Overbearing controlling big sister strikes again

[Alfiemoon1]

I am a regular on here but when mentioned my sisters lavish gifts have been accused of being a troll I am not
Last year my sister bought dd a horse without telling me as she knew I would of said no
She paid for us to go to Florida costing me thousands in park tickets
And paid for ds to join a golf club in which I have to take him to lessons
All of these were without telling me first she just announced them in front of the kids on Christmas Day
She means it in a nice way she is incredibly generous and has a great relationship with my kids
I said to her this year no pets or surprise holidays please so what does she go and do book for us all to go to Tobago announces it on Christmas Day in front of the kids. I try and bite my tongue said I hadn't even booked the time off work dd went into a melt down crying saying she won't let us go she's horrible meaning me. Dh takes her sobbing into the other room while I get called ungrateful controlling unable to handle surprises by my sister and mum. I left to feed the cat and it's not been mentioned since
Why can't she understand I don't want to be told where I am going on holiday and when every year. I am happy to go away with her and my mum but would like a say in it. I feel once again backed into a corner as she has involved the kids before asking me
Her and my mum will stick together and I will be the bad guy no matter what I do
I don't want her working 7 days a week when she's not in the best of health to pay for such a lavish holiday which I don't even think the kids will enjoy. It's a villa in the middle of know where with a beach. Dd 15 and ds 11 will be bored
She just takes over my life in general books the kids hair appointments while she's there which means I have to take them and pay for them. She is forever organising stuff which she feels is being helpful or nice but I resent being told what to do
I am dreading discussing this with her as she is the type of person who is always right and I know she was being nice but its the way she goes about things

bert3400 in your case, you have seen what she does when given information, so in future keep your plans to yourself and tell her after you get back. I wouldn't be going on that trip - as you say, it's not the holiday you want. Nothing to stop her booking her villa and going with other people though!

Either give her a list of things to get or tell her in front of someone that you need to be consulted if she is getting you a gift that costs over £50 or you might not be able to accept, which ruins the gift for everyone.

Or even don't buy gifts at all.

What does she have in her life - is all this generosity because she has little of consequence to fill her life

She behaves this way because she's prioritising whatever she gets out of being seen to be generous above your feelings and you let her get away with it.

Lack of boundaries, invite a lack of respect. You are going to need to have very strong boundaries with your sister and more importantly, enforce them when she invariably attempts to trample all over them. Stop waiting for her to be different.

OP, i don't know whether you are in FOG or secretly enjoying the drama/gifts.
Whatever it is you are still enabling her behaviour.

Being single doesn't mean you can't go on holiday OP.
She can go by herself or join up with other groups, a simple google search will bring them up.....and if she didn't have an ulterior motive she would have gone on that holiday with you; she could have actually paid for riding/golf lessons.

Instead she picks things that are going to cost YOU more. She may not be 'nasty' OP, but she is PERFECTLY AWARE of what she is doing.

Also, if you know that she has an unhealthy or imbalanced relationship with money - all the more reason to nip this in the bud asap!

you might like to pass this link to her, it's been a godsend to some of my female friends

www.journeywoman.com

Recently I mentioned Me, DH & 2 DC will go away next year for my birthday . Now she has invited herself, half our relatives and is going to pay for it all ...but it's not what we want. I would like a nice winter AIl inclucive Break , No Stress , No cooking but she is now booking a massive villa for 15 !!! I now feel like saying we have changed our mind and will stay at home.

Bert, why on earth would you put up with this? When she tells you about the villa say "lovely for you but I'm going with Dh and the kids as planned". Why do you have to "change your mind" You planned a holiday with your husband and children - not a holiday with a cast of thousands. No changing of mind required.

I am not the most assertive person in the world, generally go along to get along. My dad and I were quite alike (and my sis and mum very strong willed) so we both put up with lots of small stuff so as to keep everything calm. But by god I wouldn't put up with someone hijacking my holiday for anything. Or my children.

OP, just because your sister doesn't have malevolent intentions doesn't mean her actions aren't having a horrible effect on you. Tell her to stop and mean it. Meaning it means you don't do what she has planned/paid for/imposed on you.

Are you in a family where everything is discussed by all, your Sis's offer of a hol would have been seen as another kind, thoughtful offer from a loving and exceptionally generous family member. Def not a pushy, selfish, underhand bullying tactic to add the list of lifelong manipulation of her younger sibling which it actually is.

The worm has turned OP, now you start saying no.