My Mum is in her 90s. We don't see her often but whenever we do there is tension which I doubt she is aware of. She has been nothing but thoughtful and generous towards all of us over the years but has a knack of saying the odd thing that really rankles - personal comments about my adult children's weight, tactless remarks about meals or presents we give her - just one or two things in a day of otherwise good times. My adult children have always made an effort with her but somehow she just manages to burst their bubble every time and leave them upset. It's just a small proportion of otherwise loving encounters but it seems one criticism can blow all that away. None of what she says or does is massively important in the great scheme of things and I really wish we could have a laugh about it afterwards but it seems we can't. In recent years, my husband, who can be very aggressive, has become so venomous about her it really upsets me. She has accepted him and been kind to him for years but he can find nothing good in her although he is never rude to her face. I have asked her not to make personal comments but she forgets and does it anyway. She and I have never been really close or communicated clearly (she has always had poor hearing and is now nearly deaf) but we love each other and it breaks my heart to think that we may have her around much longer. My husband has made it clear he will be glad when she's gone.
I'm not sure what I expect to hear from posting this. I think it upsets me that the bigger picture of my kind and generous, uncomplaining, undemanding Mum gets overshadowed. Has anyone had to cope with something similar?