Feeling sorry for my ex completely alone at New Years alone and worried about cancer.

[RedStripeIassie]

I separated from him not even a month ago (because of his substance abuse and some abuse of me) and already all the adrenaline and anger I felt is evaporating. Although I'm confident I won't get back together with him unless he can change (and that will take months) I'm still so wrapped up in his feelings that I'm in tears thinking that he's going to be alone tonight. We are still in contact, more than I'd like tbh, because we have a dd. He's told me he's all alone and sober tonight and will be thinking of me. To make matters worse he has discovered a lump on one of his balls and is scared its cancer. I don't know what to do without either behaving like a cold bitch and ignoring all this or feeling like I'm taking massive backwards steps and meeting him for a New Year's Day walk with our dd which is what he wants. I've made it clear that I'm not getting back with him and don't want to get his hopes up but I just feel shit now .

Do not go to the gp with him

Stop treating like an incapable manchild. His health is his own responsibility. He is still pulling your strings.

Don't worry, he'll be stoned out of his mind and will be watching Jools Holland through a murky haze.

But hey! At least he hasn't had a beer!

Sober MY ARSE.

And if I had a pound for every cancer scare by dumped men I've read on here.

You were his Mum. Of COURSE he wants his Mum to come to the scary doctor with him. What does it matter if the GP goes "......yeah, thats just your vein, mate" . At least you'll be able to bond over the relief afterwards! Tears of joy will be shed! "Thinking it was cancer......It's made me reevaluate my life, Red - seriously"

He treated you like shit. Minimised everything. And he still doesn't feel like your needs trump his needs for a Mum.

His fundamental issue is unchanged. He is selfish, selfish, selfish.

The GP thing is probably somewhere in the abusive partner manual.

Stop being sucked in and go have a good night.

Why would you, recently separated due to abuse, go with him to the GP? Are you his mother? No. Let him do some adulting, you know, that thing that the rest of us have to buck up and do, no matter what the hell else is going on in our heads. I repeat, you are NOT responsible for him.
Go have fun.

Xpost with Elspeth and Unborn, but we are all saying the same thing, so I hope this gives you reassurance OP that you are on the right course by not being drawn back in.

I know how pathetic I sound! I used to have massive health anxiety for his health years ago when his long term condition went through a bad patch and even with a newborn just got used to attending every hospital appointment with him to the point he'd get shitty if I wasn't there.

Elspeth I can imagine that's exactly what he'll do tonight. A few extra as it's NYE .

I'm on my way out now and child/man child free .

I know I'll wake up worrying but for now I'll just have some fun. Happy new year.

Have a BRILLIANT night.

Do not answer his maudlin texts tonight!!!!!

Have a great night and don't give him another thought

Red, EVEN IF it is testicular cancer (which is highly unlikely, I agree with others he's just using one of the oldest tricks in the book) that is one of the easiest cancers to cure these days. It's got a 98% five-year survival rate. I've know two young men have it and both have had a very short period of unpleasant treatment (surgery, mild chemotherapy) then been totally fine.

But yes, forget about him and have a great night!

fgs block him for tonight!!!

And have FUN damn right you deserve some.

You enjoy your new years Eve night with your daughter, I hate saying this but new year - fresh start. Look forward to the future you are giving to yourself and your daughter! You enjoy that drink and think about what you can achieve in the new year, give yourself something to focus on

I'd also bet my house and everything I have that he doesn't have cancer of some sort and through plenty of experiences I've had during/after break ups, the self harm/ suicidal messages may come through. It's another tactic for when they know they are losing you

Don't go to the GP with him, say worst case it is testicular cancer - IT'S NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, believe me I can understand how you're feeling and all the emotions

But the fact you DID leave him, you are setting yourself up for protecting your daughter and giving the both of you the best start you'd deserve!

So have your drink, whack on some music or something nice,upbeat and funny to watch on the tv and toast yourself for doing and giving the best thing you could to you and most importantly, your daughter

You can get a good few apps I've used before which can block numbers and you can turn notifications off so you don't know they've text or even ( one I used) tick a box so if you do get tempted to reply, you can type and send your message, but he won't receive it

Don't give this man anymore of your thoughts or time tonight, new year is always a tough one filled with emotions but you owe it to yourself to see in the new year with your brand new start

Wish you and your daughter all the best sweet

Don't let him reel you in, he knows you will, he'll push as much as he can but stay strong,you've already left him, you CAN do this

I'm raiding my glass to toast you and your daughters freedom

Have a brilliant night pet

Having a good one without him! Thanks everyone, mumsnet is amazing (2 RedStripe down) have a great night and happy New Years everyone .

Here's too a better year for you