My dm is controlling and hit me

[WienerDiva]

Hi everyone,

I've left it a couple of days to write this as I wanted to try and be a bit more "with it" and not ramble.

I fear I still might not achieve that.

Anyway, I want to leave my dh, I don't love him anymore and I feel our relationship has run its course.

I've been terrified, and I mean genuinely scared of telling my mother.

I went out on Christmas Eve Eve and she text me asking if dd had her dinner, as I was out I didn't reply immediately and within half an hour I had missed calls from her.

I called her back and she was shouting at me that I go out too much, my dd isn't a priority to me, I don't behave like a good mother etc.

She then text to demand I go to hers to "sort it out" immediately. I said no.

Anyway, the next day she summoned me round and I went. My df was there too, as soon as I sat down she ranted that I treat dh like shit, how dare I do this to her after all the money she has given us (they are multimillionaires no that it makes any difference).

She was shouting and I asked her to stop shouting, if she wanted to talk then fine but I'm not going to be shouted at. I never spoken to her like that before.

She then started screaming at me, about how dare I complain about my life, I'm a spoiled bitch, what is this going to do to her and db (on ASD spectrum), how I'm going to fuck up dd's life as she really adores her dad.

I got up and started walking out. She chased after me and screamed at me.

She blocked my car door, and I asked her repeatedly to move. Df was calling her back to. She then raised her hand to me. So I said "go on then if it's going to make you feel better, I'm not going to be scared of you anymore".

So she slapped me full force in the face. Twice.

And she still screamed at me and wouldn't let me leave. She even sat in the driver's seat. All the while df was calling her back.

I grabbed my phone out of the car and made to start walking home. She got out of the car and I ran back to it and she tried to grab me.

Anyway, I got home she said sorry and I went along with it because of Christmas etc and she spent the whole day playing the victim and is now creeping a bit. But I feel totally done.

What the hell so I do now?

YouJust,

I took a photo as soon as I could after.

I've made it very clear that if it is to happen again, she'd be arrested and have no contact with any of us again. I think that's why she is creeping

To be blunt. Your mother is a fucking psycho. You need to stand upto her, report her to the police. She has no right to treat you as she did. Her anger level sounds very scary. She's clearly not used to people saying no to her as she's extremely abusive.

I would cut all ties after that. You didn't deserve it at all and your father needs to stand upto her.

Weapons grade narcissist there.

But he's a weak man and I feel he's let my parents treat me like this over the years.

So you are also blaming your DH for hoe your parents treat you.

You really need to step up and take ownership of this.

Bauble, I'm not going to because I can't face it myself to be honest.

Planetary, yep. Exactly that.

The funny thing is, what she complains about with her own mil are the things she does to me! She's horrible.

She threw a SHOE at your ASD brother?! A SHOE!!! She clearly isn't fit to care for him because she is physically abusive.

OCD is linked to anxiety - it's telling that he has it. I would be seriously concerned about db - he is vulnerable and I'd be ringing social services to get him protected from your mother. You CAN'T leave him to her rages and control, you just can't!

Boney, I'm not blaming him at all for her actions. But when I have said I think I'd like to handle things, he's always said no and that we should comply for an easy and quiet life.

How old is your brother?

Cool, you're right. And I need to get myself away before I can get him away and safe.

She has tried to hit him once more since the show incident but he taken up martial arts and protects himself and restrains her.

She got a MASSIVE bollocking off me and knows I'll be removing him from her care.

He's a 28 year old big man, she's actually rather nervous of him now

She sounds batshit.

Whatever she was to me, I'd not have somebody like this in my life. You've been assaulted.

I really wouldn't write her a letter explaining because that just opens up another type of dialogue. Just brace yourself and do what you need to do . Sadly your mom isn't one of those who makes life pleasant for her children. Please distance yourself from them. It will also set a good example for your daughter

Op by you keeping silent you're also putting your brother at risk.

Dont engage. Read all you can about narcissistic mothers and draw some big lines which must not be crossed.

I've got to plan it all properly. It's such a fucking mess. I'm angry at myself for allowing it to happen.

I'm just going to the in laws but I will read and respond later.

Thank you to those that have replied, you've given me food for thought and confirmed what I already knew

I agree that your brother is vulnerable and you need to report her. At the very least social services will keep a close eye and she will get a good dose of reality in that she won't get away with abusing her children anymore.

Think about your own daughter too, if she picks up on any form of your mother's behaviour she may copy it towards you or others,. Or think it's normal and allow others to do it to her.

I mean the way your mother rang you and went ape shit because you didn't come home, your daughter was bound to of herd some of that. You may think you've shielded her but they do pick up on this stuff.

Please report her to the police. Don't leave your dd with her ever. She sounds like she has anger management issues and you are in the FOG. Don't allow her to control any of your actions eg nose piercing, it is not her fucking business.

How awful for you op. You need your parents' love and support at a difficult time such as this, not violence and abuse. You must feel very lonely. You do have more power than you think though, although your mother appears to be using money as a way to control you. This is not her life though, it is yours.She has flipped because you have stood up to her and completely lost control.

My own DM, nowhere near as bad as this, played the victim and we had to tiptoe round her moods. When I was 16, she slapped me hard over something really minor. I knew I had had enough and I calmly told her that if she ever hit me like that again, I would hit her back twice as hard. She never did. This is the end of the road for you too.

You need to do what is right for you and your dd not what your mother thinks is right for her. I am sorry you have been treated in this way and hope you can make the right decisions for yourself and your child.

Sorry for not replying, just needed to get yesterday out of the way (me, dd, husband, mum, dad and brother had to go to London to watch a show together).

I'm just trying to get the next couple of weeks out of the way as my df's got a massive birthday party.

Mum has been creeping a bit but this morning asked me if me and husband have sat and talked about everything.

I've already told I'm not discussing anything until after dad's party.

Anyway, husband is, I feel, is trying to control me just as much as she is.

I've told him I want to split, he's using our dd as an emotional weapon. Saying that it will destroy her and he will not allow me to leave with her and that if I want to break this marriage up, then I go and she stays with him.

I'm so done in with it all

Find a good solicitor as a priority. .

Yes, do see a solicitor for advice. His family seem to have access to money and may use this to try and bully you. You need to be sure of your rights before you discuss this matter any further.

It's my family that has the money

Will I not need money to see the solicitor?