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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Man child do they ever grow up?

14 replies

Stickytoffeepuddings · 01/01/2017 20:02

Just that really? Wondering if there is any hope they may mature emotionally, he's late 40's, I'm assuming there isn't much I can do to help him, but any tips would be great!

OP posts:

SoleBizzz · 01/01/2017 20:05

IM my experience no. Sorry.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/01/2017 20:42

No and particularly now he is in his late 40s. You cannot act as a rescuer and or saviour in a relationship either.

He does not want your help or support.

Heirhelp · 01/01/2017 20:45

My DH was a Mummy'a boy and he did change but he wanted to and was just into his 20s. At times of stress he can't revert back to type. In his 40s I don't think so. If he wanted to do it by now then be would of. BIL was much worse and he has managed to change in his early 30s.

The bug question is does he want to change and why?

isseywithcats · 01/01/2017 20:55

i would say no having gone out with a 54 year old man child just before i met my current partner sorry but by late 40s hes not going to change

AhYerWill · 01/01/2017 20:56

The older he is the less likely change is IME. Generally though it's a pretty bad idea to base your happiness on someone else changing.

ScruffyTheJanitor · 01/01/2017 20:57

Late 20s, maybe, late 30s, doubtful, late 40s, very unlikely, late 50s, forget it.

Heirhelp · 01/01/2017 21:01

You certainly can't help him as the problem is he needs to stand on his own two feet.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 01/01/2017 21:06

help him implies that he is wants to stop being a manchild and is actively working on changing his own mindset.

So, ask him what helps he needs in his quest.

I get the feeling from the tone of your post that you won't get far because he is happy being a manchild and sees nothing wrong with it, especially as he's in his forties.

I suspect you wish he had a different personality and you want us to help you find tricks that will change him into behaving like the boyfriend you want rather than the boyfriend he is, even though he is happy as he is.

thisismyYuleTimenickname · 01/01/2017 21:10

No. It's not up to you to help him, he has to help himself. That's how he will mature - or not.

thisismyYuleTimenickname · 01/01/2017 21:11

Also don't you find that to be a huge turn off, I do.

Bant · 01/01/2017 21:44

What do you define as a manchild? Is this someone who can't buy and prepare his own food, pay his bills, change nappies or hold down a job?

Or is it someone whose hobbies include playing on the Xbox and stamp collecting?

notangelinajolie · 01/01/2017 21:50

Hehe, there is no cure. They are who they are. I married my lovely man child nearly 30 years ago and if he grew up he wouldn't be him anymore.

AyeAmarok · 01/01/2017 21:52

Not until they have to.

But that requires all the women enablers in their life stopping indulging the man in his pathetic manipulative shite and leaving him to face the consequences of his actions.

For as long as he has a woman who'll put up with it, he'll continue, regardless of how upsetting it is for the woman.

Original poster

Stickytoffeepuddings · 01/01/2017 22:32

From reading the comments he isn't a complete man child, on a practice level quite grown up, but emotionally not so much! Thank you for your words of wisdom, just wish I could fathom why I seem to be fall for such a trait, or attract men with with such a trait.... if I can hopefully I will be able to end the cycle!!

OP posts:

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