Ex and family nicking Netflix whinge

[Potentialmadcatlady]

Just having a moan because I havnt got anyone else to whinge too. I'm the poster whose ex tried to insist that I put a Christmas tree up in my house because 'I should'.
Potted version...been trying to get divorced for over 8+ years, high court 20+ times, two kids who went non contact with their Dad last summer for about months after his behaviour got increasingly difficult. Have lost everything- family home, every penny I had, career, on verge of bankruptcy because of his (proven) fraudent behaviour ( v slim chance I will avoid it by the skin of my teeth but my credit rating is now so damaged because of what he has done I can't even get a phone contract) ,he sends police to house because 'I am harming kids', lots of nasty horrible behaviour to us while he pretends to be the perfect gentleman to everyone else, doesn't/never has paid maintainence, built up loads (100k+) debt in 'our' name and is in trouble with tax man etc. He has even tried to take 'his portion of benefits' off us for the few times he has had the kids over to stay.
Anyway Finally got divorce in December after another very nasty day in court when he said a lot of untrue horrible things about me and judge basically told him he was a poor excuse for a father.

So the reason for my whinge is this...kids have slowly been building up seeing him again ( not back up to terms of contact order more just when they feel like it or he manages to talk them round) and ended up staying with him at his family home over new year. Now if it was me and I hadn't seen much of my kids I would have been bending over backwards to make the time special instead he kept them with the entire family the whole time and didn't spend any time alone with them, he made them go to church against their wishes ( they have both now chosen to be atheist) and spent the rest of the time on 'my' Netflix. MY NETFLIX, using my code to get it , the Netflix I pay for, the Netflix that is nothing to do with him. He basically got DD to give him the code and had been using it the whole time they were there. Thankfully she had the sense to log out as she was leaving ( we only pay for the one that allows a limited number of users to save money so she knew if I was on it at home them she wouldn't be able to go on it if he kept using the code) and then he got cross and tried to get her to give him the code again before she left so he could keep using it.
I know in the big picture it is only a tiny thing but boy has it totally pissed me off.....

My God, the guy is a complete head fuck. please get Non Mol pronto.
I would actually tell the DCs as he has refused the present, you are getting a refund. You paid, not them. Why would you hide it? they know he has screwed you financially, you need the money. Keep it.

Yes I have a feeling he will get worse Hop if that is possible..
Mix...they know everything now he has done now ( not when they were younger I protected them as long as I could) but they are so sick of it all that they just don't care..they just want him to be their Dad so I'm stuck in this place where it's ok for them to moan about him and his behaviour but if I join in they get cross..I try just to bite my tongue most of the time but it doesn't always work..I sometimes feel like I just can't win no matter how hard I try but live in hope that when they are adults they will see what I tried to do to keep them safe..
More 'drama' today because he hasn't followed a court order to pay a big bill that judge ordered him too...more nonsence

I'm back for another whinge....things have been 'difficult'..lots of little grumbling nonsence and attempts to mess both me and the kids around..but today has brought even more drama and I'm stuck in my bed because I really can't deal with any more...got yet another letter from yet another different solicitor ( he changes to a new one every time the old one tells him something he doesn't like/he doesn't pay bill)- this time complaining that I don't answer his texts ( his number is blocked) and demanding passports so he can take kids away on a two week foreign holiday. This is the man who is supposed to have gone bankrupt ( hasn't) and the man who can't afford to pay for child maintainance or any other form of child support. If I don't hand them over then he is taking me back to court. I seriously can't take any more.hes never going to leave me alone is he?

Change the password to
Hisnamehassomecheekstealingmynetflix%

They have never had a hot holiday before ( I couldn't afford it and one of them has severe health issues which make it unwise) and the older one esp just wants an opportunity to go somewhere hot. The younger one kinda wants to go to but not 'if it upsets me'. It's the whole principle of it and the risks involved. I would love them to experience a hot holiday but it really is very unwise for the younger one so has never been on the cards practically or financially. Plus part of me is upset that I can never experience that with them but the man who has destroyed me financially and lied through his teeth will get the joy of seeing them experience their first big holiday. The other part of me wants them to experience it.
The whole court thing is so messed up..he is clearly using the court system to punish/control me but despite the court recognising that they aren't doing anything about it. I really have had enough..I just want to hand them over and get on a train somewhere on my own and never come back.

I think you should get that non-mol order in place asap and refuse to hand over passports. You know full well that you won't get them back. I also think you might need even more RL advice from solicitor, police and maybe even Women's Aid. Please don't give up, cave in or let this nutter floor you. You're awesome to have come this far!

The fact that he has sent the letter from solicitor shows how entitled he is..it is basically proof ( not that we needed it- already had financial reports) that he lied repeatedly to high court judge- she knew he was lying and said so..I don't actually have a passport for the younger one/ he is not advised to travel so has never needed one. The older one has one and yes I know it is very unlikely I will ever see it again if I hand it over- it will be another way of controlling me. This is not a holiday that will 'benefit' the younger child or one that he will enjoy due to his conditions- he doesn't even cope with summers where we live and often spends hot days in his room with curtains pulled and a cold fan on. And that's before I even think about the possibilities of what could happen if his medical condition kicks off- he is life limited a fact which ex refuses to accept- he does not believe he requires his medicines.
I am still weekly getting letters from bank to do with debt ex had run up in both our names- he agreed to roll it into his bankruptcy which hasn't happened

I know I'm a fool.. I should have got non mol months ago (years) but I was trying to not get it for the sake of the kids..now I don't know if I would get one,the things he does are annoying and constant but he is careful to keep them from overstepping the mark since he was warned by police last year. For instance he tells the kids to tell me to unblock my phone so he can message me, I refuse then he tells them off because I havnt done it which then upsets them...he told the kids to lie to me about the 'holiday' and not tell me about it until he realised he can't take younger one without my permission- hence letter demanding I answer his texts.

Just a reminder that these boards are trawled by The Sun and The Mail for copy. Anything you write here can, unfortunately, appear in the national press.

Surely this constant heckling and harassment counts as abuse both of you and the dc? That's why I think you might need more legal advice; his behaviour is obsessive and surely exceeds what might be considered (by the law) "tolerable" or low-level abuse. As if abuse is ever ok once it's "within limits". Grrr ... but that's another debate.

Nevertheless, this is full on shit, day in day out and it's torturing the dc. He's so unfit a parent that even taking them out for coffee should be prohibited!

I wouldn't trust this idiot with a loaf of dread never mind your kids on holiday... do not ever hand over the passports... EVER

I may have no choice if court orders it...

And what would happen if you lost the passport?

Can anyone actually force you to get another passport?

'Lose' the passports. Tell him he'll have to reapply and pay for new ones if he wants to take them away. Don't feed his appetite for aggro and drama. It's unlikely he'll go through the faff and expense. It's just a way to torment you.

Let him take you back to court if he wants. Just stay calm and factual if it happens with supporting medical evidence about child's health. He'll run out of steam eventually, especially if you take steps to stop him harassing you.

Now there's an idea...

No...don't tell him to reapply. The person who applies for and signs the child's passport has control of it. The person who did NOT sign it cannot report it lost/stolen or get a replacement without the permission of the original signatory.

If he does have the passport and won't give it back, a swift specific issue order in the court should resolve it with an order (backed by a penal notice) to provide the passport for your use.