How did you split?

[IronNeonClasp]

I've been unhappy for over a year and had 'the conversation' with him a few times but every time he says he doesn't want to leave the 'family' home (2 DC). And it's half his (mortgage) so quite a reasonable request. I am feeling very despondent that this is all me trying to initiate.

I just wondered if you could tell me your (success) stories of how you made the break with a partner who was happy to cruise along on his own terms and not listen to yours.

Why don't you leave? Why wait for him to do it?

Well it's the kids home (if the question is directed at me). We also bought this house a the peak in 07 and are in extreme negative equity although the mortgage isn't massive. I am willing to stay here but I don't really want to move out with the kids as they are young ages. My DF put the fear up me yesterday re divorce and everything so I am feeling all doubtful again

It's all very difficult. Thanks for sharing your stories.

This posts interesting. Thanks for postig tho it pains me to see so many ppl in sad dead end relationships. Inwish everyone could make the break they need to be happy! The children is the only thing keeing me in my relationship really. But on flip side the children are the only ppl hes gonna hurt in the long run...but then i leave and he has the kids on his own at times (to cause damage without me being there to stop it) and i miss out on these times too. Its awful feeing trapped in such!

I truly believe kids are better in a happy home. It models happiness and contentment, not rage frustration, sadness...

We only get one life, if it's not resolvable then find a way... living in an unhappy relationship is utterly soul destroying ... I've done it (twice) - and although it's been hard, it's one hell of a lot better than the constant sapping anxiety ...

What do you mean OP, he put the fear in you about divorce? Isn't that what you are eventually aiming for? You could take charge of it, would be better if you drove it as he could ignore your solicitor letters for years....

I packed up everything I could in 3 hours and moved 500 miles away whilst he was out.
It was the only way.
I've never looked back.
It helped I didn't have kids at home though.

We had joint house and mortgage, he wouldn't move out so I did. I put the house up for sale and moved into rented. All very stressful but now I have my own house with my kids.

I had this problem for two or three years before we split. I got to the point where I was praying he'd meet someone else. On the day he finally moved out he had a huge tantrum, smashed a load of stuff, threatened to kill one of my adult dc (who has autism) then stormed out with a suitcase. So that made it easy to stop him coming back, thankfully - I told him I'd call the police and report the incident if he tried to come back in the house. It all seemed to have just happened that way at first until I realised he'd spent 12 months clearing all his personal credit card debts at the expense of our joint debts and bought himself a new car two weeks before this huge blow-out. So maybe exactly what he wanted.

Thanks so much again for the replies.

Tea - yes I am hoping to get some advice. I can't go on like this - living like flat mates and sleeping on the sofa !

I had to be the one to leave. He insisted he didn't want to split and so would not go. However I didn't want the house - I needed a fresh start. Now I am renting and he is living in our home and paying the substantially cheaper mortgage.

Funny thing is that 4 months later he is the first one to move on with a new girlfriend - so he wasn't that devastated.

I have been looking at rentals and the cost is phenomenal. I have no idea what to do. Really stuck in the mud albeit sinking

Yea it's funny how they want you back until they find the first person who flutters their eyes at them, then you are binned!!

Is there a way of working through what has gone wrong in your relationship. Can you pin point when the fire went. You shouldn't stay in a relationship if you don't want to. You have to look at your options if you are knee deep in a mortgage then you won't get hardly anything. If money is an issue you will have to look at areas that you may not want to move to in order to afford to rent.

HorridHenry. I live in a pretty shitty area anyway. It's all about affordability. I cannot play happy families every single bloody weekend.

So no. I am beyond 'working it out'.

I finally bit the bullet and told him I wasn't happy and didn't love him anymore.
We had a joint mortgage so we lived together whilst I looked for work back home where my parents lived (different county) and then I left and moved in with parents with DS.
I was still paying for the half the mortgage for a year after that tho so until the house sold.

At the end of the day, if you really want to split you will find a way to do it. You just need to have the courage to do it . Xx