Looking for any feedback that goes beyond love yourself, get a life etc because obviously I have all of that covered. My self-esteem is fine & I walk away from men who aren't going to meet my needs. But that leaves me with a never-ending list of first dates.
I know I have done more than 50% of the rejecting so I can't really cry in to my mashed potato for one (yet) but the last four internet dates I've been on, three of the four have rejected a second date with me. The last one, we were really vibing on our date (although perhaps I couldn't exactly read the vibe) and it was easy and fun. We had a good on line rapport which ground to a halt the moment I got out of the taxi and put my key in the door. By the next day (I'm not a slow learner) I had deciphered through reverberating silence that seemed to deafen the internet that we weren't going to have a second date. Fine, Ok, I accepted that. But then he started texting me, but really boring texts, like he was deliberately working hard at being quite boring. If there was one thing he wasn't it was boring so again I had to deduce that he was trying to communicate through the medium of being really boring that we weren't a thing. I got that. Every time I put him to the back of my mind I got another text from him to remind me. I got two texts in a row (i'd ignored one) so it was like he was determined to remind me. I asked are we actually going to meet up? And he has disappeared.
Anyway, for the sake of clarification, I'm not using photos that are decades old (less than a year all of them), they're not photo shopped. I am not overweight. And yes I do have kids, but not tiny ones, and they all knew that before they met me (and the most recent one also had kids, older kids but he did have kids).
Ps, I'm not being really fussy with the ones I've rejected. I tend to reject men if there are awkward silences, misunderstandings, no humour, and they want to meet again 
So, that's where the name change comes from, there is just no over lap between the men who'd date me and the men I'd date.
Gonna keep trying etc but I was wondering if anybody had any tips for bringing these two circles closer together. Give me a venn diagram that overlaps slightly please universe!
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Relationships
All first dates no second dates, and men texting after a date but not asking you out!
TwoCirclesthatdontoverlap · 02/01/2017 09:21
OP, me and my DP were talking about this last night. We've been together two and a half years and met on Tinder. We were at a NYE party when a woman who was looking into OLD started questioning us (literally) about meeting online, what do you talk about on a date, how can you be arsed going on different dates when they won't go anywhere, how will you know if you'll like them and they'll like you (you won't, obviously!) etc and basically our conclusion was probably annoyingly simplistic - when it's right for both of you it's just right. It flows both ways.
It doesn't matter what your standards or expectations or beliefs are.
In our case we messaged to and fro for about a month and spoke on the phone twice I think before meeting. We messaged as and when we felt like it and we didn't 'expect' each other to message a certain frequency of times per day/hour (seems to be prevalent on MN) . Sometimes we'd messaged for an hour or two through the day,sometimes once a day, whatever we just let it unfold. Eventually, he phoned. I had butterflies. A couple of days later he phoned again. We got on. We still had no plans as such to meet at that point.
A couple of weeks later I was attending a work thing where he lived (around 60 miles from where I live). I asked if he wanted to meet up. He did. We met. We laughed. We got a bit drunk. We kissed. We did other things. We fell in love.
Any number of variables could have occurred to mean that didn't happen, any tiny thing could have put us off each other, but it didn't so here we are.
When it's right for both of you it's just right and there's really no point trying to think about it any other way. I realise that's of no help whatsoever really!!
Also very important advice to some MN daters, when you've landed your fish in the net, don't keep poking at it and questioning whether you've really caught it, it's in the net already, relax, take your fingers off your phone…. 
remember I agree completely with that point.
As I said I first met DP in person on a night out together where we both got royally drunk and very silly and had an ace night out.
The next time we met the following weekend was a quiet meal and we both had to work a little to keep conversation going as we were both a lot more nervous sober, but we found common ground to chat about and it went well. We are both articulate writers and that is what attracted us to each other as there was no crude crap or 'morning beautiful' rubbish .. But after we got over the second date we were really just an item as all boxes were ticked for us both at that point 
There's nothing wrong with meeting someone within 10 days OP. Personally I found not rushing into things and letting our bond build as 'friends' for want of a better word, just meant that when we did meet the physical attraction was the last thing to click into place because we already knew quite a lot about each other, so we had no doubts from day one that we'd found something really good and compatible.
(No interviewing took place and I think if you class dating in such a perfunctory and business like manner as that and it comes across as that in your persona, that might be what's putting people off a second date)
Also you sound quite a strong, articulate and dynamic personality. Someone said upthread you may come across as intimidating, which you didn't agree with. I've also been told that I can come across as extremely assertive/intimidating which kind of threw me as I thought of myself as extremely sweet and approachable 
Maybe soften your approach a bit (even if you don't think you should) , it might make a difference? It doesn't mean lowering your standards it means opening yourself up to someone new in an authentic way. Let them see your soft underbelly a bit (figuratively speaking ha!!)
Just
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@twocirclesthatdontoverlap Gosh, this sounds so familiar. Basically this was exactly my position, five or so years ago.
Lots of "nice" dates with "nice" chaps and although second dates were mentioned/discussed/agreed (at their behest!), they never came to fruition. I began to wonder if I had horns and scales!
Then went on a date with my now DP and everything changed. No fuckwittery, no confusion, no game playing - we just REALLY liked each other. It just felt different; I couldn't even explain why. We wanted to spend time together and both made sure it happened.
Not a very helpful post, I know, but do hang on in there. It worked for me
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