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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Boyfriend has contact with ex..would it bother you?

48 replies

user1483018975 · 29/12/2016 13:46

We have been an item 3 months yet he looks at her snapchat daily.
I've caught him watching her snapchat story numerous times.
I know I'm a adult and it's only a social media thing but would it bother you?
Why is she still on?
Maybe forgot to delete?

OP posts:

StoneRosesSallyCinnamon · 29/12/2016 15:56

He looks at her snapchat daily
and
Maybe he forgot to delete

These are two very different things

You sound very confused OP

Looking at things if he has to deliberately CLICK on her name to see her videos, then he IS seeking her out.

Original poster

user1483018975 · 29/12/2016 16:12

Basically with snapchat when you click on the recent stories it shows you the names of ppl who have posted something new ..then obviously you choose to click on to view.
I have people on mine who I see has updated but can't be bothered to look at them.

OP posts:

StoneRosesSallyCinnamon · 29/12/2016 16:15

Ok well I would have a problem with that as he is seeking her out to a small extent. However I don't know if I would say anything to him, as if that is all he is doing it is hardly crime of the century and def not worth an argument or showing him you don't trust him / making yourself look insecure. I would however keep an eye on the situation to ensure that is all it remained

Have they split up recently?

Original poster

user1483018975 · 29/12/2016 16:16

They split up 2 weeks before our first date.
They were only together 4 months tho.

OP posts:

Original poster

user1483018975 · 29/12/2016 19:06

Came over tonight ...guess what he looked at
Her snapchat..he isn't even being discreet about it

OP posts:

HomeIsWhereTheGinisNow · 29/12/2016 19:07

It would bother me. You're still early on in the relationship - if it really bothers you if decide whether or not you can live with it going forward.

HeCantBeSerious · 29/12/2016 19:11

3 of my exes came to my wedding.

Original poster

user1483018975 · 29/12/2016 19:11

I'm not sure..I'm quite a jealous person.
I'm my eyes if you want to look your looking for a reason.

OP posts:

ChocolateCakeandSprinkles · 29/12/2016 19:14

His obsession with social media and the shortness of his relationships does imply to me you are both quite young.

I know on my snapchat stories, i don't pick particular ones I just click all that come up and watch all in one go.

You should be able to discuss it though! I've always had contact with my exes, never been tempted to go back to them either.

I would have a conversation with him about it and just explain that it just makes you feel a little bit uncomfortable and could he lay off watching her snapchats for a bit. He may not even realise its an issue.

Original poster

user1483018975 · 29/12/2016 19:22

He is 33
I'm 31

OP posts:

TillyLilly9 · 29/12/2016 20:41

If it was just her story he looks at I'd probably wonder why he feels the need to look at hers. I deleted all my exes off any social media - they are no longer apart of my life and therefor I do not need to see their updates and vice versa.

I know people who are fine getting over exes with contact and keep them on their social media and simply look through all updates so will see their exes and it means nothing to them.

If he has other exes on social media platforms I wouldn't worry. If he still talks to her regularly, maybe voice your concerns.

Guiltypleasures001 · 29/12/2016 21:20

He sounds immature and addicted to social media, I'de dump personally

Being on that constantly is taking attention away from you , there's 3of you in your relationship

happypoobum · 29/12/2016 21:30

I agree with Guilty

Immature and probably not over ex.

Bin him.

Original poster

user1483018975 · 29/12/2016 22:06

He doesn't check snap chat every minute of every day but it looks like when he does check he straight away checks hers out..which is the frustrating bit

OP posts:

spudlike1 · 30/12/2016 02:50

I wouldn't like it . You are right to not feel secure about this .

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 30/12/2016 03:00

OMG I thought you were going to say at LEAST 10 years younger!!!

OP try not to be the jealous type. It's soooo unattractive and desperate. I had a boyfriend once like that and it was hell. This was before social media but he would accuse me of all sorts. Wearing makeup, smiling at the coffee guy, wearing heels so I was taller than him, being friends with any other men, even speaking to male colleagues about work stuff - all would earn me a huge earful. It was awful. He didn't trust me and it eventually broke us up.

Chops2016 · 30/12/2016 04:24

It would indicate to me that he isn't over her yet. At 3 months he should be all loved up with you? But then again I don't get all this whole habitually taking pictures of yourself and posting them online thing (have always found it a bit narcissistic but hey I think I'm in the minority).

At 3 months I'd just cut my losses and find someone less into social media who doesn't make you feel worried. If he has form for short relationships that's quite telling.

876TaylorMade · 30/12/2016 04:30

I don't even use snapchat that much and I'm way younger. Jesus Christ!

You are aware you can view stories without having to click on the persons name? Unless you've seen him do it deliberately, as the stories play automatically once one is selected.
I don't understand why it bothers you so much OP... but as you said you're the jealous type
End he relationship and find someone else. ...and may God help him

Snapchat is hardly having contact with someone. Unless you've seen him messaging her via snapchat.

My ex is all over my social media... and so are my husbands...

JustAnotherPoster00 · 30/12/2016 05:28

OP you've only been together 3 months and you're like this already? I think you need to ditch each other this isnt going to go well its going to end up toxic

Gracey79 · 30/12/2016 06:26

There is a feature on Snapchat where you just play all new stories so he may not even be clicking on her specifically.
Also if he's doing it in front of you he's obviously nothing to hide?

Shockers · 30/12/2016 06:32

Honestly? I think you should move on, because he doesn't sound like he has.

namechange102 · 30/12/2016 10:22

I wouldn't expect a 33 year old to regularly be keeping that closely up to date with an ex if he had moved on. Only thing you can do is either put up with it or ask him to limit/not look. Will be interesting to see what his response is if you do ask him about it. It's obv not the same as looking at everyone's stuff, as (I assume) he didn't sleep with everyone else and have such a close relationship...

TheNaze73 · 30/12/2016 11:03

I think everyone is entitled to a past & can do exactly what they want. If you're going to be like this after only 3 months, the future doesn't bode well.
He's chosen to be with you & if that isn't enough for you, then end it.
You getting irrational other sonething so inconsequential would drive most people away

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