Mixed messages from my Dad

[PocoAndWine]

I really need advice. I'm not sure if my Dad really wants me to be part of his life at time and other times I think he does.

Last year my Parents divorced. Huge shock and I was devastated. It was a bit messy and difficult to get to the bottom of but I think I'm over it now and moving on with my life. I'm unsure about them being over it. Anyway, I always got on with my Dad but recently he has seemed to be difficult to work out. I try and contact him (by whatsapp message as there is no phone coverage and only wifi where he lives. It's about 2 hours away). He reads the messages but doesn't reply. They're just general 'how are you' texts. He only texts me if he wonders if I'm home. Most of the time at 12 on the day he plans to visit. He's an early riser and maybe I'm being unreasonable but this makes me feel like I'm his plan b for the day. He never texts a day in advance and will shoot down my efforts to organise things together. This pissed of DH a bit as at one stage I felt sorry for my dad and would stop any plans I had as a family to cater to my dad. I asked my dad could he text/ organise earlier and he did...once. It's back to normal now.

My dad was meant to go on holidays between Christmas and New Years. I got a text about half an hour ago to ask could he come down. I said we we're staying with DH family for a couple of days. He then asked would we be home tomorrow. I explained that we would be home tomorrow evening. He asked could we come home in the morning so he could visit and I was about to text back ok but I realised that it would be a bit unfair! In laws live over 3 hours away and we rarely get to see them. They didn't get to see my son before Christmas as they were all Ill. I want to stay so I said we wouldn't be home until tomorrow evening. He read my message and hasn't replied. Why do I feel so guilty now

What was your relationship like before the divorce? It's hard but to be honest he just sounds like a man who is a bit lost because I am guessing maybe your mum did all of this before? Men are crap at organisation and commitment in most cases let's be honest! He obviously still wants a relationship with you but just on his terms, he is going to have to understand that you can't be at his beckoning call, you have a family and a life too.

Mummarichardson I think you're right about him being lost. He doesn't like to be on his own. He has loads of friends and loads of hobbies but I think he hates living on his own. I really don't know where to draw the line. I want to be there for him but I want him to realise I have other family too. Our relationship has stayed the same through the divorce, we've always got on well!

Could ye have a straight up conversation where you say look l love to see you, you're welcome here but could we accept from the off that l'm not always available. So if it suits it suits but if not we will arrange another time. Don't bother bringing any big emotions into it. He sounds like a nice dad so just be honest and upfront.

junebirthdaygirl I kind of thought that's what I done with him a couple of months ago. I stuck to the facts and explained it to him. He agreed and it didn't last long.

I always feel so bad letting him down or if I'm busy when he texts so I think I'll have to have another one of them conversations with him.

It's difficult to explain to him when he asked last minute to visit that I'm with my mum/ other member of that side of the family as he doesn't talk to them and they don't talk to him.