I need some help on gaining some perspective and don't really want to talk to friends. Apologies as this is long as I don't want to drip feed.
DH and I have been married 16 years, together for 21. 2 Children, 10 and 5. Generally pretty happy. But with a few issues.
So the day before Xmas Eve both children were out on play dates and he mentioned he was disappointed with our sex life (which is a fair point as it's rubbish, not had sex since before March this year). He's had a bad back for months and that only got resolved in October.
He then went on to say that he found the fact that I have not completely lost the baby weight from DS (5) 'didn't really do it for him, but with the right underwear we could work around it' .! I said that in the new year I would be trying to loose weight.
I was astounded as I'm pretty happy with my figure , yes, I'm not the size 8/10 I was 20 years ago, but I'm 5ft8 and weigh 11 stone so a size 14. Although admittedly I would like to be a stone lighter and in a size 12.
I pointed out that as he smokes weed most nights down in his shed after the children have gone to bed I don't want to have sex with him anyway.
We ended the discussion (which was had calmly) although I did say to him I was finding it hard not so shout and be unpleasant as I felt like he has said an awful thing.
He was apologetic and said he didn't want to upset me as he loves me very much but as we're only in our 40s he's not ready for a life without sex which it seems we are looking at. He said he would be willing to go to see a counsellor to discuss out issues as he wants us to make this work.
So that's his side of it.
Mine is that I am now so angry. Angry at the '..we could make sex work with the right clothes' comment. I just keep hearing that over in my head and thinking 'How DARE you? What makes you think I would want you near me ever again after that comment'
It's also caused me to think about the whole marriage. We're so different. Apart from the children we have little in common.
I have realised this year that I am at my happiest when he's not around (ie hes out for an evening or I have a day out with the children without him). I feel like he's a miserable old git.
However, I wonder what to do. We parent very well together and we do laugh a lot. i guess we need counselling.
I just thought it would be jntestjbg to hear other women's thoughts on this. I'm going to post this now and will be back in a couple of hours. If you've managed to get this car and have some advice; Thank you in advance.