I think my marriage is over

[perrita]

It breaks my heart to write that as we've been together 15 years. No kids.

It's just gotten to the point where nothing is fun any more, we seem to make each other miserable. I do love my husband, he's generally a good and kind man but I feel like even if I end up spending the rest of my life alone i would be happier.

He has to have everything his own way all the time. We're on holiday, have been walking around sightseeing all morning (all week in fact, non stop walking) and getting a bus back to our apartment, he wanted to get off a stop earlier and I didn't as my feet are killing, and we'll be doing more walking this afternoon as well so I thought I'd save them for that half a mile as we were on the bus anyway. He gets off a stop before and I wait for him at the main doors of the apartments and he calls me lazy and is in a vile mood, we were going to call to a shop for some milk but he goes charging off without me, he comes back and won't look at me, in a massive sulk, moans about me on and on about the amount of walking I haven't done all holiday which I feel is unfair as we've walked at least six miles everyday, swam loads etc

This is a typical example of his behaviour and it seems so trivial but I don't want to live my life like this any more.

He has a lot of amazing qualities, he's a hard worker and very loyal and generous but his bad qualities of being controlling, and always so negative are just wearing me down.

I can't believe I've gotten to the point where I'm even considering this, can I really be alone forever? Would I be okay with this? Would I be okay with just adopting or fostering kids, or could I have my own with a sperm donor but bring them up alone? I don't know.

I'm so scared of regretting my decision that I stay with him but I'm just so unhappy. He looks like the perfect husband from the outside, maybe it's just me being a terrible wife and I'll be unhappy forever either way?

Leave him. You are too young to feel like you have ask for permission. Believe me it will get worse. I have lived with a bad tempered husband for over 37 years. He has health issues which cause the temper but I have given in so many times as I believed I needed to show understanding. When you are a selfish person it only gets worse as they seem to feel empowered by the constant control they excercise on you. The end result will be you feel worthless and start to convince yourself that it is your fault they treat you like that. Today I have decided to walk away from my marriage having sold my soul to a man I thought lived me. I have been mourning a marriage I didn't have! Don't allow yourself to waste your life. I too was married young but fortunately my children are independent and I am financially dependant. My husband today has told me yet again to leave him and I am. He will be expecting me to give in to this behaviour and talk him round but no reason can be accepted for bullying anyobe. He has a shock coming. Happy New Year 2017 will be something to look forward to I am determined. Please don't waste your life. You need to love yourself before that's taken away from you.

At 28, definitely start over. Loads of people haven't even met a life partner at that age let alone married them or had children. Do it now. Otherwise you will wake up at 40 and wonder where your life went.

OP, leave him. Think of all those years as just 'experience' and move on.
Joycet - good luck, stay strong.

He's not a nice man and that's not your fault. He's very needy, can't even handle being alone for a few minutes, and he's bullying you to cover up
his neediness.

Your late 20's are when you become the person so he is unlikely to change.

I suspect he isn't happy with you, perhaps you have grown apart which is totally understandable as met as children. Don't stay, without children you can separate and move on with your life.Walking on eggshells, being criticized isn't a way to live.

What are his family like? Do you feel you would be supported by your family if you left?

He sounds like my x who was all cheerfulness so long as I wasn't inconveniencing him or challenging him.

I too feared that I would regret it if I left him. I don't know why I feared that so much. I really had this feeling that I could be burning my bridges if I left him!

My x had that similar controlling mindset, if I ate when he wasn't hungry I was greedy. If I slept when he wasn't tired then I was lazy . And that was aside from all of the minor modifications I made to my life to attempt to please him. I literally couldn't even eat if he wasn't hungry himself. He would deny that of course.

I thought the same as other pp that you were middle aged, then you mentioned children, then you stated you were late 20's! Married 15 years and no kids, which made me wonder whose decision that was (although really none of my business).

When I go on holiday I like to spend a day doing things and the next day relaxing, a marathon walk every day is not my idea of fun. Your Dh is very controlling and will not change as he gets older, in fact he will probably get worse. The time to act is when you get home from this holiday, seek legal advice re finances before making any moves or discussing the situation with him, otherwise you might find him controlling all the finances as well, so you cannot access them.

Hang on, married for 15 years, in your late 20s...were you married at 14??

OP said they've been together 15 years, not married 15 years.

So what if he gets nasty! Let him, the twat! Once you have gone he has no more control over you, he can talk to your solicitor and get as nasty as he wants, the important thing is you have left.

Don't let the thought of him being nasty put you off, and keep in mind that once you have children you will still have to see him for years. If you leave now, you never have to see him again.

People change so much from adolescence to their 20s, into their 30s...dont spend the rest of your life miserable due to relationship you entered in your youth! Both of you deserve better.

End it. Be single for a bit. Dont fret about being single or never having kids. Imagine someone told you that you'll meet someone at 35 and have 2 kids before you are 40. Live like you know that for sure and squeeze every last bit out of being young free and single before you are tied down! If you get bored of being single do some OLD if you must, but you really are most likely to meet someone when you are just being you, doing what you want, exploring the things you are interested in.

Breaking up is tough but you can make it easier. Know that you are allowed to end any relationship at any time. You owe your partner an explanation but you dont need to prostrate yourself. Give this explanation. Take advice on the practical separation and keep moving forward, tackling it step by step. It's actually incredibly easy in these circumstances compared to having children. Just dont get drawn into nasty unpleasant games and arguments. Whatever your reason, just reiterate this with brief statements whenever emotions are running high and practical discussion become heated.

Bloody hell, I thought you were going to say you were in your late 60s or something .. you've barely got going in life! Leave him immediately, you're on holiday and he talks to you like that because he doesn't like to be on his own ??!? Absolutely do not have children with this bully. tell your family how unhappy you are and ask for their help.

reallybad you're right, sorry! I think I assumed wrongly from the mention of husband / wife at the end...