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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

He's left!

15 replies

laurenmarie88 · 31/12/2016 00:04

So yeh how my anxiety ruins everything !!!!! Meant to be a happy time but yet again something happens.... my bf who I'm not pregnant to has made plans today to go and watch the footy in Manchester wouldn't mind but we made plans tomorrow evening for new year! He's said he'll be back at 6pm but he's going to be drunk and I always get panicky when he goes out it's so last minute and I hate when this happens I'd rather know in advance so I can get my head round it.... for those who think I'm to possecive it's not the case I'm a very anaxious person and he left me in January and we didn't speak for weeks so yeh I'm bound to get like this when he goes out cause I always feel as though he won't come home. Anyone else relate? Or am I just nuts! He's walked out and gone to his mums now I just need space TBH we keep arguing and it doesn't feel the same lately I can't even explain it if I don't understand myself xx

OP posts:

offside · 31/12/2016 00:12

I think you're overreacting.

If he says he'll be home at 18:00 then trust that he'll be home at 18:00, if you react like you have he's more likely to stay out for some peace.

Maybe you need counselling for your anxiety, it's only going to ruin your relationship.

TrustySnail · 31/12/2016 00:18

Is it the case that you think he'll be so drunk when he gets back that your New Year's Eve plans will be a write-off? If so, I can understand why you feel agitated.

Can you make a back up plan to go out without him so your evening isn't ruined - that might make you feel a bit better.

I'm not trying to read stuff into your post that isn't there, but will just ask - is his drinking a problem generally - often causing you to have to cancel plans, or making him behave unpleasantly towards you?

Original poster

laurenmarie88 · 31/12/2016 00:18

I understand that but numerous times he goes out and doesn't tell me and just turns up at 1 am he says it was last minute but he could text me and let me know what's happening?! I need some space too there's yeh I may be overreacting but I've never let him down EVER and he has a lot

OP posts:

Original poster

laurenmarie88 · 31/12/2016 00:20

He's a fantastic loving bf who doesn't drink a lot but every few months he just doesn't come home on time and never tells me causing me to stress. I'm pregnant so I can't drink but when you make plans the day before and just say it out the blue it's gonna stress me out as I dj t want him coming home drunk

OP posts:

TrustySnail · 31/12/2016 00:27

I can understand why you feel stressed - it is worrying if you don't know where someone is, and then if they come back drunk, even if they're perfectly pleasant with it, they're often a bit 'useless' and annoying and it can ruin whatever you had planned to do.

Is there someone else you can spend the time with, so you're not constantly worrying about him?

Does he know how much this stresses you out - you say he is fantastic and loving, so can you talk to him about it? If he could at least drop you the odd text to 'touch base' it might help you.

Original poster

laurenmarie88 · 31/12/2016 00:32

We aren't getting on lately he said in miserable :/ my body is going through so many changes il admit I'm not myself but I'm happy I'm just stressed about money and life! But he thinks it's all me yeh I'm a pain in the bum but I care and I look after him making sure he's got everything he needs I've asked him to read up on my problems because he might understand more instead of me feeling like a weirdo.... I know he's not cheating but I never know for certain with the way I think always "what if" and it's not healthy for me or him and I can't afford to be like this with the baby

OP posts:

TrustySnail · 31/12/2016 00:42

I think actually talking him through what you're going through would probably have more impact than asking him to read up about it - if he's reading about it, it will be impersonal - if you talk to him, it will be about you, the person he loves.

As a previous poster said, it does sound as though you are suffering from anxiety and insecurity - have you talked to your doctor or midwife about this? It might be that counselling could help, or at least talking it through with someone impartial.

You say you look after him a lot - you do need to take time to look after yourself as well. He can't expect you to do everything for him - if anything, he should be doing more to help you (and certainly to look after himself) now that you're pregnant.

TrippyMcTrapFace · 31/12/2016 01:39

Boyfriend who I'm not pregnant to. ?
Then later it sounds like you are pregnant.
If he's going to the match that I think he's going to it will be over by 4.50pm. Says he'll be home by 6pm how is he going to be pissed?
It's not his fault the PL have decided that 3pm kick offs on NYE are a good idea....

This is all a bit Nethuns.Have my first xxxx hun.

Manumission · 31/12/2016 02:04

my bf who I'm not pregnant to

Yes I was wondering about this. Have you changed partners since you conceived? Do you think that that situation is contributing to your feelings?

TrustySnail · 31/12/2016 02:08

Manumission / Trippy

I interpreted this as a typo for 'I'm now pregnant to' as 'who I'm not pregnant to' would be rather strange phrasing, but if you're right, I agree this could well be adding to the OP's difficulties.

Finola1step · 31/12/2016 02:11

So you were with bf, broke up, got pregnant with someone else but are now back with original bf. Is that right? If so, it is no wonder you are anxious. You've got a lot on your plate.

Congratulations on your pregnancy