's nameband would forever have my ex's surname on it.

I know this is not really important in the grand scheme of things, but it was something we never even thought would be an issue and still annoys us even now.

And just in case you weren't aware, your surname after divorce remains your ex-married surname unless you change it by deed poll or remarry and take your new husband's surname.

You don't have to change your name by deedpoll you can use any surname you like.

I am aware of the babies wristband issue. However it's not really a problem for us.

There used to be some archaic thing where the children of a married woman were automatically "children of the marriage",

^^ This is still the case.it's actually not archaic at all.

A child born within marriage, is assumed to have the husband as the father. Be sure to answer the questions carefully at the registrars office, to avoid problems. As your marital status is 'married', but your husband isn't the father. The registrar may ask further questions.

Does it really cost that much to divorce ... with no assets? A few hundred I would think. You'd be best getting it over and done with.

Plus regarding the death in service ... your son is under 18 and your husband could actually contest it going to him. Speak to payroll/your pension provider and see if you need to put a trustee in place for now until he is 18.

Although, You'll probably want to change that to a 50/50 split when you have the baby. Again, you'll need a trustee for the new baby as well.

I work in public sector (HR) and have seen it happen a lot, where death brings Ex partners and spoused out of the woodworks.

My dp was the 'husband' in your scenario a few years ago.

Legally he could have registered the birth (unmarried dads cannot do this without the mother's presence) and named the baby.

Father will only automatically have parental responsibility if named on the birth certificate, otherwise (and officially until legally proven otherwise) the husband will be assumed to have PR. I daresay in practice this would be fairly easy to overcome by proving via dna test/legally registering PR but getting divorced would stop this.

My dp was eventually persuaded to get divorced. Did it via a TRUSTED online service and it literally took weeks. They were (and remain) amicable throughout and it was very straightforward. The cost was just a couple of hundred pounds.

You do still need to finalise matrimonial finances too - as other pps have said if you fail to do so there can be further complications. You wouldn't want him claiming against any future wealth of yours would you? This again can be remarkably straightforward paper exercise - and can be done after the divorce and once you've had the baby. If there are no assets and your finances separate then it will be easy.

So, put your mind at rest. Getting divorced will eliminate any worries about legalities and will be a great 'gift' to your baby and dp as you move into your new lives as parents!

My dp was eventually persuaded to get divorced. Did it via a TRUSTED online service and it literally took weeks

You can do it yourself directly with the court service.

If you earn less than a certain amount it's free .... Google it