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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He just left me

36 replies

Anotherbrokenheart · 30/12/2016 12:21

NCed as very outing.

DP of 3 years has told me he no longer feels the way he did before and can't see us having a future and wants us to break up.

It's not totally out of the blue as we had some issues we were working through and I was frustrated he hadn't proposed.

We have been living together in his house all this time so on top of being single again at 35 I'm homeless and my job contract ends at the end of Feb.

I'm lying back in my single bed at my parents house wondering how I've ended up back here

OP posts:
Original poster
Anotherbrokenheart · 06/01/2017 13:48

Thanks hells.

I had such a tough year last year losing my business and he was the rock in it so it's hard to go through crap again when I was picking myself up.

OP posts:
Hermonie2016 · 06/01/2017 13:51

Sometimes you are floored by a relationship ending.I think it's akin to shock.

Can you take time off work, get outside even if only for short walks, go to yoga, listen to mindfulness on YouTube, do square breathing.

You do have to take some action/movement as your body needs help in coping.

jeaux90 · 06/01/2017 14:46

Hermione's suggestions is really good for anxiety. Yoga and square breathing.

I also find trying to focus on simple things helps. Like when you are out, look at the trees and watch the branches sway.

When you are at work really listen to what your colleagues/clients are saying to just focus on what is happening right then. It helps switch that voice off that keeps going over and over what happened.

Big hug. I am so sorry you are in pain and suffering. It really will pass xxx

Original poster
Anotherbrokenheart · 07/01/2017 20:22

I've still got the shakes. My legs feel like jelly.

We have spoken a bit. I know we can't long term but short term it's helping. I think in the end we just couldn't move forward as I want marriage and kids and he doesn't.

Not that it makes it any easier to maybe be the right decision.

OP posts:
Lollysuns · 08/01/2017 11:07

OP I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been single for 18 months after a break up under similar circumstances - he didn't want to marry and settle down and I did. It was awful as he left me with the burden of a tenancy we were in as I needed to be in that area due work, whereas he could just leave.

All I can say is that I completely get the worst feeling in the morning and at night. It's so lonely and scary. I also know how horrendous it is to have to chat at work when you just want to cry. I used to keep it together into lunchtime and then burst into tears, same when I got home after work. It was a horrible time but I promise it does get better. One day you will wake up and feel too exhausted emotionally to cry immediately. The tears will become less frequent. It WILL get easier to cope. I know it doesn't seem like that at the moment. The biggest memory I have of it all is feeling very scared and alone thinking about the future. Try and remember that someone who loved you wouldn't do this to you... when this pain fades you will go on to better things, it just doesn't seem like it now xx

BackToBasics2 · 08/01/2017 11:42

When my ex left last Easter (although the situation was different from yours) I found work more of a help then a hindrance. It made me get up, get out the door and have a focus on the day. I would put my mind totally on work (and my dc) which I found really helped as work was busy so my mind didn't have the chance to think about him much.

The evenings were the worst when my dc would go to their dads (there dad wasn't the "ex" which left at Easter.) So I started painting my house and I also got into House of Cards on Netflix, just to give me something to do. I found myself in a routine of work, a bit of decorating then looking forward to the next episode of my programme for a while. Over time whilst I made myself busy, the feelings, shock and hurt weren't gone (as I still had my days/moments) but they got easier. I also found a sense of achievement with the decorating I did as it made me feel good.

Livelovebehappy · 08/01/2017 12:02

You just have to focus on the future OP, and make plans of what you want your future to be. I'm very much of the thought that you can't change what's happened, and no amount of crying and angst is going to change that, so you have to pick yourself up, allow yourself to have a cry when you have a down day, but just view a whole new world waiting for you and start doing things that make you happy. Lean on family and friends who will help get you through this.

Original poster
Anotherbrokenheart · 08/01/2017 21:06

This weekend has been very up and down. Having my cats to stay helps a lot as they are a calming influence.

I do feel I've turned a tiny tiny corner.

OP posts:
CockacidalManiac · 08/01/2017 21:15

I'm lying back in my single bed at my parents house wondering how I've ended up back here

Last time this happened, I was 40ish. It's not nice, and you have my sympathies.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 08/01/2017 21:36

Just caught this now but wanted to offer my understanding and support.

It's still fresh and it is a huge change. Small things to get through the dayFlowers

Scottishthreeberry16 · 08/01/2017 22:05

What Christmassnake says. Go for it!

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